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hi, first off, im a 39 yr old dad of 3, husband to a lovely wife and for my sins a dog owner...i feel that i need some advice.
In reality it seems that i shouldn't be posting this, surely i have everything that i ever dreamed of.
But i feel constantly stressed, while i am at work (self employed builder) i have work on my mind and everything that goes with that..but the side issue is this...I think i am trying too hard for the perfect life, there's something in me that says.."relax, chill out man"...its at the point where i know its affecting my relationship with my wife and children..when we all get together after work / school etc, i turn into 'control freak dad'...i hate this, "don't do that".."stop it you 2"..."pick that up now".."this house is a tip"...and so on and so on.
I wish i could relax more at home but my wife works really hard and its often left to me to drop children off to school everyday, pick them up 2 nights, make tea, dog walks, housework etc....by the time my kids are asleep, i'm emotionally drained, and i know i'm getting snappy...i want to enjoy parenting but its [censored] hectic this.I do not resent my wifes work schedule but it doesn't help.
I don't shout at my kids as a rule, but as they grow i'm struggling to control sibling behaviour, i have a boy 11 a girl at 7 and another girl at 5, but i feel like i'm resenting them more and more...for 11 years i've done everything for them and i feel that i am not appreciated so therefore my natural reaction seems to be to think...well...sod it then, do what you want, i don't care...i know its not right and i want to fix it.
Any advice welcome.
thanks.
Peter.
Simple answer, and first step, in my view, is to talk about this to your wife - perhaps go out for a night somewhere relaxing - but talking is the most important thing.
Hi Peter
Firstly welcome to Dadtalk - I hope you are going to find it a helpful place to be.
I sympathise with everything you are saying, and I know many parents feel like you do. The pace of life these days is extremely fast, but try not to be so hard on yourself. From what you say, it sounds as if you are doing a great job of being a dad to your kids, juggling work and helping in the home - it does all take its toll and leaves us feeling drained. Your kids are no doubt picking up on how tense you are and reacting to it which doesn't help. When you feel yourself going into control freak mode, try to take some time out, take some long deep breaths exhaling slowly - it really does work if done properly.
As well as talking to your wife, somewhere neutral away from the home, it might also be an idea to have a family meeting and suggest that your kids help out with some of the chores around the home, nothing too strenuous but so that they are involved. Give them lots of praise when they behave well, sometimes it is all too easy to overlook good behaviour and concentrate on the negative.
It may help you to talk it through with Parentline Plus which you can do in complete confidence and the calls are free. Call them on 0808 800 2222.
Do think about seeing your GP too if you continue to feel stresed out.
I hope this helps.
Hi Peter, i feel a lot like you sometimes and I still get it wrong a lot as well. Instead of giving you a whole load of advice, I'll just say one and if you want to talk some more, then I'll happily share more of my story.
The best thing I did was force myself to talk to my wife. When you can tackle these things as a team it makes all the difference. Instead of feeling like you're alone, at least you'll have someone else on your side. Also, (and what I've found hard) is that she'll be able to help you and give you advice. I learnt that I don't have all the answers all the time (shock, horror!).
Anyway, hope to hear from you again soon.
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