[Solved] on the verge of giving up

How are you getting on now BD? 🙂

thanks for your replies guys. I was feeling sorry for myself last night. non contact weekend always guts me to the core. I'm better Slim thanks. I have made massive progress. the court were onside straight away and there has been a few tactical agreements to prevent subsequent court dates to get myself into a better position for what is now my final push. the cautionary slow process which they hide behind has really got to what is near the end game. Im now in a position where I enjoy regular overnight weekends, extended time over the festive season with the addition of a week during the approaching mid term.

Basically the only thing left to hide behind now and to try and limit things is the distance which has been placed between us but even then, there is a chance the court could decide that's not an issue as its not actually that far in the grand scheme of things. however, the time for negotiation is done. Ive tried to communicate in an adult fashion only about important topics that effect our child, nothing else, each of which is ignored. I have spoken to work today who have confirmed they will transfer me to where my son now lives which would basically guarantee me getting him every two weeks and 1 or 2 nights throughout the week at the very least and I may very well go to court next time without the usual last minute negotiation as jostling for the upper hand ensues and simply advise the court I have moved to the area, now work there and ask them to make a decision based on a demonstrated further commitment that I only want what's best for my son.

If that's what it takes, that's what I will do. hope you are all doing ok.

Hey BD

Glad you're feeling better than when you started this thread. You've done so well over all this time and a proposed move to the same town sounds like it will be in both you and your son's best interests.

Be kind to yourself and take care....

Hi BD,

As already saaid I'm glad your feeling better about things, it is very tough to adjust to limited contact and you will have those days when you are feeling so low you don't know what to do with your self. that's when you need to come here and talk/vent.

Many of us understand where you are and we are all here for support when needed.

Keep you focus and you will adjust as time goes on.

GTTS

Hi guys,

Aren't you given an opportunity to negotiated at court with you ex? Maybe not directky but via lawyers or simeone else.

Or is it just a simple case of you put forward what you want, the ex suggests hers, then the judge decides

I was told by by ex solicitor that shes not interested in mediation but wants to go to courts to get a legally binding contact arrangement. She said they'll be an opportunity to negotiate before we face the judge.

Was I misinformed?

When you get to court there will be an opportunity ahead of it for you or your brief if you have one to talk to hers and theoretically at this point you can come to some agreement and the court will simply rubber stamp it to make it binding. If there is no agreement then the court can 'decide' but this is likely to be some incremental overtime, building things up gradually scenario unless your ex comes in with some acceptable final offer in the judges eyes. It all depends on whether your ex is the stereotypical maniac and wants to offer virtually nothing or not at the outset.

You can ask her solicitor what she wants in an ideal world. If she is offering for example 1 in every 2 weekends with a night or two through the week, in all honesty, that's about as good as it gets normally but if its pathetically lower then letting the court setting run its course is probably best.

Be aware that the court if required is a long arduous process and can test us all to the limit so be prepared mate.

I found the courts to be better mediators than actual mediators they were fantastic with my ex and really talked her round in the last 2 hearings they really pushed the boat out to talk and make us come to agreements so they dont have to 🙂

My wife has always maintained she wants me to have contact and a relationship with our son. Maybe I'm thinking to much into it, a fools hope, but the use of the words "contact" and "relationship" as two separate entities in a sentence gives me little hope. Yeah you can have contact but a relationship can only be built with frequent contact.

I want 3.5 days a week with shared residency.

I won't accept every other weekend. I made mistakes in our relationship but I was never a bad father and this is what I'll fight for. I love 30min from my wife so travel shouldn't be a problem and it will have little impact on sons life.

Do you think I'm being unrealistic? It's ok you can be brutally honest. You guys have been there and done it.

Its been almost a year to get to the stage where I'm at with contact it's only just moved from supervised to unsupervised next week it starts 5 hours at mine unsupervised then in 6 weeks it moves to overnight stays then ultimately every other weekend fri-sun and midweek over night, All this is way way off so theres no point in pickling your head about it now

Thanks. Is that because you and your ex never could agree. Did she refuse contact and you had to fight for that?

I just saw my son unsupervised at a contact centre. My ex said via her solicitor I can see him every weekend at the centre for as long as I like. She also stressed that it's only a short term solution until contact arrangement is stamped by the courts.

It was only last week I received the non molestation order

I should be grateful because you guys have been through [censored] and back. This is why I'm scared. It's a quiet before the storm. She could screw me right over in the courts.

You're in a better position than most dads by your ex saying she wants contact to go ahead my ex refused point blank any contact what so ever and I didnt see my baby for 9 months so the courts ordered that we make agreements rather than them, they just set out the framework for agreement and done some brilliant mediating we are now making all decisions between our selves.

First and foremost concentrate on the contact with your child you have got and focus on that as as long as the courts see frequent happy contact with no issues then they will want to increase it when it gets to court, you really must stop second guessing what she will or wont do what the courts will or wont do what cafcass will or won't do every case is different all you need to worry about at the moment is actual contact and prparing for your first hearing whilst making sure you don't break your non mol of have anymore issues with the ex.

I know you're right.

It's selfish and I should be grateful for the once a week unsupervised contact I am getting since there are thousands of others in far worse situations, but I just can't.

It broke my heart saying goodbye to him today. He asked where i was going and my heart sunk. I had to make up some lie and it just made it worse.

My punishment for my mistakes as a husband shouldn't exceed losing my wife. What's happening with my son goes up and beyond what I deserve.

My ex is not evil. I know she would hate it if I made her go through what she's putting me through with our son. Yet why does she do it. Hate me all you want. Divorce me. But don't keep me away from my son like this.