[Solved] Nineteen years later

Good Evening,

I've just found and joined the forums whilst looking for advice on a situation that I am in, so this message is a "Hello" and a "Help".

My username is a name of a character in a book I'm reading at the moment, as I wanted to keep names and such stuff offline. I hope people don't mind. 🙁

Nearly twenty years ago I was engaged to a girl and everything seemed good. We moved away from where we'd both grown up, as I had a really good job offer and after much discussion we decided it was the best thing to do. After the move things went bad, really bad, She was a completely changed person and I ended the relationship. The break up wasn't very nice and she returned to where we had both grown up. Once she got there she started making excuses for the break-up of the relationship and telling stories of how I would beat her up, lock her in the house and go off drinking with my 'new' friends only to come home in the early hours of the morning and beat her even more. There was an awful lot more stuff she said, all of which was untrue and incredibly hurtful to me and my family.

About two weeks after the split, I got a phonecall at work from my ex saying she was pregnant.

I told my new employer about the situation and they gave me an extended 'holiday' to try and sort the situation out. I returned to where it all began. I went to her house and she refused to see me, but finally agreed to talk on the doorstep and we made arrangements to meet up at the local cafe and talk the next day.

I was incredibly distraught, my parents and family were all away on holiday and I had no one to talk to. I was unaware of what she had been saying after returning, so I phoned my best friend to arrange to meet up for a pint and have a chat about what had happened. We sorted out to meet at the pub later. That evening I got to the pub and he was a bit 'on edge' and cautious with his conversation. I didn't really notice at the time, but something was going on.

A bit later, my ex turned up at the pub. She joined me and my 'best friend' for a drink, but refused to talk about the situation. There was a warning light flashing in the back of my head and I realised that these two had been having a relationship. I didn't say anything and I left the pub soon afterwards, but I didn't go home. I waited outside and after a few minutes they both left the pub. I followed and they went off to the park and proceeded to 'get it off' in a dark corner of the park. At this point I stepped up and interrupted their... play(?).

So, I found out my ex was pregnant on the same same I found out that she was having a sexual relationship with my best friend. This nearly killed me, I had a breakdown, nearly lost my life, my job and everything I was. Nine months later I received a letter from my ex telling me she had given birth to a daughter, that she was mine and I would never have anything to do with her.

As you can probably imagine, that knocked me back again and I ended up on more medication. It took a very long time to recover and rebuild my life, but eventually I did and although I have never seen my daughter she has always been there in the back of my mind. As the years passed, I would note her birthdays and wonder how she was and what she was like. But there was no contact.

Now, nineteen years later... my daughter has managed to find me and make contact.

I'm nervous, excited, scared, hopeful and a hundred more feelings all bunched up. She wants to have contact, she says that she wants to find out who she is and where she is from, the history of my side of the family.

Her mum is actually married to my ex-best friend and although they have said they are okay with her trying to find me, I gather from my conversations with my daughter that there is an undercurrent there where they aren't exactly... pleased... that she has done this.

We've been chatting (via fcebook) for a couple of weeks now. It really is wonderful, but I don't know what to do. Our talks have mostly been about innocent daily stuff with the odd bits of personal history (both sides) but nothing about the time before her birth.

I would rather take the relationship slowly and build a friendship up. We've even discussed meeting at a future date.

I have no idea what her mum has said to her about the break-up or her actions at the time. I can only imagine that whatever she has said it is a long way away from what the truth is.

So, this is my dilemma... She will want to know my side of the story... But what do I say?

Any help or advice would be really appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.