[Solved] My Pain is getting to much to bear

Hi There,

Sorry to hear how your feeling, It is easy to say that time will heal and I know it must feel hard to believe this, but it does get easier over time.

How did you get to the arrangement you now have? you could try to arrange a mid week visit through mediation, see if you can reach a compronise on more contact.

We will all be here for support while your feeling low so please keep talking to us.

GTTS

thanks you so much. I got to the situation i'm at now by taking court action in the face of a totally unreasonable offering of contact and a complete stubbornness to communicate by my ex wife. As Im not in England, mediation is not compulsory although I did offer this and she ignored it.

I should be happy. my situation is clearly better than some poor folk on here in that im getting regular unsupervised contact as there was no justification for anything else. I'm wanting residential overnight contact which is only viable at weekends due to distance strategically applied by my ex.

I spend my days obsessing over the things I took for granted till recently, bonfire night, festive season knowing they will break my heart this year. I guess year by year it becomes more manageable the pain. I have no idea whether I should have any faith that longer term, it would be in my childs best interest in the eyes of the court to spend some holiday time with me to. I have this fear ill get him twice a fortnight for 1 day and that's it, 24 days a year. I try and rationalise and tell myself surely that wouldn't be fair to my son but im still a novice at this and I guess totally scared of how this ends up

Its hopeful that on my next court date ill get overnights but I just cant fathom seeing my child once a week/fortnight whatever ensues. Theres so much uncertainty about what happens during holiday times etc, what ill be given if anything.

It consumes me completely, just cant stop thinking about it day in and day out.

Hey brokendad, sorry to hear you're feeling low again, you sounded so positive the other day. It is an emotional rollercoaster, but keep posting, we're all here for you....

Did anything come of the suggested Mediation?

thank you. yes its happening. its likely a strategic ploy from my opponent but ive taken legal advice and been reassured if it is it wont have any bearing on the court hearing this month. If it goes well, we can continue it but in tandem with any decision that's made, more for other matters. In terms of my evolving contact, it should have no bearing on that. I was concerned this was an attempt by my ex to make it look like she had been amicable thus far which would be a total fabrication. Our position of thought is that the judge will see right through this as an attempt to look helpful when its been anything but so heres hoping.

Sending you lots of luck and keeping everything crossed for you 🙂

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this - I just lost some of my contact and I now have a 10 day gap and for the past 24 hours I like you have been a blubbering wreck - Everytime I talk about Im whelling up (like now) and the gap is unbearable between contact.

I've found some solace in doing something about it - Im working on my appeal and thats focused my mind - its helping for now - so perhaps try something along the same means - focusing your mind on getting a better outcome ?

Im quite a weak person when it comes to devastating news and had I not had my partner around me last night I dont know what I'd have done - talk to people the rawness of the feeling will fade (I' felt very similar when I seperated from my ex and no longer saw my children every day - took a long time but I kind of got used to less regular contact)

Chin up dude - dust yourself down and get back up - think like many of us on here thats all you can do - get straight back into the fight - even if I dont get my contact back Im going to drag my ex through the court at every opportunity and my children will be shown (when they are adult) that I didnt make the choice not to be around them all the time and I never stopped fighting to be involved in their lives

I feel for you Brokendad in every sense of the word , pain emotional or physical is there as a sign something's wrong you know what's wrong and can fix it . I've been there and I'm still there at times but have light at the end of the tunnel with the final hearing for custody close , follow the path you are on too many times court is the only way . Live for yourself too your son needs a dad unbroken , I know it becomes all consuming " The feeling " shall we call it , learn to recognise when its getting hold of you learn to compartmentalise , a wide open mind can be self destructive . Its all a bit robot but file your mind , remember the good and adjust the scales of good and bad . You live for your son he knows this use this love it is a real power ,energy that becomes lost in a hazy overwhelmed tired mind , live for your son the way he wants you to and needs you to for the future . I wish you peace , strength and focus , Nee .

thanks nee. things have moved a bit. I've been to court and been granted residential contact, the 1st of which is this weekend. The 'feeling' still comes and goes as you say but I am now back at work and that has give me a bit of focus that gives my mind another zone in which to attune to for the working day.

Im actually so excited about this weekend I can barely sleep but equally im scared of saying goodbye again. Back to court soon at which point I hope to be given more permanent arrangements and holiday time at which point for the 1st time in a long time, Ill have definitive routine. Maybe and only then I can get my life back and think of something else other than this situation.

I'm really happy for you and your son , your doing the right thing . If your ex is a good mum its half the battle in missing our children knowing they are being cared for properly . My ex is a nasty piece of work and everything came to a head last Christmas when she assaulted him AGAIN and he ended up back there , I felt like my heart broke again but she has dug her own hole in this situation and our final hearing is on the 15th and he'll be with me full time , He's at the point of wanting emancipation from her nowhere near ideal but simply the best thing for him now due to how destructive she has been his whole life .The poor boy has been used as her cats paw since the moment he was born . It took me a long time but I miss Jake with a smile and remember the good times and have taught him to do the same to help him cope too , there's always more good than bad if you can see through the haze and nonsense that can be created . Jake and I have always been close and it fills me with warmth and love as our bond still grows , like I say a real energy , to be deep in our last days on this silly rock all there is is love . You two have a great time at the weekend , Nee .