[Solved] Health Visitor championing the importance of Dads!

Hi Laura and welcome.

It's an interesting idea - I'm not sure how an app would work, but in principle, it's potentially an easy way of getting information out where it's needed.

Being family centred is very important - although the majority of people on here are dads, we tend not to side with the dad, but with the child - there are a few women who have posted on here who we have (hopefully) given the best advice possible to, and there's also been the odd dad where we have said very clearly that what they are doing is wrong.

An app or similar would be a good delivery mechanism.

Really sound advice based on evidence would be fantastic, particularly coming from trained professionals in the Health Visitor / Child Health area.

My ex has retracted overnight contact on the advice of her health visitor. Stating that negative behavioral changes result following overnight contact and travel - It would be good to be able to access peer reviewed / evidence based information on things such as separation anxiety (something being claimed in my case, my son is two!)

It would also be a good idea to have a timeline of the stages where child development is checked and reported, I learnt through a friend yesterday that my boy should have had a report prepared for him by nursery health visitor etc. I have no idea how this works and not being close to my ex means i missed out on these processes, i would guess that some guys would be in a similar position.

Thanks for posting here

Thank you for your post jiggers80.

It would be the intention of the App to ensure that fathers are included in the service including providing information on what the service is able to provide in your area, I believe this is wholly necessary to ensure the important role fathers can play is supported.

Thank you again for your input.

Laura.

Hi Laura

I'll just run through my situation before anything else.

My name is Andrew, I am 36 and a father of a 3 1/2 yo daughter who has recently moved to the USA with my ex wife (amicable).

I am currently studying Children's Nursing at Cardiff Uni and have spent the past 3 months working alongside a children's HV.

I think an app is a brilliant way of informing and reassuring new fathers about their new responsibilities and fears. I myself considered writing a book about the highs and lows of have a child (but I'm not literate enough to get that going).

When I was with my HV I was always glad when the fathers were there as I was able to talk to them about how THEY were feeling about things and ask if there was anything worrying them, which seemed to be well accepted. My HV also told me that there were some things I ad mentioned that she missed and never really thought about. I must point out that my HV was an amazing woman and one of the most considerate and professional people I have ever met.

I suppose that if I were to have an app that talked about being a new father I would like to see some of the following ideas and/or reassurances:

1, Being a dad is one of the most rewarding and difficult responsibilities anyone can have and new fathers, regardless of their age and social background, should be able to discuss and disclose worries and fears freely without judgement. ( a bit idealistic I know, but important none the less).

2, There are a few things that went through my mind during the early days of my girl's life that scared me and made me feel like a terrible person. I have been lucky enough to have been able to discuss these worries with similar people and have also put others at ease with their own feelings. Issues such as:

- after being woken for the 20th time in an evening by a crying, screaming baby and thinking (if only for a couple of seconds) about googling adoption agencies the following morning does not make you want to get rid of your child.

- wanting to throw your baby out the window during that same evening (but obviously not actually doing it) is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, unless you feel like that a lot of the time.

My wife had ante and post natal depression and I was the main carer for our girl for the first 2 years, I'm no saint by any stretch of the imagination but I did ignore the signs and symptoms of PND. In my experience It would be great to have had something that gave me information regarding PND and how to act upon it.

When my girl cried in my ear it would get to a pitch that brought on inner and instant rage (a perfectly natural thing apparently), I personally discovered that ear plugs allowed me to hear my girl's anguish whilst keeping me sane.

I also had my girl sleep ON my chest for the first 3 nights at home before putting her in her carrycot at night. I would strongly recommend extending that period to allow your partner to sleep, but also to bond with your child. The importance of mother/baby bonding is always pushed, but nothing is out there to promote father/baby bonding, and if the mother is breast feeding the father doesn't get to partake in that until around 6 weeks. Obviously the dangers of dink and drug use during this time needs to be addressed but those few nights of watching my new baby girl sleeping on mu chest are some of the best memories of my life.

I could talk about this all day and if I can think of anything else I wish I could have known before having a child I will put it up here.

I hope you find this useful and please don't hesitate to reply if you think i'm completely on the wrong track.

Andrew