Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello
I am father two a 2 and a half your old girl and split from her mother 1 year ago (she left). For the past 6 months we have had a pretty reasonable relationship regarding looking after our daughter, pretty much 50/50 if you count overnight stays as the benchmark - its actually slightly more in favour of me (53%). As of today my daughters mother has decided that it would be in her best interest for the situation to move to a 5/2 split, with me getting contact/access for 2 nights. The best argument she can come up with as to her reasoning is the old 'because I am her Mum' & 'that's just what happens'. I have always monitored my daughters behaviour to see if the status quo of 3/4 nights affects her. There is no evidence whatsoever that the current contact split is affecting her. She is a happy, confident, very smart girl. There is no evidence (when she is with me) of being withdrawn, out of character misbehaviour, poor sleep, angry or moody. We had a discussion this evening where my ex raised the subject that she wants to move to the aforementioned 5/2 split. I disagreed. I felt that the status quo is the way to continue with her parenting until such times as she reaches school age, whereby we can review the situation. I also suggested that if my ex genuinely felt that a 5/2 split would be beneficial to our daughter I would consent but did not see why it had to be me as the father that only had her the 2 nights and that it might also be suggested that my ex has her the 2 nights. To which uproar ensued and the above 'I am her mum she stays with me' point of view came across. My ex is adamant that there is no way she would ever only have her the 2 nights, but expects me to accept this!!! I would gladly have her 7 nights if I could, but I believe it important that she has a good relationship with her Mum. I don't see why there should be any distinction. And if I was pushed for an answer I genuinely believe for my daughters welfare that she would be better off staying with me. I have far more involvement in her learning & development skills, her proposed primary school is 200 yards away from my house (owned), I am in a better financial position and even her mother will admit she is a Daddy's girl. Help?? How do I proceed with this situation? I would rather avoid court at all cost if possible, but am open to Mediation Services.
Many thanks for your time.
Sandy
Hi Sandy
As you suggested, mediation is certainly the best way forward for the moment - try www.nfm.org.uk as a starting point.
Thank you. I am going to try reasoning with my ex again to see if we can come to some sort of agreement. If that fails I shall move to mediation
I agree...don't leave it too long. Perhaps once your ex realises how seriously you take a change in the present arrangements she may back down.
Do you think this might have anything to do with the amount of maintenance you pay? Do you have a private arrangement as far as this is concerned?
I don't want to be cynical but.... It has been known for some resident parents to reduce overnight contact so that they can get child maintenance payments increased.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.