[Solved] Why, why, why

Morning all,
Where do I start…?
I am the proud father to my 8 year old daughter and ever since her mother and I separated when she was 1 I have had nothing but trouble. I separated from my ex for the good of my daughter, I didn’t want her being brought up in a world of mum and dad arguing, little did I know it would end up with us arguing anyway. What I will say however is I have read some other posts over the past few days and I could be in a much, much worse position. I really do feel for some of guys on here as I’m not sure I could put up with some of the situations, I have nothing but respect and admiration for you all.
I have had the typical stuff over the last 7 years, running late so I can’t pick my daughter up on time, no you can’t have her as I have plans already, it’s too short notice so no you can’t have your daughter right through to only being allowed my daughter for 2 weeks a year with no explanation as to why and not being allowed to take my daughter abroad again with no other reason other than “I’m her mother and I can do what I want”.
So over the past 7 years I have battled and battled and done everything the way it should be done, write letters, go to mediation, get a solicitor and finally go to court. I have spent all of my savings and as such can only rent rather than buy, I have had to use money out of my sons (with my new partner) and daughter’s savings accounts and even had to put money on credit cards to get to where I have got to today. Where has that got you today I hear you ask? Well it has got me to my basic rights which is my daughter in my care during my work entitled holidays and every other weekend access (I should point out that up until court I had my daughter 3 out of 4 weekends, but not ALL weekend just some of it). So I have used all of my money and other people’s money and got myself into debt, have had 7 years of [censored] and second guessing and after all of that I am now entitled to what I should have been given anyway. But surely the women who has put you in this position and made you spend all of that money to get to what you are entitled to be has been punished hasn’t she I hear you ask? Nope, she dictated when the mediation sessions were, she claimed legal aid for these sessions, didn’t have to pay a penny for court and after it all managed to change the weekend arrangement into her favour.
As I am sure any dad on this board would ask himself; how did I ever love this person and what was I thinking and how and why can the whole life of my daughter and my life be decided and dictated by a single person’s decision, accusations or actions?
Its ok though as there is loads of support out there from the Government and charities so I will be ok!!! Not at one single stage of this process have I been offered any support either emotionally or financially to help me get to the stage where I get to what I am entitled to. When I asked the court to explain how the court case will be structured and what will the room look like and how many people will be sat in there and who they are, I was told “you will just have to wait until you get in there”. Had I known all of these things I would have been better prepared and would have done things differently. It’s great that sites like this exist but SURELY there is a responsibility on the courts to provide this kind of information.
Something which really did make me think whilst I was sat waiting 2 hours for my court case in the waiting room was when I seen a poster on the wall. It was a lady in tears and the shadow of a man and the words “Does he call you ugly, does he tell you what to do, does he tell you can’t do things you want to do” if so this is a form of abuse. It got me thinking, everything I have been put through over the last 7 years is a form of abuse, different circumstances, different type of relationship however it is in my eyes a form of abuse. The things I have missed out on as a result of my ex’s decisions that is a form of abuse. I am 32 years of age now and I feel like I have lost a large, important part of my life where my head has been completely focussed on my daughter, I have essentially put my life on hold as well as others around me. As I mentioned earlier I have a son with my current partner and we share a great bond but it could have been so easy for me to be so focussed on this case with my daughter that he is brushed to one side.
What amazed me about the whole court process was at no point was the history as to why we were at court was brought up. The magistrates were only concerned about what is in the best interest of my daughter and where we go from here. That is acceptable to a point but how about the previous 7 years where I have been fighting every week to see my daughter and take her on family holidays and spend more time with her… all that is just completely ignored. At one point the legal advisor said “Miss xx position statement is more than reasonable” to which I replied, “Look at my position statement and tell me whether you think her actions to date have been reasonable”. The court case had merely forced her hand and she had 7 years of time with my daughter when she should have been in my care. I cannot believe that the court refuses to look at each case on its merits; the decision was made before I walked into the room and unless I could tell them reasons such as abuse towards my child from her mother they were always going to give the standard court order. If I one day decided to commit a crime and it went to court I would have all the evidence provided for and against me and everything would be taken into account, yet in the family court the decision is made unless you can give a reason for it to change.
I think what made me realise that the courts attitude to dads has not changed is when we first started the case my ex started crying and the judge said “let’s stop proceeding for a moment, can somebody get Ms xx some tissues please, are you ok Ms xx, would you like a couple of minutes and some water”? After the judge decided the court order and presented it to us, I was obviously upset and I am man enough to admit I started to cry, the judge said to me “Mr xx, do not tie yourself up in emotion, this decision is in the best interest of your daughter and is fair on both parents”. To be fair to the legal advisor she actually turned to the judge and said “Sir this is a highly emotional decision for Mr xx, please give him a minute” Maybe I am looking at this completely wrong and maybe I am being biased but for me the difference in attitude to my ex to me was worlds apart.

Anyway I have bleated on for long enough. The main purpose of my post is this…
I want to help, I want to make sure that others don’t have to go through what I have had to go through, I want to make others aware that there is no support out there for dads and if there is where is it. With social media nowadays anything is possible, just look at the ice bucket challenge as an example. Surely there is something we can do to help make the changes required, whether that is changes to the CSA, dad’s rights over their children or anything else a dad might need support with. I am having a mad moment where I want to change the world and if I get an idea I can’t let go of it, why should I be able to help change things I am and my daughter and my family are all victims of this stupid system we have in this country. Why should a mother hold all the cards, why should dads have to pander to all the decisions the mum makes, why should the dad have to suffer for months and years while the mum gets all the support both financially and emotionally, why should the dad have to jump through hoops to see their child/children and why should they have to fund it all to get their basic rights, why, why why?