[Solved] When do I push for custody?

Hi There,

I don't know how long to leave it, but I would see if you can come to a private agreement first and see how things go, from what you have said a private agreement may well be hard going but if you can show that you have tried it will go in your favour if and when you end up in court.

If you do go through court I would look to go for a 50/50 shared care rather than full custody and settling for shared care, you would be taken a lot more seriously on that path, unless you have very good evidence that the child is in danger with the mother you would find it very difficult to gain full custody.

It's not impossible but it doesn't happen that often.

GTTS

Thank you for responding. I have tried to discuss custody arrangements with her. Her and her family have maintained that it's "not the right time" and "we don't need to talk about signing anything". I have been accused of pushing it to the point of "harrassing her". I'm having an incredibly difficult time letting it go and leaving it in her hands.

I am trying to think about the long term here. During the pregnancy, she has struck me and thrown things on a few occasions, she cut herself and had suicidal ideation. She threatened to "have the baby and move to Chicago"(where her family lives. She lied to me to keep me from doctor appointments. She lost her nursing license because of her drinking but has since stopped using. That being said, I am willing to settle for 50/50 parenting time and reevaluate if she is unfit (as I believe she is).

I am so concerned that allowing her to decide when I can have time with my daughter will only create a gap and distance between my little one and I.

Hi Again,

If you go for and manage to gain 50/50 either through agreement (which may be a stretch by the sounds of things) or through court then you would still be a big part of your childs life.

GTTS

In my limited experiences so far in life i have found women during and after pregnancy are either....a massive hormonal mess of a monster waiting to burst out or the same amazing person they were when you first met.

Sounds like you have the first one on your hands and if you push her too far now you could well find yourself on the receiving end of a world of mental pain.
However, if you sit back and do nothing that could have the same result....."you're dammed if you do, dammed if you don't"

you've already mentioned the "harrassing her" part that would send alarm bells to many on here....if she so chose to and if she was that way inclined she could well try and stop you contacting her by going to the police and reporting you as harassing her....or she could apply for a Non-Molestation order.

if either of those things happen then you're going to be on your back foot regarding contact arrangements unless she is reasonable and rational.

may be write a letter / email to her explaining that you want to be there for your child and that just because you to cannot be together that shouldn't affect your relationship with the child and that you want things to be amicable for the child.

don't go in to areas that could become flash points about 50/50 contact which is bascially you telling her your wanting to take her baby away from her as she will see it.
she will need time as will you to bond with the child but i doubt very much that the courts would consider overnight contact away from the mother within a few months of birth unless there was real risk to the baby from her.

if you end up going to court you may want to mention the threat of her taking the baby back to her family in the US, but again be careful about pushing things is what i would say right now.

Hi there

Dad-i-d has given you some sound advice here. Until the baby is born you have no rights at all, and to begin with, you would be advised to accept what she is offering.

Try turning on the charm, write to her as suggested and apologise for trying to get contact arrangements in place before she was ready. Explain that you want to be there for them both and are happy to work with her to provide the best life for your child. If you haven’t already, ask her if there’s anything she needs for the baby and just be generally amenable towards her. It might be difficult, but it would save you a lot of stress in the long run.

All the best