[Solved] walking away, from all pain, wil you evey regret,

Don't give up never give up but to get through it you need to change your mindset when I couldn't see my son I woke up one day and thought stuff it im going to keep going I went went to the gym wich really helped my self of steam and I treated the whole thing like a parenting holiday,and your currently studying the law.

Through court unless your violent

You will get contact and you will get parental rights and named on the birth certificate keeping going with court it will wear your ex down more than you trust me!!

Don't give up tho it will be the end of you trust me you will be layng on a beach somehwere that stomach will still be hurting do it now I've got your back wake up tomorow like a robot doing everything by the book 1 by 1 of course you will see your baby again that I can guarantee !!

thanks mate,

i have taken action mate, am in court, and i hope ill get pr, its just as above , all the [censored] shes saying really,, im not perfect , but i dont deserve this lot,

No dad is ever perfect, you're not expected to be, but fighting for your child is worthwhile, and whatever happens, you know you are doing the best you can, and hopefully it will pay off. The [censored] that comes with it will make it sweeter if you get somewhere.

Hi ACTD,

As much as i respect your responses and over the years they have helped me out, if i was to read that reply it would bring me right down. Your being honest and thats what we all need, and your honesty is all about "if's" "but's" and "maybes!!" do mothers rely on on "if's", "but's" and "maybes", no they dont and there lies our problem.

Yes no dad is perfect but all dads need to keep to a certain standard and if we dont keep to that standard we lose everything. I will always say in every post of mine how many mistakes i made and i deserve what i got, well maybe we as guys get pushed to act irrational.

Paul

T135TO

...I don't see how actds reply is a bring down! Hes encouraging a1dad2b to continue, but acknowledng the unknowns of the situation.. all courtrooms are different and results are entirely dependent on the calibre of the judge on the day. Honesty as far as family law is concerned is all about speaking about the ifs and buts and maybes, there are no definites when embarking on this journey and outcomes are impossible to predict.

Just like dads, moderators aren't perfect either, but we have the experience to know that encouragement is important, but we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't advise being cautious about having too high expectations either.

I think it's great that you can acknowledge the mistakes you've made, but it might also be a good idea to mention that we did try and "talk you down" in the beginning, we did try and point you in the right direction, but sometimes you just weren't in listening mode!

At the end of the day it's not about us though is it, it's about the rights of our children to have both parents in their lives and if that means having to turn the other cheek sometimes, or work with the system that we have, as flawed as it is sometimes, then that's what we need to do.

a1dad2b

I think you're doing the right thing, if you can't get anywhere with the mother then mediation and court are your only options.

It's very common for some women to make all sorts of allegations and to play dirty, the courts see this type of behaviour all the time. What they are looking for from you is a dad that is completely child focussed, wants to work with the system, isn't interested in [censored] for tat and can be the bigger person, that rises above it and continues to put their case calmly and reasonably.

It can be hard being calm and reasonable when the other side is going all out to make you look bad...but by not reacting you are giving the right response. Of course you should voice any concerns you have, but often it's best not to drag up the past to much, at least don't rely on it. All the courts want is to be reassured that the child is safe and looked after by you both, your ups and downs with the mother don't really concern them, unless there are safeguarding issues or Social Services involvement in the past.

What is important to remember is that it's the child's right to have both parents in their life, it's not the right of the parent...that's how the Courts view it.

All the best

🙁 so if you got it wrong? what have you done wrong? sorry dont no what to press on seeing your, concerns, thanks

thanks mojo,,,but? if its like you say not [censored] for tat, then whats the arguement the fight for?? i really understand that saying nasty stuff is not the way,, i get that, even tho, its very hard not to when reading all the lies, put forward by your ex, the woman that we all loved at one point and some like me still do,, god help us,,

Hi Mojo,

Yes you all did try to point me the right way but i was to stubborn and thought i knew better, i do also mention that and my mistakes in nearly everything i post. I may sound self centred and a narcissist but the reason i always refer back to my own situation is because its all i know, i wont respond to posts i have not had first hand experience of.

I would also like to take this opportunity and say that if i am ever out of line towards anybody then please do pull me on it and i will try and reign it in. I am a bit like that Twiston character (who i have not seen about for ages)...i say it bluntly and straight to the point from my own experience, however i do hope im slightly more tactful than he ever was.

Paul

Hi A1dad2b.

I (still) struggle with wanting to defend myself (perfectly natural) against the allegations the mother of my children has made.....even though there really not much of an issue any more as Cafcass said no concerns over me spending time with my kids...... all the judge needs to know is that your safe for your kids to spend time with.... the problem is that when defending yourself it is easily taken too far by us and could end up looking to the judge like there is no chance that you and your ex will ever get on..... its all a matter of perspective as the judge has no idea what your true personality is...... all the judge has to go on is how you present yourself and what you say in front of them (body language and all) and is going to be a big factor in how the judge is going to perceive you..... show the judge your a loving father and that there are no safety concerns.... yes ..... [censored] for tat in front of judge.... no.
The other thing that you have to remember is that by taking this into the court arena is has given her the upper hand in a number of ways and allows her to keep control..... saying this the judges will want to keep things moving forward... they want to make progress and get the best outcome for your kids in the quickest time .... your ex can make all the allegations she wants but eventually she will have to provide the evidence to back it up..... the irony is that at the end of the day even if she doesn't have the evidence it really doesn't matter to the judge.... its like playing a game of cards where the hand is stacked against you and you don't know the rules.....

Even if something has happened, for the best results take the advice from the other posts and keep things child focused...... don't get caught up in [censored] for tat and justifying yourself...... and keep asking questions... the family court system is a whole other game.... stressful but its also an eye opener.

🙁 i am going to be cool , i should hate my now ex, really, for what shes done to me, thing is shes hitting me with all sorts , and ive got a , harrasment from plod, about not seeing her, and to think the woman was everything to me, and its a pity for me i still love her , but less now, so am i fuckd, i hope not , she can prove i saw her, nothing nasty, tho was said, on my part just wanted to says hows baby and i got fxxx off, is just so sad,

look.... no one is perfect but that doesn't mean that your not allowed to have your child in your life, and you in theirs.... you should because its much better that they have you around than not..... you have multiple issues to deal with including your own mental health which is why its so important that you look after yourself..... go to families need fathers webpage and find a local group if there is one close by.... I've recently found out about this by reading other posts here and wish i'd know a while ago, having people to talk to about this in person who can listen is important and it helps lighten the mental anxiety i imagine that your going through.... even just having people to listen and nothing else..... i think everyone around me is fed up of listening, is uncomfortable or just doesn't know what to say but sometimes it helps to get things off your chest..... especially if there are others going through a similar thing.

I would expect that you will get to see you child,..... you just have to stick with it and see this through..... jump through the hoops and tell the truth.
It sounds like you may have repeatedly tried to be a part of your childs life but the childs mother has not allowed this? when you speak to cafcass tell them the truth of the matter..... yes you've got frustrate and said some things to the mother that you regret but you want to be apart of your childs life....

it sounds like your having difficulties with your feelings towards your ex, feelings of loss and rejection from the one you love and trusted?.... depression and despair at the situation your in?.... thats how I was six months ago but its mush more fleeting now..... its not all consuming like it was though i still have bouts.... there's a lot of info out there about dealing with breakups and moving on..... i found lots of insightful stuff on the internet, on youtube and in books.... some rubbish some good..... but its a slow process.....

it will feel great when your finally able to give your little one that much deserved first hug...... keep your chin up and find ways to stay positive 🙂