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hi, and helol all im new here just a normal guy, wanting to have contact with his child, , my story, were do you start, met a woman, i surpose, ? became pregnant, then, was what we wanted, then relationship went to [censored], arguements about anything, and nothing,could not do anything right, until she said that she dont love me , and boom , am single again, i had a very hard time wanting to no how the pregnancy was going, and was told nothing what so ever,, i belive, the turm is,, a sperm doner, thats so wrong, and the pain, of it was not only still loving the now ex, i had , baby on my mind 24/ 7, the only time i got to say anything to ex, was hows she and growing baby, only to her being very cold, and go away, and i was lost, and very down,about it all being a first time dad,, made matters worse for me, so baby came all fine, i wasnt at babys birth, i was not wanted, and that again was very hard to deal with, and ex stop all contact, no texts calls sweet nothing, i did try and see baby, but got no answer at the door, as the weeks rolled by,, i just could not get that off my mind that i had have a baby and i cannot see her, 4 monthes past , and i went to see a solicitor, and mediation, went from there, she didnt show up,, i saw her once, while out with baby just by chance, nothing nasty what so ever was said on my part,, only to be told get away,, beacuse by that time ex , would have recived court papers, later i had a visit from police,, harassment? what the [censored] was this,? only wanted to see how baby was doing, so again time past weeks, then boom solicitors letter saying ex has stated , domestic violence, i never ever hit a woman in my life, and also lots of made up lies , about me, then cafcass got involved, had the call all went ok,, really, i surpose,, he asked me if i was a drinker or on any drugs,, and i said no,, and thats true, in the meanwhile ex saying now wants a dna,,,,, test so at first court hearing , judge says to have one,, thats all what was said really, and i get second cafcass letter saying more lies about ex saying im abusive controling, voilent, and a stalker now,, and i have had no contact with baby in 10 months??? that was not my choice, if id had contact id be in more [censored] if looking back at things id try to see baby i would again have harassment pins, of wich i had to allready, and now ex sone says im abusive, hes only very young, and i loved hime as mine,, i have no dout what so ever that the ex as told hime to say this to cafcass, now, cafcass wants a section 7 report, about me,, and i dont no what this is,, ,,, so back to my question,,,,, when if do you say to yourself,, that you have given it your best and the ex , the woman that you once loved, has very much, done this to you and will say anything to get you out of her,, and , most importantly, babys life,, when do you give up,,, and if you do,, will you carry that cross for life,,,, any advice,, most welcome,, thankyou for reading,,,and good luck to all on here,
Hi There,
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I think at the stage you are it isn't the time to give up, by the sounds of it, you will have a tough time in court, but as court has only just started if it was me I would see it through to the end, and see what comes of it, if the judge doesn't see things from your side and things aren't going well then you always have the option to decide not to follow things any further, the judges have started to get very good at seeing through lies, and if they are lies then there will be no evidence and that will be shown.
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In answer to your question if you do walk away, then yes you will always carry this with you, you will wonder constantly if you made the right decision, and you will miss your child on a daily basis.
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My advice is if you have tried every option available to you and you still aren't able to get anywhere, then at least you know you have tried. I would also say that whilst your child is at an age that they won't really be effected by the whole ordeal then you really should push as far as you can before walking away.
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GTTS
thankyou got the shirt, i need as much, advice as i can get, what is a section 7 report,
Hi,
I replied to one of your posts just recently and i see i can also relate to this one.
Firstly a section 7 report is what CAFCASS do to ascertain both sides of the story and they then file it to the courts at your hearings. Im not gonna lie, they usually speak to the mother first then call you afterwards, so please be honest with them. They usually rip you apart in them to, they then tend to believe the mother and the accusations they make, however the final decision lies with the judge so its them you need to worry about but this section 7 report does hold alot of leveridge. If admin want to come and say this is not true then thats fine, but trust me, this is how it goes.
6 months ago the thought of giving up on fighting for my daughter i would have laughed at, i would of said, "no chance i will fight to my dying breath"....Now i have given up, im sick and tired of the bickering, i have lost jobs, friends, homes, my fitness and health and i am just fed up with the whole situation. I have caused alot of my own downfall, as i said in my previous post to you, but you know the time when you have had enough and you have to let nature do its course.
All the best
Paul
thanks paul, only ive had the cafcass man ring me? now the second letter ive had from cafcass is not the best,, tbh, lies , mainly, so in the section 7 report thig? and i still dont no what it is? what will happen, ive not seen baby in 10 months , well only once, tears you apart day by day
if and i no its hard for ya,, how hard did your ex make it , for you,, if you dont answer thats fine, i understand, your feelings,,
Hi,
In the section 7 report CAFCASS will ask for a meeting face to face, if you cant do that they will conduct it over the phone. As i said the section 7 is to get both sides of the story.
Mate i can see your in bits and i do feel for you, its so so easy for me to say "be strong and it will work out fine", but it will fall on deaf ears as all i know right now what you want is contact. But if court is all you have then [censored] trust me, play ball mate, if you dont play ball you lose. If court is all you have be patient, let court do their job. Trust me.
Paul
Don't give up never give up but to get through it you need to change your mindset when I couldn't see my son I woke up one day and thought stuff it im going to keep going I went went to the gym wich really helped my self of steam and I treated the whole thing like a parenting holiday,and your currently studying the law.
Through court unless your violent
You will get contact and you will get parental rights and named on the birth certificate keeping going with court it will wear your ex down more than you trust me!!
Don't give up tho it will be the end of you trust me you will be layng on a beach somehwere that stomach will still be hurting do it now I've got your back wake up tomorow like a robot doing everything by the book 1 by 1 of course you will see your baby again that I can guarantee !!
thankyou
Hi,
And i had this same mindset about not giving up. Regardless of what i have said about walking away its literally for the time being, i am going on courses and helping myself and i will file another court order in 6-10 months time, so deep down i also have not 100% walked away but ive done whats best for the time being, i was constantly losing everything and it will also effect your children with the stress of court on both parties.
All, "aldad2be" wants to hear right now is positivity, and there is nothing wrong in that, i was just the same when i had it all going for me, all i wanted was to constantly be told its going to be ok etc, all i am doing is describing a bigger picture. As im said alot of this is down to my own stupidity but i am also giving you both sides of the moon instead of one.
Paul
Hi a1dad2be,
i've often thought about walking away.... again have tonight...... my kids are a lot older than yours but to see them being used and hurt to get at me..... it breaks my heart..... I've been to some dark places and really struggled with what is best for them.... and the advice is to stick around and see it though.
eventually come out the other end..... day by day.... step by step..... its really difficult at times but i agree with both T1 and Danbrough...... things do get better..... everything was dark stormy clouds but now the sun shines through a bit.... when i remember to look up..... regular exercise does help and so does changing the way you view things.... i use the self help videos on youtube a lot.... What i do know is that my kids deserve a [censored] sight better than what there getting now.... and for the future.
If your not going to take action tho at the very least I would be getting the c1 parental responsibilty form sent off if you don't have PR already get your self up that registry and with a pr order you can add your details as the father without the mother this along will get the spring in your step going
In my case once I was on the birth cert through a PR order my ex actually started playing ball and respected me more
Without pr she could take that kid abroad forever if she wanted so id do it asap so you feel more secure
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