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Hello,
I am transgender as a result of coming out my wife left me. (This I understand) writhin 3 weeks of that separation she was in a new relationship within 3 no the she announced she was pregnant with her second child. We had 1 beautiful little girl while we were together....fast forward a little more....the divorce is going through and things are still very difficult between me and the mother and my little girl struggles trying to please us both...which she shouldn't have to do!
We live at opposite ends of the village and she visits often so far things have been manageable between us all hard but manageable, my daughter has been asking for more time with me and has even told her mother without print she wants to live with me she is 7. The mother talked her out of it and made her promise not to talk about it any more, I requested that she maybe stay over on one of the evenings she comes to visit and was told no.
I am in the military and I'm due a move soon this little girl has already been through so much I am fighting to stay at my current unit to continue being a stable place and person in her life. The mother found out about this, and has essentially issued an ultimatum...I take my posting and leave..where ever that may be or I stay and she will move away!
What can I do? Surely she cannot just up sticks and move our little girl hundreds of miles away from me? She has so much going on!
The separation
The transition of one of her parents
Being moved in with a new man
A new sibling
And now potentially a further separation?? Please any help would be appreciated!
Jess
Hi there
Because of the uncertainty over your move, it's difficult to advise... when will you know whether you have to go or not? IMO you need to know what is happening in this respect, before you can find out what your options are.
If you don't move, you could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to try and stop your ex's move, but there are no guarantees of success, if you can prove that the ex's move away is to prevent contact between you and your child, you may stand a better chance.
Before you could apply to the court, you would need to attempt mediation to try and sort this out. Mediation might be useful, even if you are being transferred, to try and sort out how contact might work.
People move on with their lives after separation, the fact that your ex is in another relationship and has had another child, wouldn't be held against her, unless there were safeguarding issues with her new partner.
I'm sure your transition has had a huge impact on your ex, children are a lot more accepting and their love is unconditional. It's such a tough time for you too, so I would try and keep it out of court if you possibly can, the strain it puts on people is huge and you probably have enough to deal with at the moment.
Best of luck
Have you got that ultimatum in writing? As mojo says above, there's no guarantee of success in a PSO, but you are more likely to succeed if you can show that the move is to prevent contact, and it strikes me that if her only reason for moving is because you won't then that can only be to prevent contact, she obviously hasn't any other motive in moving.
Her ultimatum is a little more clever than go or stay, she says that our daughter needs a fresh start away from me, and that's the motive for moving away. However, that kind of contradicts itself if she stays and I leave as it wouldn't be a fresh start just me out the picture......
She isn't denying access just making it difficult she knows that if I leave my current unit the nearest one to here is 2 hours away similarly if she moves to Manchester there will be an 2-3 Hour drive to get to her new location even a unit close to Manchester that I can go too is 2 hours away.
I spoke to the school today and they agree me moving away or her moving away would cause more uncessercy disruption to a very difficult situation, I gave examples of me trying to bridge the gap between us and they have offered to bring some mediation in to try and help before I do go to court. I'm hoping this falls in my favour that I am making the effort for my daughter.
I agree, her ultimatum is pretty clear to me, I would argue that transitioning isn’t something that should be done in isolation from your child, she will also be transitioning with you in a way, and doing so will help her deal with the changes.
Its great that you spoke to the school and that they are being supportive, generally a report/statement from a child’s school would form part of a court welfare report.
I really do hope that you can find some strategies through mediation, that will work for you all.
All the best
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