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Hi
separated from ex wife 5 years ago, 3 children.
went to court in 2019 to try to get 50/50. Didn’t get it but got better arrangement than before.
mother is manipulating and is definitely influencing the children. She keeps breaking order but have taken her back to court but nothing done by court.
feel like my new wife and I are secondary.
feel it’s now time to stop seeing my children. Love them dearly but have run out of steam to keep fighting and hate that the children are being put in the middle by their mum.
mum keot them breaking order but going back to court is futile. Has enough. Think it’s time for me to walk away.
Hi,
Sorry to hear this. How many times have you been to court to enforce the order?
@bill337 3
@glasgow123 sounds very stressful. When was last time you saw kids? As a dad I would suggest you hang in there. Your kids need you. If it's taking a toll on your health then I think it would be wise to step back.
How old are kids? You shouldn't call it a day. If possible, taking a step back, temporary of course, to recharge and gather thoughts resources and plan ahead. They'll come a day when they're old enough to understand the effort and hoops you've jumped through and see who put the obstacles in the way and they'll realise it wasn't you that did that. Get your kids mobiles and set them up on whatsapp so you have a constant method of communicating, even if it is just the one or two messages a day it is constant contact they will see the effort put in.
Hello @glasgow123 ,
I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. I just want to echo the good advice others are offering, with respect to keeping in contact with your kids in whatever way seems best. Assuming you are still getting face to face time with them, try to keep the focus on continuing to build connections by doing things together - ideally taking the lead from what your kids enjoy, and ideally simple and easy things like kicking a ball around together, playing a card game, baking, watching a film with popcorn etc. Show an interest in whatever they are into at the moment, look for things to encourage or celebrate with them, and don't be afraid to tell them you love them. It sounds as though you have worked really hard at this over the past few years, and although it is tough yards at the moment, I do believe it will pay dividends in the future - for you and for your kids. If face to face contact is difficult, simple notes or text messages can go a long way too. Try to avoid making negative comments about Mum when you are with them, and just keep the focus on you and the kids.
Alongside this, do make time to invest in your relationship with your new wife, enjoy time together and look after yourself - even if it is just going out for a walk of an evening now that the nights are longer, or going out for breakfast or a coffee together at the weekend.
Wishing you well and really hoping things improve for you,
Fegan's Parent Support Volunteer
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