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I took my ex to court in 2006 because of her being awkward - And I started to see my child at a supported contact centre for 2 hours a week. It was an horrible experience because I felt I was being provoked in to reactions. Like my ex's new partner who was dropping my child off and he was being referred to as dad. Also on one occasion my ex, my child and her new partner came into the room where the fathers were and holding hands playing happy families with my child in the middle and the ex and new partner started kissing in front of me. I reported it to my solicitor and it was denied. I was at the contact centre for around six months. When the end was nearing for it to be moved away from the centre. My child started to reject me and stating he does not want to see that man anymore and at times he would kick me. I was then going to the contact centre with just a few weeks to go before a review at court my child was outside the centre in the arms of my ex with is grandfather present stating that he does not want to go in the centre. I then went to court and the solicitor of my ex requested a cafcass report with indirect contact. I was sending indirect items and the mother said the child as no interest. After 16 weeks the cafcass completed. It was lie after lie about me. Also my child was coached in saying I got aggressive towards him and swore at him at the contact centre. On refection I feel me being refereed to the contact centre was a trap to make false allegations. After lots of scrutiny and investigations Cafcass established my son is being negatively influenced by is mother and other family members. Cafcass then recommended that we all attend a supervised contact centre which it broke down because non compliance from the mother. So she broke a court order. Then after other recommendations the ex agreed in the court to comply then when it came to it she didn't comply. More courts orders broke. I should of had a contested hearing but on the day my ex said she would now promote contact at the supervised contact centre. on the arranged day she didn't comply another order broke. And diversion tactics from the contested hearing. Then a cafcass guardian was appointed with more resistance from the mother. My case came to an end in 2011 with cafcass stating all avenues have been tried and failed and it will have a detrimental affect on the child if proceedings continued. I was left with just indirect contact only and still the mother says the child as no interest. so i give up on that. I manged to get it back in court in 2013 but i was forced to withdrew my application because I didn't send any indirect contact. I then got it back in court 2014 with the judge saying i should write a statement as to why direct contact should be reinstated and my ex to write a statement why direct contact shouldn't take place. a few weeks after with statements complete. Because the positions have not changed the judge did not grant direct contact. Stating that even though it is recognised that the child is being negatively influenced she cannot force my ex to promote direct contact. I requested an appeal I wasn't optimistic it would go anywhere then my ex got in touch saying can i withdraw the appeal and she will promote contact but in baby steps she was sending me photos of my child. then a few months went by with no further contact from my ex. I then contacted her threatened her with court and i manged to get to see my son at McDonalds with her dad present and her waiting in the car. Unfortunately i had to end the contact at McDonalds after just 2 occasions because my son was their to say hurtful things to me he also went in to the toilet to fill up a water balloon and he throw it at me - He was referring to me by my first name. it looked to me he was put their to humiliate me in front of people.while the grandfather was watching on. I approached the grandfather to let him know my sons behaviour and he said maybe mum is the cause so he shook my hand and said he go and have a word with mum while he drops my boy off - He then telephoned me laughing saying he likes to play games. it was all a set up. I believe the grandfather is the narcissistic / the main instigator because i remember when i was with my ex she told me that her dad physically and verbal abused her when she was a child she also told me he beat her mum up - I cant believe the injustice i'm left with. the family courts have left the child with the abusers and i'm left powerless.I feel i never got properly heard. and how easy it was for my ex. I've recently been denied access to my sons school even though i have PR. My child leaves school in 2020.
hi,
this is just awful. how old is your child now? sounds like you have been through a lot. admire your perserverance, with so many court hearings.
Hi
Its been horrible - Its hammered my mental health. It nearly forced me to end it. I'm still not out of the woods.
My child is 16 years old now
try look him up on social media and try make contact that way.
Very sad to hear your story. Unfortunately the court and the system do some times fail the parties and ultimately and most importantly the child.
I suspect once the proceedings were 'allowed' to conclude where they did back in 2006/7 when the child was very young was what set the unfortunate direction of the path for the future. There should have been appropriate expert investigation into why the child had started to reject you, by a trained psychologist, who would/should have fairly easily picked up that the child's views were not his true own views. Then following this report there should have been appropriate directions and intervention by the court with a view to ultimately reversing residence, if that was possible of course. The 'threat' of that is at times enough to put things back on the right track.
The positive to your story is your chid's age. It is not surprising that a court would not make a CAO for a child with strong views after the age of 12-13 or so. At 16 your child will have the maturity and hopefully interest and will to learn the truth or at least question his childhood and what happened, and below everything else there should be an underlying desire, however thwarted by years of alienation, to get to know his father.
I think if you gently and patiently begin to contact him, perhaps via social media as suggested or other means, you may be at the start of a new chapter in this sad story. Just do it slowly, with much patience, so as not to scare or appear threatening etc. I say this mainly with the thought of not giving your hostile ex any reason to potentially involve the police on the assertion that you are harassing child and that type of nonsense. If/when your child discovers and believes the truth, well his whole perception will need to be readjusted. This can be that start of a positive new chapter my friend.
Do bear in mind that any current CAO expires once the child turns 16 or 18. If one exists in your case and it does expire at 18, you may have to wait a little while longer for it to expire before you begin to contact him, as doing so may be used against whilst a no direct contact order it is still in force.
There is some confusion as to which of the two ages it is. See this link to understand:
http://www.pinktape.co.uk/rants/how-long-does-a-child-arrangements-order-last/
Best of luck
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