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I hate myself for even thinking it but I cant take much more. I saw my son twice a week when first separating with my ex but after meeting my new partner my ex stopped me seeing him for 5 weeks, and then only let me have him for 2hours a week so that I 'couldn't take him too far'
We are currently going through mediation but it is very one sided, my ex says no to everything (him sleeping over at mine, me picking him up from school, me attending parents evening etc) and is never asked to explain WHY
I have constant - and I mean constant - letters from her solicitor that are of no benefit what-so-ever but just to tell me what a bad person I am and it is all lies but I don't have the energy to keep fighting them off and batting them back. she has even started saying that he goes home from mine frightened and withdrawn and he is only 4 so how on earth can I prove that he isn't??
the last time I saw my son he kept saying he wanted to go home and be with his mum - when I finally got annoyed and asked what was up he started crying saying his mum had told him to say it and that he was having a nice time so he didn't really want to go home but he had to say it - she even admitted it, but twisted it slightly. he was so confused, it was sickening. hes only 4 and she showed him mine and her wedding photos so he got upset that I have a new partner because he thought I was married to him mum - there have been numerous occasions like this.
not just that but I hate the way he is being brought up, me and her obviously have very different opinions on how to bring up a child - which I am finding very frustrating because I have no influence on it what-so-ever. when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday he shrugged his shoulders and said I get presents all the time so I don't need anything, if I buy him anything he says 'ive got a better one at home' I tried to start a reward jar for him at mine so if he does something to help round the house etc we can put pennies in his jar - to which he replied 'I don't need your pennies, I get bought stuff all the time anyway' and he isn't lying!
she has just taken him to france for 5 weeks and she hasn't replied to anything I have sent her and didn't answer when I tried to ring, I know whats coming - she will claim I haven't even tried to contact her and I will get ANOTHER solicitor letter to which I will have to prove that I did try and contact her by showing texts and call logs. but now I'm at the end of my tether - why should I HAVE to prove my ex wrong in the constant incorrect accusations she throws at me, when they don't benefit either party in any way?
sorry for the long rant, I am just torn. I have no bond with him at all, he is so confused and he is being pulled in 2 different directions, im on anti depressants, im in debt because of it all, my partner is suffering. any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Hi mate, I understand your pain.
it seems the mediation is a waste of time so you id be seeking an official contact order. you prob no this but you can do it through a solicitor or if that's to expensive self represent. One of the other regulars will keep you right with the form you need to fill out. I'm not in England where the situation is a little bit different from where I am but ive seen it being discussed elsewhere on here.
mediation is compulsory before going to court in England but I guess you have kinda bypassed that stage in that you can say you've already been to no avail. Don't give up, if you cant afford a solicitor, fill in the form, get it sent off, there are folk on here who can tell you what to expect as they have done it.
hope this is of some benefit.
awww mate I know exactly how you feel, my ex is playing exactly the same game and I have felt like giving up 3 or 4 times, I've not seen my 10 months year old daughter in 9 months and it's almost unbearable but you simply have to carry on fighting.
My mediation was very one sided then my ex never shown up so I got my FM1 form to apply straight to the courts and I've been battling on for nearly six months and finally the courts issued an contact order four weeks ago and every things swung round in my favour but the ex has completely ignored it so i'm thinking exactly the same as you I've had enough of it all, the emotional stress the worry that an alcoholic is bringing up my daughter, the expense its horrendous and I've had enough.
It sounds like you do have a bond with him as he has said he enjoys seeing you but been put up to saying things my your ex, one thing I will say is don't let is consume you I did and I went down a very dark path I've obviously been suffering depression through it and i refused tablets ect from the docs and decided to do exersise which improved things loads I've started dj'ing again started sociallising more going on dates ect so try and think of yourself a little take care of yourself more and get in a better frame of mind you can't do anything else than fight for your boy it's not an option giving up because imagine how the poor lads going to feel when he;s older knowing his dad gave up on him.
It sounds like you may have to go down the court route in the end so self representing is a viable option and it cost a fraction of getting a solicitor and just ignore all them letters from her solictor as they are just creaming the system for more money.
Like I said mate don't give up the fight this whole journey is a rollercoaster its so up and down but the courts are all for chidren having contact with with their fateher so there is hope.
Slim π
Thank you, its nice to know I'm not the only person who has felt like this. I have started to resent myself for even thinking about it.
I need to get a solicitor on board and get abit of support. thanks again, I feel like im going insane!
Have a think about representing yourself Solicitors cost the earth and I'm leaps and bounds ahead in my case than anyone I know who's represented π
Have a think about representing yourself Solicitors cost the earth and I'm leaps and bounds ahead in my case than anyone I know who's represented π
Same here!!! I had MF but i did all the work in court.
Listen to Slim, !!!! And don't give up matey, don't resent yourself either. I know I've had similar thoughts of walking away. I'm sure most dads going through this have thought this.
It's the stress causing the thoughts push past and carry on. It's easier said then done, I know. But it's worth it when you win for your child. It's really worth it.
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