[Solved] The ex is out to win

Hi Ravo

are you okay?

Yes Ravo, please let us know you're ok...

Don't let her push your buttons, if she is trying to upset you with texts, then don't respond and don't give her what she wants.

If you need to talk we're here to listen.

I ended up messaging her about comiting suicide after all the nagging and taunts, now she's using it against me to keep my child away

Ravo, if you ever need to vent/lean on/talk to someone please feel free. Drop me a private message and we can chat, no judgement from me.

I have been there, came within 30 seconds of being beyond saving. Had it not been for a chance unannounced stop at mine by my step father. I would have still been hanging too long and it would have been too late to do anything. I know first hand that it can get too much.

I've come along way and am not embarrassed or afraid to admit what I did anymore.

I can categorically state that without going to the GP's for a report on your mental health and that's if you've been to them she cannot use in court it too much extent.

Thank you guys

I'm sorry but this does hurt a lot, being sent to jail on lies and left on no charge, being beaten, kicked, given badwords all with the child in her arms... and yet she gets a non mol in her favour till the next hearing. How do courts favour such vicious people, trying her best to keep my child away and get the court to back them up.

It just hurts

... I understand completely how you must be feeling, but it won’t do any good to dwell too heavily on the injustice of it all, it will only make you feel worse.

It’s never a good idea to respond to texts, as upsetting as it is. Try and avoid getting into any contact with her right now, if she is saying bad things to you, it might be better to block her, or make a decision not to read what she is saying.

Take a couple of days out, try and recharge your batteries and get your head straight, it’s important that you have a clear mind moving forward, the court will want to see you at your best, which means someone that is completely child focussed, calm and reasonable... it’s a tough ask, but it really will benefit you if you can draw on your strength.... that means getting plenty of sleep and regular meals.

You are going to need patience too, and to get to where you want to be will take time.we will do as much as we can to advise and support you.

All the best

Thank you...

It's just so difficult to be away from my child for no fault of mine.

Going through a break up and having your child used as a weapon has to be jsut about the hardest thing to go through

I've been dealing with an unreasonable and nasty ex for over 8yrs now, contact is stopped as and when she likes and she forces me to either walk away or take her back to court every time.
for the fist 5yrs it was every few months that she would stop contact and i'd be forced to take legal action, spend money i didn't have and then have to read lie upon lie in her statements to court.
reading all those lies every time really was so hard to deal with and when she came out with her worst saying i'd hit her and hit our child it very nearly pushed me over my limit.
I remember the day i got that statement....(2011) i sat at home that evening and got angry and tearful....i couldn't control my tears....it was like i was told my child was dead....because all i saw was how can i fight this...it's her word against mine and i have no proof that it didn't happen only that both her and i know that she was lying and that i couldn't prove it.

The only reason i didn't just give up that day was because of my child....all i could imagine is my child growing up never remembering me and never being reminded that i existed or that they had a family they forgot about.
i felt like i could've done something stupid if i got one more push....i felt i had cracked up so i went and spoke with my doctor and got help to manage it...don't say you're nearing taking your life but tell them how hard it is to get up in a morning or sleep or be interested in anything...get help and do it now before it consumes you.

i couldn't do anythign stupid like that to my child and please please please do not even contemplate that your child needs you in their life....whether its a few months or several years before you see them again....your child needs to know you did all you could with the tools at your disposal to stay in their life.

if you reach your limit and have to walk away then do so knowing you tried your best.....that's where i am near now.....

don't contact your ex again unless it's through court or solicitors otherwise you'll make it even more difficult for yourself

It hurts, but it won't be forever. Many of us here can absolutely empathise with what you're going through... it won't always seem so bleak, I promise you.

Going to see your GP is good advice, as I said before, it's really important to look after yourself, you have a long, slow road ahead of you and you need to build your strength.

Don't forget to take time out and do something you enjoy, it won't help to be so wrapped up in your case, to the exclusion of everything else.

Stay strong and keep talking.

Thank you

Another one... keeps coming one after another

My ex informed me through a third party as to how much she is paying for child care stating this is what I owe her. I am paying for the entire mortage on a house that we own together and have not received half as promised by her in court. I am also buying our child food every Friday, paying for half of the bills, council tax etc while I stay away from the house paying for a rented room and she stays in our house with our child.

How do I go about this? How do I know if she is using child care benefits?

Tell her if she's not happy with what you are paying out then to see what the CMS suggests you pay....she'll likely get a shock!

15% of your take home salary for first child... check out the CMS options site to see what you're legally obliged to pay out