[Solved] Surnames

Hi MotherofaFather

Thanks for your reply to me, im not looking to change his surname, I did chose to put father on the birth certificate so I'll have to live with that choice and let my son decide for himself whether he wants to change it down the line.

My son has very limited contact with his father this isnt my choice just happened like this and my son is showing resentment he loves him but he's angry too and he would like to change his surname to my surname which is sad I know I just hope things change in the future and he has a closer bond with his father in the future

Has for religion with my ex partner being named on the birth certificate he has a say on religion, I used to go to church ( I don't now) my ex is very against the church, I'm not against the church but if my son was to say join the church youth club at 15 years old like I did I wouldn't object obviously father might and put in a court order to try and stop him going if he really thought it's bad for him, i don't feel the need to pressure my son to go to church I would rather it be his choice so I agree with you about forcing children to have a certain religion I think lots of children resent the parents for forcing them to go to church and rebel on them when they become teenagers.

My son father doesn't really seem that interested in things to do with my son's health and education is that normal? I thought most dad's take a interest or am I wrong? All he seems interested in doing is seeing him occasionally that's it, Earlier this year my son broke his arm his dad didn't even ask if he was alright when he was told that he had done it which I thought was wrong to be honest.

Hello needhelp83,

You sound to be a sensible, loving and caring Mother to your Son and it is to your credit you want your Sons' Father to be more caring and committed to him.

Sadly many people whether it be a mother or father do not care to the extent others do and unfortunately we cannot change them. I believe we have to accept the situation and work round the difficulties we are presented with to make things as good for our children as we possibly can. At the same time being fair and reasonable in our decision making which will not make a bad situation worse.

Your Son must feel a number of conflicting emotions about his Father but I'm sure you can help him through his difficult time. However, it must be hard for you and to also see your Son suffer emotionally as he does. I do feel in time with your guidance he will work through it and it is when that stage has been reached and his legal age attained he will then be in a better position to consider changing his surname.

As for religion, my comments were most certainly not meant to be personal to you.
I think my brain probably, insensibly, made a connection between an individual taking responsibility when they became legally of age to change their surname and taking responsibility for choosing their religious faith when they came to an appropriate age instead of it being chosen by parents.

It sounds as though your son wants to change his name because he's angry with his father, and I'm not sure that's a good reason to change it at this stage. I think, if I was in your position, I'd say that it should be his decision when he can do it himself, plus the fact that changing his name while as school might be a little confusing, so a good time to change it would be when he leaves so there is more of a natural break, and he'll then be meeting new people with a new name.

I think every situation is different and everyone will have a different opinion.

Double-barrelled can be a good compromise, but given the current circumstances you've described, it's probably better to leave as is for a while at least.

Thank you so much everyone that's has replied, I've found it very useful and I am going to leave it and let him decide for himself when he is older 🙂