[Solved] Surnames

Hello.

I think the reply will be different depending on the individuals concerned and perhaps if there was any blame to the separation.

As a father, if I had been kicked out of the marital house due to my wife's actions of which I had no control, I would be adamant names were staying as they are. In the reverse and I was to blame(affair) then I would feel my ex and my children would have the right to make that decision without me vetoing it.

I also believe that a name change does not make them less my children, nothing has changed other than a name. But it does probably show that the relationship between children and parent is not good if they are looking to change. But then often it can be as a result of pressure from the resident parent.

My ex, despite being divorced over 3 years now, still has kept my name and she continues to hate me. So I cannot explain that, anyone got thoughts on that one?

Hi HRabbit

Thanks for your reply

I think your right it is up to the people involved it very much what works for one set of parents may not work for another.I can understand why dad's want the children to keep their surname especially if are dealing with a toxic ex partner and children will always be your children whether they have your surname or not I think your response was very good.

I suppose I'm just wondering whether dad's feel that a double barrel surname would feel like less of a insult if their surname is kept in the child's name?

To answer your question HRabbit I can think of 3 things

1) Ive had it in a doctor's surgery were the receptionist has assumed that my surname is the same has my son's I felt a bit embarrassed when I had to tell them we have got different surnames so she could just see it has easier in that sense than having to explain they are different.

2) she can take the children aboard on holiday she doesn't need to worry about getting your permission if you have different surnames you need to get father's permission

3) maybe she doesn't hate you after all lol

Thanks.....but she does hate me 🙂

To answer yours, yes I think a double barrelled surname is a good compromise for the adults. Not sure how the children view it.

In my case with an 8 letter, 3 syllable surname on both sides, it would be a bit of a mouthful!

Hello needhelp83,

I personally do not think you should allow your Son to change his surname until he can legally do so himself. He can then take sole responsibility for doing so.
His Father is his Father, named on the Birth Certificate, a legal requirement to register the birth within a given period and accepted as such by both parents at the time.

I shall bring a further aspect of a childs' life into the post, religion. Contrary to registering a birth there is no legal requirement soon after birth to register the religion of a child but invariably a decision is made by the parents, unfairly in my opinion.
Why should children be expected to follow the religion we choose for them? How many parents leave the decision to the child as to what religion they wish to follow or not when they become more aware, educated and of a suitable age to take responsibility?