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Really desperate for some help. I have a court order that's been in place for two years let's just say the first time I went to court I was nieve and thought the courts would see through the slander and was possibly too easy to accept the arrangement given. We have an order that states I have my son every other weekend Friday - Sunday. Also for holidays to be decided between our selves (we were on speaking terms back then) since then in two years I've had 3 days holiday she's offers me holidays I book time off work then leading up to the week before she sends me a text saying (I want to just stick to the court order). Its killing me I need to get my court order amended. How?
I have a full time job and stable I pay maintenance and have never missed a visit I want to go for 50\50 custody is this too ambitious??? I can see why the courts would deny me the rights?
Hi there, unfortunately, this is all too common when an order leaves anything to be agreed between the parents.
I would start with a formal (ish) letter to the mother laying out your request in writing and your reasons behind this.
The next step would be mediation as this is mandatory before making an application to the court. If your ex refuses to attend or you cannot agree, the mediator will stamp the C100 form for a Child Arrangement Order. You would be applying to vary the order. Court is a last resort and should be avoided where possible but if mediation doesn't work, it's the only other option.
Have a look at National Family Mediation for details of mediators in your area.
Shared care is becoming more common these days, a bog standard arrangement is usually alternate weekends, weds overnight & a split of special occasions and school holidays. Nobody can guarantee that you will get 50/50 as this each judge can vary, it's usually best to ask for a little more than you would be happy to settle for so that you can be seen to compromise if necessary.
The process would begin with a Cafcass telephone interview and safeguarding checks then they will put their recommendations to court in a letter. For the first hearing, it's advisable to prepare a short position statement giving some background, why you've had to apply and what you would like the court to decide. If you have any text messages or emails from your ex denying contact it's good to start getting those together as they will provide evidence for your case.
If you're going to self rep, it's not as daunting as it seems and there are many places to get support. The Legal Eagle forum on here is an excellent support and source of info. The Custody Minefield Website has some great stuff as does the Families Need Fathers site.
Coram Childrens Legal Centre has an outstanding telephone helpline as does Families Need Fathers. FNF also run group / branch meetings around the country where you can go for support and to meet other parents in your position, these are listed on their website.
Finally, if you have to get as far as court, given the history of the matter it would be advisable to ask the court to lay out the holiday and special occasion contact in more detail to give your ex less chance to deviate from it.
Good luck 🙂
1626 has given you some good advice, just a couple of things to mention.
If you write her a letter make sure you keep a copy for your records, this will help if you need to apply to court. It would be a good idea to start a diary and keep a record of all communication/correspondence between you both.
Here's a link to the Mediation service
www.nfm.org.uk
Here's a link to the Families Need Fathers webpage where you will find details of meetings in your area
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
Good luck
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