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Hi guys,
Been a while since I've had to post here as things since last hearing have been going fairly smoothly.
My partner now has a CAO (every other weekend, 12pm.sat-5pm sun, and 7 days extra a year in holidays)
Not the best set up, but it's a start.
Anyway, 29th June was his weekend and the next was this Saturday just gone 13th July.
In between his ex and he agreed he had a 2 night break away with them 5th July, part of his 7 day extra for holidays.
What she obviously hadn't realised was, he would be doing 3 weekends on the bounce.
When they returned from their holiday, she sent vile messages about the break away, things the 7 & 5 Yr old had told mummy whilst under interigation.
All of which obviously weren't exactly true, just the events told by young children.
When he defended himself with the full story of events (pathetic stuff, like lunch contents l, meal times, and showering at swimming pool open showers with costumes on!) she blocked my partner via all communication.
This was a week ago. It's been hit and miss whether he has got through to their 7 Yr old phone to have their daily chat.
Bar this there is no other way to communicate.
One of the vile messages just said he was not having them again this weekend (on his weekend) because she was not allowing 3 weekends on the bounce.
If that's the case when will he do his holidays? It's all very childish and unreasonable.
Why not say can we swap weekends, I've missed them?!
In grand scheme, he sees children for 2 days and 1 night a fortnight, she has every day with them.
Anyway the advice I'm looking for is.... What would you suggest he does next?
*Sits and waits for his next weekend to come round, 27th July. 3 weeks with no contact, see if she offers contact?
*Go straight in with an enforcement order?
*Go straight to mediation.
*Maybe get a solicitor to write a letter of a gentle reminder that she is infact breaching the court order.
The court order says that they must stay unblocked from one another to enable communication, also the obvious stick to the contact in order.
Also states any disputes should be made via mediation and not in another court hearing. (i see this a total breach not a dispute?) will enforcement order be frowned upon if mediation not attempted first?
Its like talk to a brick wall this last week. It's pathetic. He's always so polite, calm and factual, abit too nice I'd say. Never abusive, so don't understanding all this pathetic blocking and not communicating.
The main thing is he really wants to prevent weeks/months of no contact again, went 16 months before this and since November they have rebuilt a well established relationship.
They absolutely love their time with daddy.
It's all so very sad to see all going through this.
Hi there
I’m sorry to hear that issues have surfaced, especially when it was going well, however as it’s the first such breach I don’t think an enforcement application is appropriate, from what you’ve said, it’s clear that the court wants the parents to sort out any future disputes between themselves.
Maybe the first step could be a letter, to point out that she’s in breach of the order, regardless that she had agreed to the extra weekend. Make the offer you mentioned, that in future you would consider swapping weekends to avoid it happening again, but she does need to communicate with you so that you can work something out. Request that the schedule of contact be restarted immediately, with an agreement to communicate better in future. If that doesn’t work, then I would say a solicitors letter before action is the next step, that or mediation.
There may be some members that disagree with a softly softly approach, but in my opinion, court should always be a last resort.
All the best
Thank you for your reply mojo, as always.
You mean he writes and sends a letter before considering one from a solicitor?
I don’t see why not... unless there’s an order stating that he can’t contact her directly. However, if you feel that doing that might open him up to harassment allegations, go straight to step 2. It would be such a pity to miss out on sorting this informally though, if possible.
It’s up to you NK... sometimes, a small gesture can work wonders. By offering to swap weekends, you’re starting the discussion on a conciliatory note, that would hopefully set the tone.
Thank you for advice Mojo.
I agree and think it is a sensible approach. We really do want court as a last resort, not sure either of us can face that again.
I do worry she will pull the harassment card after she's blocked all forms of contact, which is a breach in itself.
But I hope in the bigger picture it will be seen that he did the right thing, in trying before taking drastic measures.
He can't just sit back and accept it and not see his children. Something needs to be done.
I also think she'll ignore it, but got to be worth a try first.
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