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Hi All
I'm sure this may have come up before, and I have had a quick look.
My Son who is now 11 has asked me on more than one occasion and just recently "how old do I have to be to decide where I live".
He's obviously unhappy because I'm sure if he wasn't he wouldn't be asking the question.
I don't treat him any different than when I was with my ex I'm just the same person. We have an unbelievable bond together like most dads do.
My ex uses the csa threat if I step out of line and feel like I'm always stepping on eggs shells, so how do I resolve this without upsetting the apple cart...how much say does my son have
Thank you for any response Paul
Hi Paul
Whilst your sons wishes will be taken into account, if there are no safeguarding issues the courts may be loathe to transfer residency.
If your relationship with your ex is strained now, that will escalate if you decide to go down the court route.
You could consider mediation to try and resolve your differences. It will give you the opportunity discuss your concerns in a controlled but fairly informal atmosphere. Here's a link to the mediation service
www.nfm.org.uk
Hi and thanks for your reply, I totally agree with you that it escalate and she will almost definitely reduce the access I have.
It's just hard hearing this from your son and it must be playing on his mind.
Thanks Paul
...tell him he can make his own mind up when he is 16, it may see a long way away to him but believe me it will fly by!
If things get worse then you could apply to the court for a shared care order with 50/50 time spent with you both. Your sons wishes would be taken into account and this would have more of a chance of success than a full residence application. You would still need to attend mediation before applying to the court but it is an option.
That's great thank you, I will speak to him although only 11 hopefully he will understand I'm doing all I can
I think it's not only the choice thing, but he's obviously having problems with his mother (and stepfather I'm guessing). Before you'll start thinking about where should he live, you need to discuss those problems with his mom and try to figure out what's going on.
NJ has given you good advice. It really does sound like mediation would be the first steps here to try and make things better for your son. As far as the CSA threats go, make sure you're paying within the guidelines and have proof of this. Money and contact are two separate issues and you should not be held to ransom with these threats. Court is a last option and can often make things worse so do try to avoid it but have a think about mediation, it might be worth a shot π
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