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Hi All and a Happy New Year
18 months ago my son told me he wanted to come an live with me.... he at the time was 10 and I saw him every other sunday only and his older sister was 13 and a little stroppy thus hardly ever came out... didnt and still dont have an amicable relationship with their mother, thus trying to talk with her is next to impossible as Im always the bad guy.. spoke with my solicitor and agree a way forwards.... xxxx amount of Β£000's of pounds later I have a pretty decent court order that my son seemed happy with that he stayed 2 nights everyother weekend (and this from nothing as he was never allowed to stay in the 8 years since I split with thier mum) and also written order for holidays and christmas.... the last 6 months have been excellent since the order is in place, that was until sunday after christmas, where my son was just sitting on the stairs excluding himself from family activities but on his ipad and seemingly happy doing so, my new wife being the joker and great step mum that she is, literally picked him up and brough him inot the lounge where we were with other family members... at this he runs off crying managed to calm him down and then he drops the bomb shell oon me that his step dad drags him to his room to force him away from a situation if my son doesnt like or want to do something (dont get me wrong i'm into disciplining a child but when he says that the grab of the arm and the draging hurts that to me is "bullying"??? yes or no?? so then my son says that hes not happy at home and want s to come and live with me (again)... by the end of the day weve had numerous conversations about why and what that means and he a grees to go home and think about what he wants to do... this weekend after having him for New Year, yesterday again he doesnt want to go home, but cant quite make the 100% decison not to go. I dont and cant make that decision for him, im guessing at 12 now his views should be listened to... But I have said that when and I know it will be a when he makes that decision what should I do?
The court order clearly states that mum has residency, do I just keep him and explain to her what he wants? phone the police on that day to explain as I dont want to get into trouble with the law, he doesnt want me to speak with his mum unitl hes made that decision as he says it will cause arguing at home??
I know this is only myside of the events, but not sure where I stand at 5pm on a sunday evening when he doesnt want to go home and not knowing what I should do, my solicitor has said we can go back to court but that can take weeks
anyone got anything similiar to share about their experiences or what you would do if you were me
many thanks in advance Tony
thinking about phoning social services today for advice, he has had an interview with cafcass but has said over the past couple of weeks that mum made him lie and not tell the truth about what he wants and feels
Hi there
I do appreciate what a difficult position you found yourself in, but what your son was subjected to is abuse IMO and really, at the point he told you, it might have been a goood idea to call the police and report the step dad. I don't know if I agree that the onus is on your son to make such a big decision, it's for the adults to do this when a child is in need of protection, as unpalatable as that may be. Of course his loyalties will be torn and that is why I think he shouldn't have to carry that burden.
As there is a court order that states the children reside with her, you can't just keep him without taking pre emptive action. If she called the police to have him returned, they may act on it due to the existence of the order...they also might not as its a civil matter. It might be a good idea to give them a call and ask them what their position would be in the event that your son remained with you after a contact visit.
You can also call the Social service and discuss your concerns for your sons welfare, ask them to log your call and what has been discussed, they are unlikely to take any action but they may advise you to keep him and return to court.
If at the next visit your son doesn't want to return home and he is becoming more distressed you might like to think about keeping him and applying to the court for an urgent Prohibited Steps Order and variation of the existing order to transfer residence. With an urgent application the necessity to attend mediation first is bypassed and because it's urgent the first hearing should take place in days. The court would hopefully make an interim order for him to remain with you whilst the situation is investigate and reports done....another reason to report what is happening to him to the police as it will back up your case.
I haven't suggested mediation because your son doesn't want you to discuss it with his mother in case of repercussions. You could look into child inclusive mediation, this is where your son would be present and a party to discussions and decisions.
The other option is to try Relate to try and sort this out within the family, Relate deal with family breakdown as well as relationship problems. Here's a link
www.relate.org.uk
I'm not legally trained and what I have written here is just my opinion from experience. Here's a link to Corams Legal Adviceline, it might be helpful to speak to them about your position, get some legal clarification and see what they advise. π
http://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/
Best of luck
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