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Hi all my fellow fathers,
I've been urged to register on this site by a friend, I have the cliché scenario where I've been kept away from being a part of my daughter's life due to the past her mother & I had. My daughter is now 12, and I've been seeing her again since the lost of my own father figure (this July). I've seen her about 4 or 5 times since then and each time she asks me when will she be able to stay over at my place...of course, any time I mention this to her mother, she erupts with excuses and lies as to why she can't...she tells the same to our daughter.
My ex-wife's lot in life seems to be a single mother, as soon as she gave birth, she lost sight of everything else. She has a habit of being a compulsive / pathological liar, blows hot and cold as to when I should be involved or can see my daughter (usually every 4 years as the pattern turns out; age 4, 8 and 12). Or she calls when she wants money, which I don't have due the 7 year homeless period I had after the breakdown of our marriage back in 2003.
Although she's beginning to realise our daughter is speaking up more about her needs to be with me, she maintains the obsessive personality and won't let anyone who isn't from her side of the family, be involved. She travels all the way to Durban, South Africa to be with her side of the family, but won't bother making an effort with my sister who live 10 - 15 mins walk away, despite having her contact numbers which I gave her back in July.
I've been given a few resources which I intend on looking into, legal has been pulled out by the government, unless you're using a mediator or there's DV involved (there was when we were living together, on my behalf). I can't afford legal fees, a mediator won't be able to help Alison stick to a set of rules, so there's not much option left...I believe there is some free legal advice and representation via www.lawworks.org.uk | www.barprobono.org.uk - once I've checked these out, I will report back.
Good luck in all your cases and situations!
Win'
Hi and welcome to the forum 🙂
Sorry to hear about your father.
Mediation is now compulsory I'm afraid. So it's not a matter of whether she will abide by the agreement or not. You will need the mediator to sigh the paperwork to enable your application to court if mediation fails. DV victims have to be able to show that the abuse occurred within the last two years before legal aid will be granted...from what you've said, you have been split for a lot longer so any abuse from more than two years ago can't be used.
If you do reach agreement through mediation you could apply to court to have this made into a consent order which will be legally binding.
Hi there,
thank you for your reply and condolences.
When you say mediation is compulsory, compulsory when doing what? The problem is I don't have the funds to apply to court, so not sure mediation is worth the hassle. Plus my ex-wife won't come to my area to meet for mediation, let alone agree to anything.
I've explored the sites I mentioned and they have law advice clinics which I intend on visiting...I still have loads to learn so please do educate me! 🙂
I'm sorry, I just assumed that as you were talking about looking into free legal assistance you were wanting to apply for a contact order so that your contact with your daughter could be secured.
Since April of this year mediation for private family law cases was made compulsory before making an application to court.
There are many dads here that are self representing, and for people on a low income or benefits there is an exemption from court fees which might help.
Mediation is also funded if the service user is on benefits or a low income.
It's usually up to the non resident parent to travel to attend mediation in the resident parents locality. If the distance between you both is prohibitive you may be able to use this as a reason to forego mediation.
don't worry, I guess it's a case of not knowing what I'm looking for, since I don't know what's available. But you're helping get a better understanding. I'll let things play out naturally for the time being and get more advice from the law clinics I aim to attend...then once I have enough info and am in a better position to actually do something practical about my situation, I can attempt so.
Thank you. 🙂
I'd look at mediation sooner rather than later, purely because there is no real need to wait - if you go down the legal route (and since you ex can't agree, it's looking like that is a possibility), then as mojo says, you'll need to go to mediation first anyway.
Hi there, it's been a long while...so long that this website is all new-looking! 🙂 I just thought I'd see if there's anything you could advise in regards to getting the M.I.A.M. £96 (refundable) fee paid for someone on low income. I've been in touch with Surrey Family & Mediation Services, and I've asked them, for the second time, to contact my ex-wife about mediation (the last time my ex-wife said she needed a week to think about it - stalling tactics). This was months ago, once I found out that an initial solo meeting would cost £96, I asked my local CAB, who contacted a charity for the fees, but declined me 🙁
I recently got an email form my ex-wife demanding £200 for a Spanish trip for my daughter via her school, despite paying £20 p/w CSA (including arrears), I still don't get to be involved in my daughter's life. I could reply with a creative and insulting email, but I didn't...she's not interested in my situation, yet only contacts me when she wants money!
Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Win'
Hi
Has changed a bit on here recently.
If you're on low income, you may well qualify for legal aid for mediation - this might help http://www.nfm.org.uk/index.php/family-mediation/legal-aid
Worth contacting them.
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