[Solved] Single mum looking for advice

Hi dad's just a update

Son went to see his father today he really enjoyed it and was happy when he came back so all good it that sense but his dad past message tho son about something he's not happy with me about .. is that right? I understand father doesn't want to talk to me I can't make him but should he be pasting message tho child shouldn't he be using third party or writing me a letter or something? what do you dad's think? Opinions welcome. Thanks in advance

You're right - he shouldn't be passing messages through your son - it's just wrong, especially if - as you say - the message is just a chance to be critical of you. It's cowardly, and could be quietly upsetting to your son if this practice continues. He doesn't have to talk directly with you, but he can send you a note or text that won't use a child as a messenger. My communication with my son's mother is almost entirely through texts (which wasn't entirely my choice, but which I have come to prefer for my own well being) or through 3rd parties,

Children that young are not always the most reliable transmitters of messages anyway - I sometimes take some of the things my son says his mum has said with a pinch of salt. Children are also capable of playing parents off against each other - it's a natural part of their development, I believe. A situation such as this when the child is the messenger will sooner or later become fertile ground for him to practice this.

If you're able to, perhaps you could text your ex or pass a message through an adult 3rd party familiar to you both, asking how he thinks you could both pass relevant messages to each other relating to your son's care without your son being the conduit.

On the positive side, your son had a good time with his dad and came back to you happy, so that's something to hold on to.

That's true my son can't remember what the message back was just what it's about so I sat here racking my brain to what my ex said to him.

My ex did said he would say he's concerns via email a while back but has failed to do so he does normally go tho third party but chose not to this time. I don't email him because I'm worried it be seen has harrsment if you get what I mean

I do definitely hold on to it I'm pleased for my son when he's happy

Thank you again for your great advice Toks.

You're welcome.
I sometimes look through the mumsnet forum myself - I think it sometimes helps to get views from the 'other side', so to speak 🙂

I agree NH83, your son should not be treated as a messenger, and if it were to continue, then he'd start to dread the contact for fear of what message he was going to be expected to pass. You need to agree on some way to pass messages without involving him, short of a sealed meessage in an envelope.