[Solved] Single mum looking for advice

I disagree with the statements made by FathersRight. Going down the Court route to get an order would allow your son to have clarity on when to expect to see his father. I think a Child Arrangements order would define the times your son spends with both you and his natural dad. If he chooses not to show up on the days alloted, while this will still be disappointing for your son (and probably quite infuriating for you), it should limit the amount of days your ex can mess everyone else around, or demand on his terms.

I guess as a father who spent a considerable amount of time, emotional and financial effort to get a legally enshrined fixed routine with my son, a no-contact order sounds quite a closed door.

Thank you Toks

Me and my Ex went through the court system ( I took him to court) it was [censored], he made some untrue allergations about me that's why I understand how it feels when people make untrue allergations, he hates me and refuses to speak to me. I've tried to speak to him but he's not interested. he won't even speak to me about our son which is sad.

I really don't want to go through court again. i think my ex wants me to stop contact so he can get me into trouble.

I just wish he would stick to original court order but he doesn't. he really doesn't seem that interested about his son.

Hello again, it all sounds quite frustrating.

You mention there is an actual court order in place? Didn't that define the times your son spends with each of you? As long as your son is available to see his dad on the defined days (even if he doesn't show - without giving any notice of this, which is irresponsible behaviour towards his son, and not particularly respectful behaviour towards you), then you would be following the order. He should be in no position to demand alternative days, rather, he would need to negotiate this with you and seek agreement.

Years ago, my son's mother determined the amount of time and when I could see him (a single fixed day a week - which I was deeply unhappy with). Sometimes she would alter this with very little notice, and force an alternative day which she said I had to give an answer to within 24 hours, or forfeit seeing my son for that week. This was one of the many reasons why I went to court in the end. The times our son spends with each of us is now defined, and if she wants to change any dates she now has to ask and negotiate rather demand and dictate.

There should always be room for some flexibility, but if one party is being irresponsible, then I think it makes sense just sticking with dates defined in the order.

Unfortunately no he's got a set number of days but we need to work the dates and times out ourselves I am flexible last weekend he said he was ill and asked if he can see him tomorrow so he's supposed to be seeing him tomorrow. he doesn't speak to me contact is sorted through a third party he won't speak to me directly he makes lots of excuses why he can come and he does this regularly it's really distressing for my son he just wants to see his dad regularly

Thanks for replying to me I really do appreciate it.

It's sad you had to go to court sounds like she was being difficult I'm glad you got contact with your son sorted