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Hi, im new to this forum and a bit of a technophobe, so i'm not sure if i'm doing this right, but i'm desperate
Will try to keep it short n sweet
Married for 20 years, 3 kids who are now 16, 19 and 21 (the 2 youngest live with me, the eldest has his own home) ex met someone else, admitted to adultery, moved out and in with him on my youngest sons 12th birthday, she applied for divorce, after living apart for 2 years, i received divorce petition but never signed anything, i only knew we were divorced when the decree absolute came through, the divorce was the last thing on my mind, i was still trying to pick up the pieces of our broken family and working full time
My ex remarried and had 2 wages coming in and no dependents
July last year, 4 and a half years later i receive a solicitors letter saying she wants half of the house ! and is taking me to court
Although i work full time, I don't earn that much at all, certainly not enough to pay solicitors fees, but i needed advice, i racked up a £1000 bill, that was the initial consult, 2 letters and applying to court (application was in normal court Sol advised to get it into the family court where i would be looked on more favorably- something that hasn't happened yet!)
I realised i couldn't afford to go further with a Sol, so had to represent myself
I have been to court twice now, ordered by the judge to get 2 free valuations for the property which i did, my ex said it was worth more, her sol got the judge to agree to a paid valuation, which i had to pay half towards, £205, the valuation came out at exactly the same as the free valuations
I was also ordered to get my mortgage capacity, which i have done, basically i can only get £30k due to my income and age etc the last judge said my ex should get around £41k, i simply cannot raise anymore money, her Sol has said he will apply for compulsory sale order so i have to sell my property to pay her off the full amount, this seems so unfair as over the last 5 years now i have kept a roof over our heads, worked full time, been both mum and dad to my 3 sons, shes never paid a penny maintenance or anything to the mortgage or upkeep of the house in that time, at a rough guess that would add up to about £25k
I have offered £30k as a cash lump sum, as a full and final payment, she still wants more
The last hearing in June, the Judge basically swept me aside and had no interest in hearing my side of things at all, she even asked my why i wasn't claiming legal aid, because a i cant judge!, she also said my youngest could fend for himself in a years time !
I don't know where to turn, i have no money for a Sol, i don't qualify for legal aid, i have rang every possible advice centre in my area with no joy, most of the time they just say its family, your only option is a private Sol, don't they think if i had the funds i would be doing that
After all my bills/mortgage etc are paid, i'm probably left with about £25, and this will have to go towards paying off the £30k or more
Since all this has happened i have discovered that my ex didn't put our 3 children or that we had a property together on the divorce petition, I know she wanted to remarry as soon as possible so i'm guessing she did this on purpose in order to get the divorce through, again the judge didn't want to know about that either
It is back in court for a final hearing in October, i am terrified i will lose my house, my kids home and be left with nothing
It just beggars belief that she can walk back in to our lives and possibly take our home.
I feel that if the tables were turned and i had been the one to walk out, left her with the mortgage repayments/bills, bringing up our 3 kids, paid nothing for the kids or the house then decided that i wanted half, it would have been laughed out of court, in fact it wouldn't have even got to court, i wouldn't have a leg to stand on, so why does she
Can anyone help please, i'm desperate
Hi there
Why haven't you been claiming maintenance from her? I don't know a great deal about divorce and the financial side of things, but past members here have had to pay the parent with care for the children (the mother usually)more of the equity, often up to 70%.
Hopefully someone with more experience will be along shortly, to share their experience with you.
You might like to have a look on the Wikivorce website for further information.
www.wikivorce.com
We also work in partnership with Dialogue First, who are offering a free telephone consultation with a fully qualified lawyer, it might be helpful to you, here's a link
All the best
I certainly would not agree to half of the equity when you are the parent with care - to be honest, if you fight it and lose, I really cannot see a court would give her more than half, so you have absolutely nothing to lose in any case. I presume there has been no financial settlement in the divorce, which I'm a little surprised that the court didn't insist on since there are children in the divorce. Certainly, open a case immediately with CMS and start getting maintenance, certainly for the youngest.
Contact cms straight away and ask for legal aid. First of all in a divorce with her admitting adultery the split should be 60 - 70 % to u. She can't sell or force a sail of the house untill all the chidren have left home. Obviously go get advise from the citizens advise bureau. It a free service. Fight her all the way. She also owes u back pay and it would be nice to see a male win here.
Wishing u all the best. Your family must be so proud of you. ☺
Thank you for your replies
Again, thank you for your replies, I'm only just getting a chance to respond properly
Re Maintenance, I didn't claim because I didn't want anything from her, stupid i know, but i have my pride!
I had a quick look in to maintenance, cant be backdated and highly unlikely i can claim now as youngest is nearly 17
I had a look at the wikidivorce site and spoke to someone, unfortunately what they can do, costs money, something i don't have a lot of at the moment, hence the lack of a Solicitor to represent me! but they did give me abit of advice over the phone
To not even think about settling out of court, her Sol has said this can be done, but of course only if i give in to her demands
I have been bullied by her Sol, because i have no legal rep
30k is too much to be offering due to lack of maintenance and nothing paid to mortgage etc
They have suggested i write a 1 page doc to be presented at the next crt hearing to the judge, listing all that my ex has done wrong and all that i've done right (and hopefully the judge will take this into consideration)
I'd just like a fair hearing, as it seems the last 2 hearings i've been completely shafted, i believe the last judge thought this hearing was part of a financial settlement for a divorce, it didn't seem like she had read through my bundle that i had to prepare for court and didn't even know that i wasn't entitled to legal aid!
I've never disputed that she should get something, we were married for 20 years, its just the amount she wants and thinks shes entitled to and that she wants to basically throw her 2 sons out on the street if she cant get it from me
When you have a fancy talking Sol fighting your case, as she does, knowing full well she will be able to pay for this out of her "winnings" and i have no one, all i can rely on is getting a decent judge! I think maybe in cases like this both parties should be self represented, its hardly fair if one side cant afford a legal rep
I spoke to my local law center who basically said, its a family case, we cant advise, your only option is to get a private Sol
It really does show what our justice system is like , it seems there is no justice for a dad who was just doing the right thing by his family
Thanks for listening, i will keep you posted on the what happens next......
Also, forgot to add, CMS will charge me £20 if i want to find out if i'm entitled to maintenance, in my situation where its looking highly unlikely that i would get anything because of the age of my kids and that its 5 years since she walked out, £20 is a lot of money to me right now, it seems pretty unfair that you're charged just to find out, i'm assuming you wouldn't get a refund if it turns out you're not going to get anything !
If the 17 year old is still in full time non-advanced education, then you are entitled to maintenance until he leaves education, in which case it is probably worth making a claim.
Unfortunately everyone that needs to go through the CMS, has to pay the application fee... I’m not aware of any exemption from that.
Maintenance is applicable for any child up to the age of 20, as long as they’re in full time, non advanced education. That includes some approved apprenticeships and college, but not university. Full time means more than 12 hours a week.
You could attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where they may be able to support you with this, heres a link to their website where you’ll find details of meetings nationally
www.fnf.org/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
All the best
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