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Hello all.
The Mother sticks strictly to the Court Orders (quoting chapter, verse and line) and will show no consideration whatsoever to any small request the Father makes. He ALWAYS receives a firm NO even though the children would benefit.
Today, she has requested he forsake his stipulated day to have the children as she wants to visit relatives who live away for a few days.
The Father always maintains a reasonable approach, never partakes in [censored] for tat and is in favour of allowing her to have them on what should be his day to see the children.
I'm assuming she will offer another day in lieu of the day he will lose but will she?
If she can show flexibility and both parents work together for the sake of the children that would be wonderful, however, she has shown NO SIGN to date of being capable of being reasonable or putting the children first.
I'm interested to know what other fathers would do if they were asked a "favour" by the Mother when she herself never offers any.
The final court appearance re. access is in a few weeks time.
This is a very annoying answer ha ha. It sounds like Dad is doing a fantastic dad at being adult and putting the children first, unlike mum from what you describe. I would be inclined to say yes in the slim hope it makes her also become an adult although this sounds very unlikely from what you say. No harm in putting it to the test just once, if she then doesn't replicate your flexibility, then you have the option to not do it again although because you are adult there will of course be times that you and your son will need to separate your understandable reluctance to be flexible to the mother and whether or not it would be nice for the children and the thought of why should we if she wont be flexible. Bear in mind though that in the end, the children will see through the childish behaviour of the 'mother'. This is scant consolation I know if the children are young as it seems light years away and I know the frustration as I am in a similar position. I continually get told karma will catch up which I truly believe It will but probably not for another decade in my case before my child is old enough to see through his own eyes.
I would say to her you will agree to this occasion but ask her to put it in email to you so you have an official record of her request, the reason and your reply. Make it clear in your reply that you hope despite no flexibility being shown to any request you have made in the past, in the interest of the children you are agreeing to her request and hope that this would encourage greater flexibility on her part for similar requests the other way round.
then take this as evidence to your final hearing which will clearly illustrate you putting the children 1st instead of being as pathetic as her and going [censored] for tat. The court will really like that.
If she wont put it in email then I guess its up to you whether you say yes or no and simply present the facts without any real proof. Im not an expert, just my tuppence worth. I freely admit my impulsive instinct would be [censored] for tat but after some thought, my logical rational decision would be say yes which is much more productive to your long term aspirations.
I agree completely with BD.
I know how difficult that is going to be as well from my personal experience which is similar to this.
I think it is important to try to build the bridges back in the hope that over time this is how things will be on both sides. If your situation is like mine this may be a miniscule hope at this point but I think you need to cling onto it and that things will get better.
Also make sure you get a day in return. Flexibility is not the same as getting taken for a ride........
It is definitely worth writing to her offering this flexibility if she is reluctant to put it in writing herself. The offer shows flexibility and compromise. An email stating as requested by her you are happy to swap day x for day y to enable her relative visit. This may also be of use in case your child happens to be "unwell" that day and coincidentally unable to see you.......
Similar to karma I believe you should always behave in the way you think is correct and not allow your behaviour to be dictated to based on how others behsve. Though I don't always manage this ideal myself in tricky situations like this one......
Good luck
MH
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