[Solved] Shared custod

I can't see any reason why you cant build up to shared care, start putting together a schedule of contact building up over 6 months I was in exactly the same position as you only having seen my 14th month old a hand full of times.

The courts seemed eager to get us out the contact centre and agreed with me that they were no places to build a relationship with my daughter.

So assuming you do go back to court try suggesting first and foremost for contact to move out the centre and go to weekly maybe say 2-4 hours each week with a family member present for around 6 weeks then at your house for 4 hours each week for another 6 weeks then move to a full day for another 6 weeks, moving to a full weekend ect ect.

The courts ordered pretty much the above in my case and after the ex had mellowed and started to see sense I was having my girl every weekend and still do in her eyes I was building trust up to actually look after my girl and once she seen there was no issues she has really started to come round.

As it stands I now have my girl who is 21 months every weekend fri-mon morning and seeing it's the holidays I can have her pretty much when I want It's been hard work getting to this stage and it's only 8 months since the final hearing and I've ended up with shared care or 50/50 which ever way you want to look at it.

If you can find a way of building bridges with the ex that will make things easier, swallow pride bite the bullet if you have too at the end of the day you will have to work together for the sake of your child so the sooner you can achieve that the better 🙂

How come you've been to court 6 times that's bonkers!

I scheduled a progression for court up tp 2 years and was told they cant plan that far at the FHDRA, by legal advisor and cafcass (despite saying its enough for now) when i see you see a 21 month old EVERY weekend ALL weekend, I wonder if Im being overly oppressed

Thank you mr slim some great feedback there, and "twiston", the mother was fine to be outside the centre at the start but because relationships failed between myself and her, she stopped all contact and insisted i fight in court and it goes on to a centre. i do have a past, i was in jail for drug related offences in 2003-05, but done nothing since. i have held down 2 jobs in the last 10 years and moving my life forward. she used my excessive texting at the start as an excuse in court that it should be in a centre, she claimed emotional abuse and got legal aid through it. Her whole family are on my side, they have been from the start but they have had to abide her decisions. and the reason i had to attend court 6 times was due to cafcass not doing their safeguarding reports properly, but except for that, there has been no abuse, physical or mentally, there have been no threats, i have turned up for every visit, two of them in which i traveled a thousand miles(not that the court cares about that)....she is just doing this to retain complete control of the situation, each time we talk she goads me into snapping, then thats her perfect excuse to not turn up for visits and so on. now i try not to talk to her at all unless its about our daughter or money.
All i want to do is leave that [censored] centre, its my main goal, then shared custody in 12 months or so.

Thank you mr slim some great feedback there, and "twiston", the mother was fine to be outside the centre at the start but because relationships failed between myself and her, she stopped all contact and insisted i fight in court and it goes on to a centre. i do have a past, i was in jail for drug related offences in 2003-05, but done nothing since. i have held down 2 jobs in the last 10 years and moving my life forward. she used my excessive texting at the start as an excuse in court that it should be in a centre, she claimed emotional abuse and got legal aid through it. Her whole family are on my side, they have been from the start but they have had to abide her decisions. and the reason i had to attend court 6 times was due to cafcass not doing their safeguarding reports properly, but except for that, there has been no abuse, physical or mentally, there have been no threats, i have turned up for every visit, two of them in which i traveled a thousand miles(not that the court cares about that)....she is just doing this to retain complete control of the situation, each time we talk she goads me into snapping, then thats her perfect excuse to not turn up for visits and so on. now i try not to talk to her at all unless its about our daughter or money.
All i want to do is leave that [censored] centre, its my main goal, then shared custody in 12 months or so.

whats with the inverted commars??

learn the grey rock dude, i think you should be back in court ASAP even just to be on the basis of failed progression.

I used to snap, she started on my yesterday, I disagreed with her calmly and walked off, it took some time and sometimes fails but this is the most emotive subject you'll come across.

sorry for the inverted commars im unsure why i did that. thanks for your advice

Hi there

How long has it been since your order was issued? If it was within the last 12 months, you could try writing to the judge that issued it and ask if they will consider restoring the matter to court.

If 12 months has passed, you will have to take Mojo's advice of applying for variation or enforcement.

Good luck

hi,
i have wrote to the judge and she said they will only consider outside the centre if both paries can agree, and that wont happen anytime soon so my only option is to take it back to court.

Yeah man get it back to court quick sharp, you're in a good position, go for it you can't carry on at a [censored] contact centre honestly my ex played exactly the same game! 🙂

Slim has given you an excellent advice, unless there are serious safeguarding issues like bodies in the basement kind of story (only joking), I would expect a maximum of 6 sessions in a contact centre supervised, maybe another 6 supported (ideally in the community by family or friends or a trustworthy professional) etc Again Slim's schedule is excellent and workable.

The fact of the matter is a contact centre is only temporary so remain hopeful. A judge asking you to agree before an order can be made? What's the point of using the courts then?

Good luck