[Solved] Shared custod

Hi there

Is the contact you have now agreed as part of a court order, or just as an agreement between you and the mother? Was the court case closed with no expectation that contact would develop outside the contact centre?

You're right you and your daughter need to bond and develop a relationship outside of a contact centre. Shared care is something that may not be attainable but I would say that, as long as there are no safeguarding issues, you could expect a minimum of a full weekend every fortnight and a weekly mid week visit... This should really be being worked towards, contact centres are not meant to be used long term.

She is no longer a baby, she has a certain independence from her mother and generally the courts will want to start progressing contact from about the age of 12-18 months old, so it's not unreasonable for you to ask for this to happen.

Shared custody (using the old term) is not an entitlement. In addition to Mojo's questions, have you discussed progression with Mother? Always best to start thinking of the long term as soon as possible, bearing in mind that the process also takes time.

thank you very much guys, your input is much appreciated. the order i have is by the court and not between myself and the mother. i have a visit every two weeks at the mo but the mother is breaching.
7is it worth me forcing this through or shall i bide my time??

hi there

You do have some options, you could

Attend mediation to try and get this sorted out, mediation is mandatory before an application can be made to court, except where an application for enforcement is made.
So strictly speaking if you were to intend on applying to enforce the existing order, you wouldn't be required to attend mediation first and I only suggest this because it might help to avoid returning to court.

You can go directly to court by applying for an enforcement order and also a variation of the existing contact.

You could apply for a variation of the existing contact order, but you would need to attend mediation first.

Before you embark on the mediation/legal route you might like to consider writing to her formallyto remind her that she is breaching the order. You could also ask for contact to be progressed and moved out of the centre and attach a schedule of increasing contact fthe r her agreement.

This just shows the court (if you get that far) that you have tried to resolve the issues yourself and putting things in writing gives you a paper trail of evidence to back up your case. Always keep a copy of all correspondence and proof of posting.

You're right you and your daughter need to bond and develop a relationship outside of a contact centre. Shared care is something that may not be attainable but I would say that, as long as there are no safeguarding issues, you could expect a minimum of a full weekend every fortnight and a weekly mid week visit...n.

sorry if this is a hijack but mojo, where doyou get this from as a minimum, and with his daughters age?

Shared custody (using the old term) is not an entitlement. In addition to Mojo's questions, have you discussed progression with Mother? Always best to start thinking of the long term as soon as possible, bearing in mind that the process also takes time.

I agree, but the child isnt 2 yet, so the advice here is sound OP but be wary of applying to court and planning too far ahead, I fell fowl to that, the RP seems to be allowed to. not none

You missed off some more of what I had written Twiston, particularly about a full weekend and midweek contact being worked towards. At 20 months the child is now old enough o start progressing contact .

"....This should really be being worked towards, contact centres are not meant to be used long term.

She is no longer a baby, she has a certain independence from her mother and generally the courts will want to start progressing contact from about the age of 12-18 months old, so it's not unreasonable for you to ask for this to happen."

Here's a link to some info about contact and age....there's very little out there, but I speak from having experience of what courts like to order as a basic average. Of course it's not set in stone and we have had members who have managed to get orders for overnights with their children at a very young age, and some that can't get overnights for love nor money. It really is down to the judge that sits on the case, the power is all in their hands and that's why orders vary so wildly In a criminal court you get set tariffs that the judges are guided by, but in civil court this isn't the case and its left more or less in the hands of the judge.... And some of them are positively archaic.

http://www.familieslink.co.uk/pages/court_reporters_cafcass_child_contact.htm

Thank you all for the input very much appreciated.
My only concern was the fact i have only met my daughter 6 times for about an hour or so each time, so give or take i have spent only around 8 hours with my daughter in her lifetime. I didnt want to waste £215 and the hassle of going to court for the 7th time for me not to have a fair chance of getting more contact than im getting now. My primary goal is to get her outside the centre and spend some time with her in a park, or go for lunch and so on as i know shared custody is probably not going to happen yet.

I can't see any reason why you cant build up to shared care, start putting together a schedule of contact building up over 6 months I was in exactly the same position as you only having seen my 14th month old a hand full of times.

The courts seemed eager to get us out the contact centre and agreed with me that they were no places to build a relationship with my daughter.

So assuming you do go back to court try suggesting first and foremost for contact to move out the centre and go to weekly maybe say 2-4 hours each week with a family member present for around 6 weeks then at your house for 4 hours each week for another 6 weeks then move to a full day for another 6 weeks, moving to a full weekend ect ect.

The courts ordered pretty much the above in my case and after the ex had mellowed and started to see sense I was having my girl every weekend and still do in her eyes I was building trust up to actually look after my girl and once she seen there was no issues she has really started to come round.

As it stands I now have my girl who is 21 months every weekend fri-mon morning and seeing it's the holidays I can have her pretty much when I want It's been hard work getting to this stage and it's only 8 months since the final hearing and I've ended up with shared care or 50/50 which ever way you want to look at it.

If you can find a way of building bridges with the ex that will make things easier, swallow pride bite the bullet if you have too at the end of the day you will have to work together for the sake of your child so the sooner you can achieve that the better 🙂

How come you've been to court 6 times that's bonkers!

You missed off some more of what I had written Twiston, particularly about a full weekend and midweek contact being worked towards. At 20 months the child is now old enough o start progressing contact .

"....This should really be being worked towards, contact centres are not meant to be used long term.

She is no longer a baby, she has a certain independence from her mother and generally the courts will want to start progressing contact from about the age of 12-18 months old, so it's not unreasonable for you to ask for this to happen."

Here's a link to some info about contact and age....there's very little out there, but I speak from having experience of what courts like to order as a basic average. Of course it's not set in stone and we have had members who have managed to get orders for overnights with their children at a very young age, and some that can't get overnights for love nor money. It really is down to the judge that sits on the case, the power is all in their hands and that's why orders vary so wildly In a criminal court you get set tariffs that the judges are guided by, but in civil court this isn't the case and its left more or less in the hands of the judge.... And some of them are positively archaic.

http://www.familieslink.co.uk/pages/court_reporters_cafcass_child_contact.htm

thats fair enough, i misquoted, in court I was told my ideas of progression at 2 years was too much planning so Im interested in whether this is standard snd my naivety or that im being done over

That quantumn of contact suggests much less time that suggested, or that Mr Slim gets?

if youve never missed a beat you SHOULD be back in court as thst contact is oppressive AND the court are frustrating the relationship alongside mother, can I ask? is there a reason for this ype of contact? DV allegations?