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Hi guys.
New here and just looking for some advice really. Me and my long term partner of nearly 4 years recently separated nearly 2 weeks ago. Won't go into it but she was the one who ended it but that's a story for a other day. Anyway we have a 1 year old son together ( she decided to end it on his first birthday - thanks for that... ). I'm really struggling with not seeing him every day. I've seen him today for a few hours and it was really hard because it just made me more sad as I miss him so much. Ex has been perfectly fine with everything. Will let me see him whenever I want and has been great if I'm honest but when I do see him in just filled with feelings of regret that we couldn't make our relationship work for him. Is this normal? Am I struggling to separate my feelings the relationship is over with my feelings for him? Very confused 🙁
Chucky
I'm very very sorry, this brings back painful memories and I remember feeling exactly the same not that long ago. I had a similar feeling at the time, I wanted to get back together with the ex, not because I wanted to be with her, but because I wanted to be with our child. When it first happened, people told me it gets easier with time, and that's somewhat true.
It sounds positive that you're in good enough terms with her to be able to see the child, and the more you are able to be a part of his life the better for him.
In my better moments of clarity, I am actually thankful that we separated and didn't get back together, because in some ways, our separation was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I spend more quality time with my son that many dads in intact families do, and I value and nurture our relationship a lot more because of everything that has happened. We have lots of fun, but I've also became his carer in a way I wasn't before separation and I am a lot more conscious with regards to his upbringing and education.
Your child is only 1, you have lots of good things to look forward to, walking down the street with him sitting on your shoulders pulling your ears, him sitting on your lap while you read him a book (such a fantastic feeling), him starting to walk about, running away from you and looking back with a cheeky smile to see if you're going to chase him, throwing food all over the place, running away while you try to change his nappy. I've now had to change tactics and if doesn't stop moving while I change his nappy I rugby tackle him and make silly noises, it gets the job done 🙂
Mine now started interacting with other kids, the other day we were at the play group and he decided to make a runner to the door, the other kids followed and before you know it there was this gang of 2 year old toddlers running up the stairs of the building giggling while their parents chased them 🙂
Your feelings sound normal, and it's awful, i'm sorry.
Hi there
Its really early days, you’ve only just split up and it will take time to get your head straight, break ups are a lot like bereavement and you will experience many of the same emotions...you’ll need time to work through them. Just be kind to yourself, ale sure you’re taking care of the basics of eating and sleeping and keep busy, it will help whilst your adjusting.
Its really important that you look after yourself and if you have friends and family that you can turn to for support that will help... and of course you can always come here to talk.
If you can keep your relationship with your ex on an even keel that will really help in the long term with successful co parenting.
Once the dust has settled, you could try and discuss putting a parenting plan in place to provide an effective framework for caring for your son... some ground rules of respect for one another and the need for flexibility and working together to give him the best possible future.
All the best
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