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Hi there,
I have my daughter every Weds night, every other Monday night and half of all school holidays. My ex and I have recently fallen into dispute over the fact that I have had a friend staying recently (downstairs in the living room) - she is not happy with this. He is an old friend I trust.
I have been prepared to listen to her concerns and try to reach a compromise but haven't been happy about my ex just giving out orders about how I live my life and run my home. She has now said she will not "allow" my daughter to stay over with me unless I tell her my friend is not there, even though she has given me no specific reason as to why this friend in particular is a concern to her. Surely, she has no right to state this as an absolute demand? I'm very happy to compromise and in truth can ask my friend to leave very easily - but I don't want to give in to the principle of her telling me what is and isn't "allowed" in what is a dictatorial way that doesn't respect how I run my home. For example, I'm worried she might equally "demand" that my partner (of several months) is not "allowed" to stay over when my daughter is over - even though I know my ex has had her boyfriend stay over at her lace when my daughter was there without consulting me. I also might want to rent my spare room out in future for financial reasons and wonder what, if any, legal right she would have to raise objections to that?
Thanks.
Hi again
What you do when your daughter is with you is up to you and that goes for people that you chose to have around her too.
With the problems you are having over contact generally it might be advisable to try Mediation to get some agreement in place. If this didn't work you would then have the option of going to court. There's lots of info about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section which you might find useful.
As Mojo says, Mediation would be the best place to start with these issues.
If your ex refuses to let your daughter stay: without a court order in place there would be nothing you can do to enforce it. I would say pick your battles wisely, don't bow down to your ex but don't let something small escalate to a refusal to let your daughter stay over.
Hi There,
.
I agree with what's been said already and you do have too pick your battles, that said from having experience of a controlling ex, I know that when you you give way to some of these demands that it can soon escallate and you can end up with further demands so you can see your child.
.
I'm not saying stand up and refuse to do as she has asked, but I would say ensure things have been discussed maybe as suggested through mediation before you agree, that way hopefully you will hear her reasons for her not wanting your friend to stay and be able to discuss it, the fact that you try mediation for this could even stop the demands in the future as she may feel she doesn't want the hassle of going back to mediation everytime she tries.
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GTTS
Thanks for all the advice.
I have gone to a mediating service who have already contacted my ex and am quite prepared to get a Child Arrangement Order ASAP if that fails. My dilemma is the meantime (next couple of weeks) - it just seems so outrageous and unfair to bow to her unreasonable demand to not let her stay overnight. I am remaining as open as possible, reiterating my wish to discuss her concerns and taking one day at a time between now and mediation/court order.
Thanks again
Unfortunately, these things take time, so you can't always get things done in the short term unless your ex is agreeable, which isn't the case here, so you have to take a long term view.
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