[Solved] Refusal of mediation and Contact order

Hi Paul

If you have Parental Responsibility for your child you do have certain rights. PR is automatic for a father if he was married to the mother, or if he is named on the childs birth certificate and the child was born after December 2003.

Unfortunately your situation is all too common, your ex should be discussing any important decisions about your daughters health, education and religion with you, but there is very little chance of this happening if the mother chooses not to!

A court order can offer you some security, but it should always be a last resort, after all else fails.

I think your first option could be to write to your ex formally and remind her that you have PR and that you want to be more involved in the important aspects of your daughter life, such as decisions about her health and her education.

Speak about the need for you both to work together for the benefit of your daughter, who from her recent behaviour is obviously struggling emotionally because of the lack of effective co parenting between you at the moment.

Attach a Parenting Plan to the letter, that you have filled out, include a blank copy for her to complete and suggest that having firm guidelines will benefit you both as parents and your daughter most of all because it will give her security and consistency, which all children need to feel safe and develop thei confidence.

Give her a timeframe to get back to you with her suggestions, but let her know that if your request for a parenting plan is ignored you will be attending mediation with a view to court if mediation fails, or she refuses to attend.

Point out that mediation is mandatory now and that courts expect parents to make every effort to resolve issues without having to take it to court, that it's much better to try and reach agreement between yourselves.

You could also write to your daughters GP and ask to see them to discuss your daughter medical issues. You can do the same with the school, ask them to keep you informed of your daughter progress and any events that parents can attend.

There are some templates for letters that you might find useful, and a template for a Parenting Plan that you can use. I'll find the link and post them.

Good luck

Here's a link to our sticky about Parenting Plans.

http://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

Here's a link to a template for a letter to school

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/preducation.html

Here's the link to a template for a letter to the GP

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/prmedicalmatters.html

If you decide to write to her, keep a copy and proof of postage, if you are able you can also email her as then you have proof that you wrote and the date it was sent. Effectively you need to create a record of all events concerning your daughter, all communication between you and the mother, this will be useful to you if it gets as far as court. With that in mind keep all correspondence civil and non confrontational, don't worry about her reaction, just concentrate on putting together your case.

Thank you so much for the information I really appreciate it.

I have indeed already sent a letter to the school and to her GP which her granmother is the practice manager so god knows how thats going to go.

I have also sent a letter to her mother statining that I want to go to mediation but she has said "Take me to court!"

Is it worth keeping text msgs as I have sent in a text message the same as I sent in the letter.

She is point blank refusing to go to mediation and yes this is affecting my daughter but she doesnt see it and says I am being OTT.

Should I be writing a "Statement" to accompany my C100?

Again Thank you

...it's quite easy for her to refuse a personal request from you to attend mediation, an official letter asking her to attend may get a different response.... however you asking and her refusing isn't enough to satisfy the court that mediation has been attempted. You will have to attend and discuss your situation with a mediator, they will then formally invite your ex to attend, if she refuses they will then sign off the forms to enable you to make the application to court. She may back down and agree to give it a go,which would be a step in the right direction.....court should always be a last resort.

As far as a statement is concerned, there is a section on the court application form where they ask for information about why you are making the application. It's best to keep it brief at that stage, if the answer box isn't big enough you can continue your answe on a separate piece of paper.

You could also put a short (1-2 page) position statement together and take it with you for the first hearing, giving a copy to the clerk to give to the judge before the hearing, and a further two copies one for your ex and the other for CAFCASS.

again I appreciate the feedbac. One last note though regarding CAFCASS. When and how do they get involved?

just as another note I have already contacted the national mediation service and I am awaiting a date for an appointment. so I guess I am doing all of the right things?

The last thing I want to do is go through court but I am ever hopeful her mother will change her mind as you say when an official letter is sent via mediation.

...when you make the application with form C100 you will need to send/take the original and 3 x copies to the court office. The court keep the original, one copy goes to the respondent ( your ex), one copy to you and the third copy goes to CAFCASS.

Often they will make a report, called a schedule 2 letter, prior to the first hearing. They usually conduct an interview with both parties by telephone, they will do a brief check to ascertain if either party has criminal convictions, or if there has been a history of Social Services involvement. If there are no safeguarding concerns then they usually recommend that contact go ahead and state that they do not need to be further involved.

Yes you are doing the right things in the right order. You might like to consider printing off the CAFCASS Parenting Plan, getting it filled out and take it with you when you attend mediation. If nothing comes of mediation you can attach this to the court application.

You may find this link helpful, it's helps explain what the court process involves

https://www.justice.gov.uk/downloads/family-justice-reform/pd-12b-cap.pdf

...and this flowchart is helpful

http://www.judiciary.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Child-Arrangements-Programme-Flowchart.pdf