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Hi. So yeah, I've been estranged for like 25 years for reasons not worth going into. Out of the blue, I just discovered my two girls are all grown up, and I'm now a grandfather. I kind of tossed all the toys out of the cot at that point and went on something of a bender.
My daughter came to visit me a couple of weeks ago for the first time ever, and was talking about moving to my town, where she was born. I seriously don't know how to begin even processing this.
I'm not a retard, but neither am I successful in life. If you think high-functioning drunk/computer programmer you'd be pretty close.
There has been contact over the more recent years, but that was pretty much limited to me dumping my old tech on them: PS3, PSP, Computers iPhones and Air Rifles (Girls need to know how to shoot)
But now it's got real, and I'm kinda scared. What if I actually have to talk to them? What could we possibly talk about? That time I banged a stripper? The time I got arrested for being drunk in public? The time I blew 4 times the legal limit and left skid marks on the edge of a cliff?
And how do I talk to my Grandson? Well it's like this: $30 should get you enough weed for the weekend, or a night if you're going hard out (I stopped with the weed years ago)
I just don't know. And I'm now in my 50's and haven't got a [censored] clue. OK, let the flaming and recriminations begin.
Hi Bruce and welcome
This must be a huge shock to the system, but try not to second guess what will happen...there doesn't have to be flaming and recriminations and It doesn't sound like your daughter has re entered your life all guns blazing.
Honesty is the best policy....tell her how you feel and ask for her understanding and help to grow your relationship one step at a time. Don't bring up the past, better to let it go and concentrate on the future. Don't talk about their mum, unless they bring her into the conversation and then keep your bad feelings about her to yourself.... This isn't about her, it's about you and your children getting to know each other, and hopefully building a relationship based on trust and love.
Children are easy, just get down to his level and let him take the lead...if he's a teenager then computers and fast cars are good subjects!
Best of luck
I can completely understand your anxiety. I was enstranged for 2 years but have them regularly / overnight almost every week but still struggle with connecting with them so don't beat yourself.
In addition to the earlier comment, maybe you both start a new child-friendly hobby together which neither have done before (like ghost hunting ha ha) or that £30 could go into an upcycling project to raise funds for christmas....My point is, take it one step at a time...enjoy being a dad and a grand-dad.
All the best
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