[Solved] Readers of 'Separated Dads' forum

Not me....Found this site and forum in 2011 and have used only this and Famlies Need Fathers forums ever since.

FnF i started using about 3 or 4 years ago as some of the rubbish and stunts my ex was pulling wasn't something i could find answers to on here at the time.

Hello Dad-i-d. Thanks for replying.

I started reading this site around October/November last year and it was a tremendous help in a difficult period. But there was a time when the site became very quiet and threads lasted only as long as 1 or 2 replies if that. It's still hard to get an overview on here: this thread was only started yesterday and already it's a page back on recent topics. If you miss a day or two it's difficult to pick it up again. So I followed Separated Dads because there was more going on and you can catch up quite easily.

The reason I ask is that the site has become dominated by an attitude of prescription and condemnation that is fast becoming almost official. It seems to me it's by definition a site for men who have had their hearts so pulverized a lot don't know if we can make it from one end of the week to the other. What's required is surely a certain amount of compassion and empathy for fellow human beings in a terrible situation. But the semi-official point of view is all the time getting more judgemental and self-righteous.

I was wondering if it's time to cross over to this site and if others readers of that site were starting to feel the same. Judging by the scarcity of replies it seems that people tend to use one site or the other.

Hi there

I’m sorry to hear that you have had difficulties with both forums, have you tried talking to Moderators/Admin on the other forum about how you feel?

I don’t quite understand what you mean by an overview? I’ve had a look at response numbers to threads and I would say they look pretty well covered to be honest, with most having multiple replies.

If you want your thread to stay at the top, you can bump it up by commenting, there’s usually a Moderator on daily, But if you’re not getting a response, you can always send a PM to one of the Moderators... we’re usually pretty quick at picking them up.

Some users come here to get a specific question answered and don’t hang around to share their experiences. The fact that the recent topics page is so fluid is down to the volume of members we have, we try to make our forum a friendly and approachable place to be and on the whole I think we achieve that.

We had a major upgrade a few months ago and it did effect the workings of the forum for a short while, which could explain why you felt it was so quiet, but it has picked up recently and we have new members joining all the time.

Thank you for your observations, we always try and do our best to advise and support all our members.

All the best

Hello mojo. The only (2) criticisms I have of the form are small and in a way linked but it could be they're having an effect on the number of readers. The problem is when you first click on to recent topics. You get an overview of what threads are active. But because the visual format of the site is to use a lot of large print you can only see a list of about 10 threads. At the same time threads don't seem to continue beyond a couple of replies. New ones are started quickly so a thread started only half a day earlier soon disappears from the first page. On the other site the print is smaller so the first page shows about 20 or more topics and they tend to develop into lasting discussions. There's one live one at the moment that runs to 27 pages.

I’m still not sure I follow...I don’t get an overview of active topics when I click on recent topics, I go straight to the first page, which has 30 threads, most with more than 1 or 2 replies, there’s one running from yesterday, that has 15 replies and another with 26 I think. I’ve taken a screenshot of what I see when I log in and go to the recent topics page.

I’m not the most techy, perhaps actd will shed some light on it when he comes on.

I haven’t been on the forum of the other site so can’t comment on their format, but forums have slightly different operating formats.

Can’t upload the screenshot ... sorry.

Hi mojo.

You are absolutly right. Click on recent topics and there are about 30 topics on the first page. All I can think to explain what is clearly my mistake is that there's quite an amount of scrolling down through white space required and it creates an impression - just an impression - of not being able to see what's going on. The other site with it's smaller print you can see almost at a glance like a contents page in a book.

At this point I think anybody reading this would be fully justified in throwing rotten tomatoes and shouting at me to shut up and get off. I shall withdraw the point and try to back out gracefully. I also take your point about some topics catching on - as you say there's one there with 45 replies. That said I think as a rule topics on the other site tend to last longer and create ongoing discussion.

But none of that is the main point. I didn't post to criticise but to see if this is an easier place for discussion. The difficulty with the other site is that the judgementalism is fast becoming institutionalised because the most intolerant have become the moderators. There is therefore nobody to complain to. There is however the absurd situation that you can use the ignore facility to block out the moderators like any other poster.

The thing about this site is I have never felt the faintest whiff of self-advertising criticism from the moderators or anybody else. The consistent impression is one of compassion and empathy which I would think is the most appropriate in this situation. For that I know I am grateful especially in the early days (almost a year now.)

The way I use this forum is to go for the "recent topics" and go the the earliest posts with "new" on them, and then work through until I've been through all topics up to the very latest and there are no remaining posts with "new" - that way I hopefully don't miss any posts whatsoever.

If there are any issues, certainly let us know, it may be that there are other ways of achieving what you are after.

As for moving across to this forum form the other - that's entirely up to you. The main aim is to ensure that anyone on here gets as much correct and informed information as possible, and having not been on Separated Dads, I would hope that they have the same aim, so whatever gets you the information you need is the correct solution.

No worries staggered...There’ll be no throwing rotten tomatoes, or shouting at you on this forum! Just happy to help.:)