[Solved] People's Thoughts On Telling The Child

Hi, I to have thought about this many times. Basically I would happily journey through life being amicable with my ex wife and leave it between us although I cannot believe what has happened to me, in order that my child has parents who can be seen to communicate civilly and not make it an emotional upheaval whenever we see each other.

I have filed all my documents from solicitors from both sides which clearly show my desire to ensure I have a relationship and the other sides desire to make it as difficult as possible.

I will only ever show it if I am portrayed as something I'm not and it threatens our relationship but in that situation I definitely would. the extent of how I've had to battle would then be clear for all to see both emotionally and financially.

I'd love to hear more peoples thoughts on the subject.

Ok... I believe that children work things out themselves and when they ask questions, a truthful answer, although
without slating the ex, should be given....in my opinion anyway 🙂

That's how I dealt with it when my sons wanted to know things about their dad.
I did keep documents etc but only showed it to them when they were adults at which point they
knew most of the facts anyway.
I have never regretted not bad mouthing their father....and this paid off years later when one of my sons
said to me that " I was such a cool mum " by not bad mouthing their dad and letting them find out themselves
what kind if person he was/is.
Painful as that period in our lives was... I would do it the same way again....because by the end of the day,
my kids had/have a right to love mum and dad and I wouldn't do anything to stop that....

Take care
Kirsten

Thanks for your view. I have never bad-mouth or would never bad-mouth my ex to my child. As she is still at a fairly young age, I have not been hit by these questions yet. I'm dreading the day she does but want to express it as unbiased as I can regardless to the way I have been treated by the mother of my child.

I haven't given it any thought. I really should do one day. However, I feel provided the truth is told, then when the time comes you'd know your child well enough that it will be a natural convo.

Yes, if it gets spoken about then be open about it. That's my thought,

Something which I have found useful is I set up an email account in my daughters name and have put the details of that account in my will. I should still be around when my daughter turns 18 and as long as she is stable at 18 I will give her the address and password. I email the account on a monthly basis with photos, videos and stories but I find it helps me to explain the things I have done to ensure she is a big part of my life as her mum would love nothing more than for me to disappear. This months email will be particular hard though as I went to court on Wednesday and had the typical mothers are more important verdict and as a result will mean I see my daughter less (even though I was the one who took her mum to court to see her more).

Thanks for all your replies.

I'm sorry to hear that Superhoop. I don't hold much hope for my court appearance after some of the things I have read on here. I haven't seen my daughter in 5 months even though I conceded to everything asked of me. Try to keep positive and see every battle as a small victory in a much longer war. Sadly we have to play the game thrown before us and I would like to think we are tested in this way because we are stronger than most.

Best wishes.

IAP

IAP I can't imagine what you are going through as I do get to see my daughter regularly and he thought of not seeing her for 5 months would destroy me.

I found a few things difficult, firstly, nobody really explains what it is like in court, the process, the layout, the people in it, what will be said, when is your chance to put your point across, how long it goes on for etc. if I knew all this stuff then I would have approached it differently.

Another thing that is sad, and this is entirely my opinion and some people will say 'your only saying that because you didn't get what you wanted' but I hand on heart knew from the moment I walked into the court room and seen the magistrates that I would end up worse off. It was a man in the middle in his sixties and 2 women both in their sixties to seventies and everything from the way they spoke to me compared to how they spoke to my ex through to how they answered my questions and their whole demeaned towards me just made me feel like the result was made up in their minds before I got into the room. These people are trusted to make the right decision on what is best for the child and from the way they look to the way them spoke these people are so out of touch with the real world they wouldn't couldn't possibly know what is best for my daughter so they resort to the safe option of mother is best, dad can have the left overs.

As you can probably tell I am still very angry with this and more so because there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe in a few months time I will have settled down but at the moment I am finding it all a bit much to take.

Sorry to put such a downer on things before your case, I really hope you get what you need.

I have my down days like everyone does. I've been to the dark place as many people have been before, but focusing on my case and being as prepared as I can keeps me going.

With some of the points you have made, you are absolutely preaching to the choir. I often find myself banging me head against a wall when interacting with the different agencies and Corporations. They tend to side with the mother in most cases and are still guided by archaic misconceptions. As i'm all for equal rights for both genders and a lot of progress appears to be made for women's working rights, as of yet it would appear this hasn't transferred over into the field of parenting. I've prepared for the worst and anything else will be considered a bonus.

From reading I can fully understand your anger and I'm here if you feel like talking. A problem shared is a problem halved, as my mother always says. To be honest if I hadn't found this forum where I can vent and get help anonymously I really don't know where I would be right now.

Have you got another hearing or was that their final decision?