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Hi all,
Since 2003 I have watched my ex wife use what I now know to be Parent Alienation Syndrome. And I have chosen today 4th April 2017 to write this.
The reason I have chosen today is because I have, yet again experienced another ploy by my ex-wife to alienate me from my youngest daughter (18).
I have three children who have experienced a range of unusual experiences constructed by my ex to anchor them to her. She has shared every range of negative emotions with all of my children.
My first knowledge of this strange behaviour when she told me, with her parents that she formed a circle, held hands and sobbed. Making my children very upset to witness this level of distress.
It soon became clear that if she felt bad, she had her children to confide in. In time I also realised that she felt it necessary to use them as a weapon against me - but did it in a sly and subtle way.
I used to ask her 'Is it ok if I take the children away for a holiday?' Her reply would always be positive 'Yes of course they would love that'.
But through a process of attrition she would subtly put the children off. In time they would say 'I don't think I want to go on holiday and be away from you' to their mother. She didn't encourage time with their father, instead offered a week of treats (take aways, trips out, time spent together) if they stayed. And of course they soon realised it was a system of rewards if they decided not to spend time with their father.
I booked flights, paid deposits only for my ex-wife to announce (at the eleventh hour) none of them wanted to go now. I am sure she revelled in the fact that I would lose hundreds of pounds in cancellation fees. I tried not to show her my utter sadness every time this happened - but she knew.
This then lead to me seeing the children at weekends with one or two always staying at home - reward time.
As time went by my youngest daughter started to stay round my house (and my new partners) she actually grew in confidence as she had developed friends with neighbours kids and my step-children. All started to feel better - WRONG!
One night my ex-wife decided to call my house to say goodnight to my daughter - only to tell her off for not 'saying goodbye properly' when she left her mother earlier in the day. Yep you heard it right.
My daughter started crying and felt compelled to go home immediately as she clearly was made to feel guilty by my ex-wife. Cruel hey?
Well that stopped my daughter ever staying over again.
These subtle tricks have been deployed by my ex-wife for nearly 14 years now. And today she took another opportunity to put in a bad word about me. It was so deliberate it was almost embarrassing.
I read that PAS effect 1 in 3 families, mainly by women who use their children as a weapon.
I never felt the children hated me, in fact I know they love me and that I love them - but as an inferior human being to their paranoid neurotic obsessive mother and her one-sided cold family. As my children get older they will see what she did. They will either avoid her dreadful behaviour or mirror it.
Sorry kids - I wish it had been different - but I couldn't prove or fight subtle parent alienation syndrome.
It will be a slow process, but your children can now start to show their independance from their mother, and hopefully you can start to rebuild the relationship with them. Don't put your ex down in any way to them, as this will probably make them uncomfortable, but in time they will start to grow in confidence in seeing you.
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