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Hi everyone,
Can anyone give me an idea what may happen next in my situation?
6 months ago, I was , and the Primary Carer for my two Children, and I lived with my partner of 18 years. Since the kids were 6 months old, I had looked after them, whilst my partner had the career. I also worked, once she came home from work. The relationship was very difficult, and I am being totally honest here in saying that she would argue with me every single day, and I knew it was a bad relationship, but I loved her, and I just hoped it would some day get better. It didn't, and she would treat me terribly, and it was like psychological warfare every day. We had a couple of serious incidents, where the Police were called out, and my kids saw Mum and Dad fighting and shouting etc.
Sadly, due to the incredible duress I was under, I started to swear regularly, after my partner had started something with me, the typical mind games etc..and then my children would walk in and here their Dad seemingly being abusive. Sadly, on some occasions, I swore at my kids, and I regret this with every part of my being, and it is very hard to justifly or explain, but their Mother was manipulating everything in the house, and she was manipulating me. I would cry when I got to work, explaining to my boss and my colleagues, what was going on, and they all said my partner was evil, and I should leave her, but I couldn't leave the kids.
One night, in March, she came home from work and told me not to make a fuss, but to leave that night. She asked for my door key, and she said I could take the car and return on the Monday, to look after the kids whilst she went to work. I did as she asked, and just thought we were having a break from each other. I went to my parents and stayed there for a couple of days. I would phone in the evening, and in the morning, to speak to the kids. Then she told me there was a "Change of Plan"....she, and the Children had been the Victims of Domestic Violence for Years, and that I would next see the children in a Contact Centre, under Supervision!
I was devastated, I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. A week went by, with her texting and calling me, suggesting Child Maintenance would be contacting me regarding paying for the Children. I thought she was bluffing, but she wasn't. They did contact me, and then I was served with a Non Molestation Order, and a Child Arrangements Order. The next day, the Police contacted me, regarding an alleged Assault she had reported.
6 MONTHS has gone, and I have not been aloud to see my two children. I have spent over £5k on Legal Representation, and I have got to attend a DVPP Course for 6 months. I am next in Court in the New Year, after I have been on the Course for Half the duration. I am only aloud to send cards to my children, that, until recently, I had to pay £40 each time, as her Solicitor would charge me to pass them on. My Children have been Brainwashed for 6months, and the Section 7 Report painted a very ugly picture of me as a Dad. The Report even suggested that perhaps, even after completion of the DVPP, if I had been a model student etc..it might be best for the Children, if they NEVER HAVE CONTACT WITH ME.
Does anyone know what might happen next to me? I think, based on what has happened so far, that it will be decided that I should not see my children again, atleast, not until they are older.CAFCASS said one thing to me, when they interviewed me, but another all together in the S7 Report.
Cheers, S74
Don't beat yourself up too much mate, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation unfortunately this is the situation most dads on here have found themselves in and have been through it or are going through it same too for me.
This can and will be sorted out it seems like you have well and truly been screwed over here and your solicitor doesn't seem much use at all, I hate them with a passion and I see it time and time again they seem to drag things out for their own personal gain to line their pockets.
Did you know you can self represent in court? It would be a much cheaper option and judging by most dads on here you seem to get the same results in the end whether you're represented or not, If money is tight theres nothing stopping you from binning your solicitor self repping or you could use a Mckenzie friend to help you with court.
How many hearings have you had? Was it your ex who applied for the child arragements order? how old are your children.
Try and do your research on the family court utilise sites like this and see if there's any family needs fathers meetings in your area its good to meet people in the same boat.
I had to go to court 2 years ago and I didn't see my new born baby for 10 long horrific months with the ex using the same bollocks against me as you have explained, It does seem impossible when you're in the the thick of it but you've got to stick in there mate and if you have to go to a contact centre to see your kids then jump at the chance as that is the start of you being able to be a part of your childs life again I had to do it, it was torture but after 6 months or so I was seeing my girl every weekend and now I have my girl without fail every weekend fri-mon morning .
Don't lose hope you will get through this we are all her for help and in the mean time take care of yourself try to eat well sleep well lean on family and friends keep your chin up man and keep posting dude.
All the best
Slim 🙂
If you don't have a solicitor any more, I'd contact the Coram Children Legal Centre - http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com - they will give free legal advice. You have some pretty complex issues so I think professional legal advice would help, and hopefully someone with experience of your situation and the issues can also help on here.
Hi Slim, thanks for the support.
My Ex took out the Non Molestation Order, and the Child Arrangements Order, a week after she got me to leave the family home. The following day, the Police contacted me, as she had then been to them to claim I had assaulted her. I went to the Non Molestation Order Hearing, where they decided to keep it in place for a year, as I had no problem in keeping away from her, its the last place I would want to go. Sadly, it also stops me going within 100 meters of the house where my kids live, but I am not gonna give her what she wants, and that is me getting into trouble.
Ive got my next Child Arrangements Hearing in January, and this is the Dispute Resolution Hearing. There is a Final Hearing after that, but I believe its possible for another before the Final one. I am doing this Course now, and I will have done half the course by the time I have the next hearing in January. Sadly, the CAFCASS woman said in her S7 Report that regardless of how well I do on the course, it may be in the kids best interests to not see me until they are older.
My son is 10, and my daughter is 6. I have managed to get myself Legal Representation in the form of a Barrister for Court, and a Solicitor in the background. I have got a loan to cover all of it. I now send my cards for the kids, to a chap that my Ex put forward as someone that could be trusted to pass them on to the kids, but I am pretty sure he wont do anything without my Ex saying so first, and that includes her seeing the cards etc..
I will not see my kids over Christmas, and I don't know if they will actually receive their presents, or not. I recently left a gift card for £100 for my daughters 6th birthday, with the Solicitor of my Ex, and I was never told if my daughter got it, or if she spent it, or if she even through it away. The solicitor would just pass it on to my ex, for her to decide what to do. Its disgusting. It is only because this time round, I had a decent Barrister with me, that they got the Judge to agree that me paying £40 every time I wanted to send a card to my kids was wrong, and I should not have to pay.
My kids have been told since day one, that I have been seeing various women, and this is just not true. Sadly however, they believe it, and this is why they have turned on me. My son in particular, sounds like he really hates me, and because of his age, CAFCASS say that basically, he has his own mind, and unless they think hes been influenced by his mother, they wont push him to see me. Funnily enough, they don't believe his mother has influenced him, its crazy.
I appreciate your time and your thoughts, S74
thanks for that link. I have got representation, but I will check it out anyway.
Best Wishes, S74
I'm surprised you've not been given a finding of fact hearing or an opportunity to provide statements of evidence to dispute the claims, but obviously we only have minimal details to go on, you have admitted to some verbal abuse and you do have representation to advise you.
At the very least, you will be given an opportunity to challenge anything you disagree with at a final hearing and hopefully you can push for supervised contact rather than indirect or no contact.
Hi Yoda,
Thanks for the comments, and yes, I hope to get that chance.
Best Wishes, S74
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