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Hi all i hope domebody could help me.
My story is as follows, my ex partner of 14 years whom I have 2 young boys with 8 and 10 years old. We both own the house she now lives in alone with my 2 son's and her son of 15 years from a previous relationship who I see as my own son having bringing him up since he was 9 months old as his biological father has had literally nothing at all to do with him. My ex is an alcoholic who has beaten me for around 8 years. First started in 2010 when she ran me over. Since then I've been punched kicked daily since the past 3/4 years. She has smashed the house up numerous times, left the gas on all oven hobs while I was at work then went to bed early afternoon as she was drunk while I was at work, I come home to the home full of has and children present. She has got an 1 huge chunk out of my leg leaving a scar shaped from her teeth, pushed me down the stairs, and then punching the back of my head while I was dazed. She's chucked bleach all around the home threatening to set it on fire, kids present. 2 years ago she went with a knife for her elder son whom as I've stated I class as my own, I ran over to protect him and the knife was put into my back, only enough to pierce my skin but stabbed me all the same. Ive woken up with her on top of me in bed ready to plunge a knife into my upper body but I managed to wrestle it from her. She's done so much more than I could even say, but as an idiot I didn't ring the police as I was worried about what she might do if I did this. Ive been physically and emotionally abused for years by her. She went to rehab 2 years ago which the family chipped in the total of £6000, I paid £2000 of that and had to get a loan. Since then it lasted 4 months until she went back to drinking. She's emotionally abused the children on numerous occasions as they use to run away and hide together in their bedrooms as they were scared about there mother screaming and yelling. My 10 year old is autistic and he really doesn't understand bless him so much. Now to protect herself she has reported ME to the police 2 years ago claiming I'm the 1 emotionally abusing her and I'm the reason she drinks!!! Unbelievable. I went to the police to answer and deny and no charges were brought. There was 1 occasion where I had gone out with friends for drinks and I came home to find my ex screaming and shouting, her elder son got in between us and went to leave so I grabbed his arm as it was late and refused to let him leave, I then pished my ex out of the home as she was steaming drunk, she then called the police stating I grabbed her by the throat and chucked her out and that I had harmed her son. Yes I was arrested but released without any charge or bail. No further action. Social services became involved and the children are placed on a child protection act. She has taken out a non melostation order against myself to which we had a first hearing which I decided to fight. Second hearing was pretty much the same where I refused to take an undertaking and await a finding of fact hearing on the 17th October. I have breached the non molestation order in a way of 'note' that my ex received in my handwriting. The note read...'can somebody be at the property towards end of week as boys trainers being delivered, and all pictures of boys are on my public Facebook for you to see, I'd like to think you'd do the same'. That was literally it, it wasn't addressed or named to her nor did I leave my name.
Now this was intended for a reminder for my mother to read to my ex upon handing over the children to her after I'd seen it, but my mother being my mother accidently put it in the children's bag along with their belongings for them to take back. Of course my ex came across it as my mother forgot about the note in the bag for her to read. My ex then contacted police and I'm due in court the day before my non melostation hearing, the 16th October charged with this pathetic breach. Since the order was put in place back in May, I've not ONCE contacted her by phone, text, social media or anything else, I've not been to the address or near anywhere I think she may be. Ive even rang schools etc to request a different time for parents evening etc so I do not breach coming into contact with her. She's pure evil and twisting the whole nature.
I've around 50 pages of evidence of text messages from herself, her mother, her sister admitting the things she's done to me via conversations, I've pictures of [censored] noses, marks from being pushed down the stairs, stab wound and a whole lot more that I'm glad I took at the times of abuse. Ive since been given a crime reference number as I've contacted police about her previous action and I've now as of 2 weeks ago made an official police statement and handed them a copy of my evidence and I'm waiting to hear what if any action they will take against her. The background I painted of her wasn't a good 1 and the whole truth and the statement took 2 hours. She has since had a guy in the house that has been staying over and I got wind of this via a friend so I reported this to the social services and they did a check on him and it came back as he posed a 'risk to children'. What kind of mother wouldn't do such checks as you legally can now, on somebody that is around the children before allowing him into the home. I could say there's more to what she has done but I'd be going on forever. I'm desperate for help with this pathetic breach of non melostation and also what to do at both court dates, 1 for breach and the other to contest the non melostation. She also has made me have supervised access once a week on a Saturday with my children due to her elder son being grabbed by me on the occasion stopping him from leaving the home. She has legal aid I do not and can't afford a solicitor. I'm at my wits end and she will end up getting away with lying to the courts and this simply isn't fair. Please please help, this is my last resort for advice guys.
Sorry about the long story and thank you if you have read this far.
Matt
Hi there
For the breach hearing, can you get a brief letter from your mother to explain what she did? Also a brief position statement from you, to explain how stringently you've adhered to the NMO and what happened with the note, as something you had no control over, be apologetic and reassure that it won't happen again. The statement shouldn't be any longer than 2 pages and without any attachments. State in the statement that you have a letter from your mother with you, which with the courts permission you would like to file with the court.
If you haven't been asked to provide a statement for the finding of fact, I would also advise that you prepare a brief position statement to take with you to the hearing. Again keeping it brief, just stick to telling the court about the abuse you have suffered, (a list of injuries with date) the fact that you have a crime reference number and that the children are involved with Children Services and are on the CP register.
What has happened to you is absolutely awful and I'm really glad that you have spoken out about it. I think it might be a good idea for you to contact Mankind Initiative, here's a link to their website, where you'll find a contact number, they may be able to help and direct you to services in your area.
www.mankind.org.uk
It might also help you to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where you'll get face to face support and advice. Here's a link to their website, with a list of meetings nationally, hopefully there will be one in your area.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
It must have taken a lot for you to tell your story, it takes courage, well done Matt.
All the best
Thank you so so much for actually reading my post, and thank you so very much for taking the time to reply to me plus with such great information, you've no idea how thankful I am and for somebody to actually listen to me, I'm so thankful and yes it's so difficult for me to speak out. I feel embarrassed as a man that I allowed all of this to happen to me. I just hope and pray that the judges see the truth from me rather than believe my ex's lies as she has a solicitor on her side. I believe if I tell the truth then that should shine through. Plus the breach of non molestation could land me in severe trouble but again as I'm telling the truth I hope ill be ok. I forgot to mention also that allcorrespomdence between myself and my ex has been via email or phone communication to her solicitor which ive numerous emails to prove that. It's literally I simple mix up but hopefully just get a warning to be more careful. I'm about to follow this links you've left for me, I'll keep the forum upto date with proceedings. Thank you so much once again, you've gave me a glimmer of hope.
Matt
Here's some links to info about how to structure statements and also a template that you can use.
www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/positionstatements.html
Template ~
www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/statement.html
www.mfjc.co.uk/home/mfjccou1/public_ftp/...ldren-March-2013.pdf
If you'd like someone to look over it, just drop one of the Moderators a private message... any one of us will be happy to help I'm sure.
All the best
You're very welcome Matt.
Feeling unable to speak up is far too common for a lot of men that are subjected to domestic violence, there is help out there and talking about it will help others find the courage to speak up too.
Best of luck
Thank you so so much once again you are a star, it's massively appreciated it really is.
I've just checked the papers issued by the courts from the last appearance and in reading it just now, as I've not heard anythi g to respond to from my ex partners solicitor or anything I've come across this as follows... "by 4pm on the 21st August 2018 the applicant must send to the court and the respondent a schedule of the allegations being made, limited to 6 most serious." Then it goes on to say that I must by 4pm on the 4th September 2018 the respondent must send a response using the same table a response to the allegations blah blah blah. Ive NOT at all received anything from the courts or solicitor to respond to!! As the courts do not have an address for me it also states these must be saved to the respondent! Now sure when um back in court on the 17th for the non molestation order, I've got nothing to answer to as I've not received anything! I just don't understand where I stand now, would this be something the courts will refuse now as the applicant and her solicitor have failed to follow the courts direction? Any help would be massively helpful. Thank you
What has been asked for is a Scott Schedule, which is basically a list of allegations with supporting evidence, with space for you to respond.
Does her solicitor have an address for you?
I'm not sure what is meant by being saved to the respondent, so seek clarification from the court. Give the court a call asap, explain that you've re read the court papers and you have just realised that you should have received a schedule of allegations (Scott Schedule) from the applicant on the 21st August, with a response from you to be filed on 4th Sept. tell them you haven't received anything and that her solicitor has your email address as a line of communication. Ask them for advice about this late filing.
Aside from the above, what are children's services doing with regards to your children - it sounds to me that they should not be living with your ex as they aren't safe at all. It seems to me that you should be living in the house with the children, and not her.
I'm so sorry I've been wondering if I'll get a reply and I've missed the above replies, thank you for replying once again. Yes the children should be living with me and I should be in the house but the social services are awaiting a police report from my allegations.
Update..... I've been in contact with her solicitor stating they have failed to follow the courts directions.... this morning I received this reply..
...
As you will see in the Court Order of 16th July 2018, we are awaiting police disclosure from Leicestershire Police and a letter from Leicester Children’s Services, which were meant to be filed by 7th August 2018. We required these documents to be filed in order to do our Scott Schedule and, as such, have not been able to do so. We propose, on the basis that these have not been filed just yet, that the Hearing next week is adjourned until these documents can all be filed. Do you agree with this?
So you are aware, I have further chased these documents and I am awaiting a response.(end)
I can only assume this is because after giving my lengthy statement to the police they contacted me back saying asking for more information, threats to kill me, weapons used etc... I informed them as per my evidence I handed in that yes the weapons were knives, bottles and a van to run me over, amongst other things. The officer in charge said it may go the the high risk domestic violence team. Now I can only assume that the police report for the non molestation order required by the courts hasn't been filed yet as my ex is under investigation by the police and are awaiting to see what they will charge her with there for can't complete there police report for the courts just yet. My ex nor her solicitor are even aware I've made my statement or anything yet.
So my question is do I agree with her solicitor to adjourn next week's court hearing or do I press ahead with it on the basis she has no evidence to prove her made up fabricated allegations against me and will the courts maybe decide to not grant her the non molestation order? I think I'm onto a winner here if I'm honest. When I'm in court I do not want to have to mention my police statement against her as I want a nice surprise for her when the police go knocking and arrest her. Thank you for your replies and I'll make sure I check this forum hourly from now on! Many thanks
Hi there
As the paperwork hasn’t been filed, I think it’s highly likely that there will be an adjournment you can push for the hearing to go ahead, but without the reports the courts will find it difficult to make a decision.
You could contact Leicester Children Services and ask about the late filing and you could do the same about the police disclosure, you would at least have that to hand.
Do you know if her solcitors have actually asked for an adjournment? Did you contact the court yourself about the late filing?
Thank you for your reply, no they have not asked to seek an adjournment yet, although they have asked me if I agree with the adjournment. I havnt tried yet but I DO NOT want it adjourned I want to press ahead with it. If it does go ahead surely there is no evidence to back up her wishes for a non molestation there for it won't be granted will it? I will contact the social services and police but I assume it's because of the seriousness of allegations I've made against her. The officer did state that my allegations are amongst the most serious and I have GOOD evidence to back it up and that her sergeant agreed. She also said it's highly likely that it will be passed to the CPS also, as yet I'm awaiting a response from the pics regarding this. Is it in my best interest to try and insist next week's hearing goes ahead rather than it being adjourned? Thank you
To be honest, as much as I can understand that you don’t want her or her solicitor to know about your recent statement to the police and the investigation, if you didn’t say anything about it, the court may want to know why you would withhold such an important development... it might be to your advantage to agree to an adjournment, if you didn’t want them to know at this point.
It’s better not to make assumptions, contact them (police and Children Services) for up to date information.
I’m not legally trained, I wouldn’t feel comfortable advising you about how to proceed, because of the very serious investigations that are underway.
I really do think you would benefit from proper legal advice, and as you are alleging domestic violence, you may be entitled to legal aid to pay for a solicitor, something that is worth looking into. If you have a case number, the solicitors may accept that initially.
We are in partnership with Dialogue First, who are offering a free telephone consultation with a fully trained lawyer, this might be something that you could use, I’ll get the link for you.
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