Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My wife and I separated in December 2023 after I had her arrested for non violent domestic abuse. The police didn't bring any charges and she was released without charge. I was offered very limited victim support by the police. Social services were contacted and I was interviewed. My wife declined to be interviewed.
We have been living at the same property since the initial arrest. I moved out of the house into a single room separate annex after living in the same house became too stressful for the children and us as parents.
In April of this year, my wife had me arrested for common assault which I was not charged with and released with no further action after 5 hours.
A week later, my wife text me to tell me that she had taken out an Ex Parte Non Molestation order and Occupation Order against me and that I should attend court within the hour. I was unable to attend the Ex Parte hearing and the judge ruled that a first hearing should be arranged 2 weeks later so I had the right to defend myself. I spent nearly £20k in legal fees in preparation and was eventually advised that agreeing to undertakings was my best option unless I could afford another £35K to go to a final hearing to have the NMO dismissed. Against my better judgement and not having the funds I agreed and the NMO & OO were dismissed based on me agreeing to the undertakings.
Since May of this year, we have been only permitted to communicate via the Our Family Wizard App about our children. All other communication was to be via solicitors. Throughout this time my wife has continually breached the terms of the undertakings by contacting me via OFW about matters not relating to our children. She continues to threaten me with calling the police to report any breaches she feels I have made if I respond to her messages and she doesn't get the answer she wants. I live in constant fear and intimidation.
The original orders were bought under false allegations but I wasn't able to afford to challenge her in court. This was entirely used to put her in a position to control the legal process during our divorce which is now underway. My question is can I report her for years of mental, financial and pyschological abuse or bring a counter NMO against her by going to the police? I can't afford to spend huge amounts on legal fees and what likelihood is there of getting a costs order for the £20K spent defending the original case?
I have suffered severe mental health issues since the original case in May 2024 and I'm at a point where I can no longer continue to tolerate her ongoing abuse and level of stress. The impact on my relationship with my chidren has also been hugely damaging.
Any advice or ideas where to turn would be appreciated.
hi,
sorry to hear this. £20k fees for non mol hearings is pretty outrageous. Courts will only make cost orders against a party if their conduct has been very unreasonable through proceedings. see:
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/seeking-costs-in-court/
I don't think making counter non mol will help your situation, and probably affect your mental health more.
what are your current arrangements for seeing children?
You can bring a counter claim if that is going to help the situation. As a victim of domestic abuse, you could try to find support from an organisation specialising in supporting victims of domestic abuse. They will be able to help you with the situation and explain how the process works. There is no way your wife should have contacted you to advise you of a court hearing. Google domestic abuse and you'll find support in your area. There are also some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website. You're very unlikely to get a costs order for defending the case as that would be deemed to inflame the situation. You could also contact mankind.org.uk and or the national domestic abuse helpline, both of which are national organisations. I suggest you don't respond to her messages that are not about the children. Keep a diary record of all incidences. You can apply to a court for a non molestation order against her. There is no fee and you apply on a FL401 form which can be obtained from the www.gov.uk website.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.