[Solved] Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum

Hi Ted, and welcome.

Unfortunately, this is all too familiar on here. Your first step is to try mediation (the courts will have expected you to try it if it goes to court) - try www.nfm.org.uk

Yup yet again another Mother stopping contact for no good reason, Mediation is your next step if you can't come to an agreement or your ex doesn't bother with it you will get an fm1 for so you can apply for a child arrangement order when yo will have to decide if you're going to use a solicitor or go it alone.

I would warn you all this takes time and you're going to have to prepare for not seeing your child for a long time, it's nearly 4 months since I seen my Daughter she's only 6 months old it's soul destroying and almost unbearable to live with.

Hi Ted and welcome

Good for you that you are prepared to do what it takes to be involved in your child's life.

Actd is right and mediation is the first step and since the new rules came in last week it's compulsory. If this fails then you can apply to court for contact. There have been some amends recently so you would be applying for a Child Arrangements Order, the forms are the same though as is the process more or less, check out the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section for more info about the court process.

I am going through the same thing but now im in my second stint. 1st was 8 months, so far now this time its 6 months. its destroying me emotionally, mentally and psychologically, but I have to remain in the thought my kids love me and i love them. they know this. Why women are so pursuant of destroying every bit of goodness a father has left inside of him. My ex has no control over me anymore and that is why she is doing this. do everything in your power to find for them because when i am emotionally stable i will be resuming my fight for my kids.

Stick in there Harry, it's absolute [censored] it's been 4 months for me so far I couldn't imagine to go 8 months but i've got a sinking feeling I'm going to find out what it's like, I just keep thinking I'm doing it for my daughter and her sister they deserve to be brought up better than being raised by an evil drunk who abuses them.

I want to be able to look them both in the eye when they are older and tell them i've fought tooth and nail for them.

May I ask are you going through court of haven't you got to that stage yet?

Hi there guy's, thank's for all your reply's.... Shame so many of us dad's have to go through this but I suppose it does help knowing that your not the only one and we can talk about it amongst ourselves ..
Just to give you an update of my situation, yesterday was 8 week's since I last saw my son and now he is 15 months old as of the 3rd may!!, since I last saw him Im pretty sure that I have missed out on his first proper step's and more than likely his first proper word.. I don't know how women can be so evil to just shut the door on your own child but I guess it's their only way of getting at you where in my case she know's all I want to do is see my son and be a father to him therefore she is obviously using this as a weapon agains't me the [censored]... Anyhow I had my first mediation session last Thursday and it went amazingly well, she made no effort to turn up and made up a lie saying that there had been domestic violence, utter bull!! even the mediator wasn't supposed to tell me that but he could judge from my character that it was advisable to let me know as his report prior to the session said that there was 0 history of any domestic violence, I think in her head she thought that this may long the process out and that she could do mediation when she feel's ready, what she didn't realise is that my mediator was amazing and had asked me if I had brought the c100 form with me for which I had so he went ahead and signed it off for me including the miam, which is now needed to apply for a court order!!.. So was well worth the £95 I had paid for the session!!! filled it all out, done my x 4 copies and put it through the court's post box the same evening...... Only annoying thing is that the court's are saying that it could take up in till September till I get a direction's hearing date as there is a massive back log of case's I will be on their back to try and speed thing's up as much as I can, as I will be representing myself it is only me that can pull the string's, One thing I did do though is on the c100 form there is a section to say wether you think that your case is urgent and I filled in that section explaining that it's already been 2 month's and it's causing major distress to myself and my family e.g my mum, (his nan) for which it is so hopefully the judge will see that and ask for this to be dealt with quickly, Does any of you know any other way''s to which this can be speeded up?? would be handy to know if you do!!!!

Just a couple of bit's of advice I would like to give for which I have been doing, speaking to families need father's / family lives - tel - 03000 300 363, children's legal centre - tel - 0808 802 0008
They both have been extremely helpful, can take a while to get through as they are extremely busy but well worth the perseverance if you do..

Also another thing I have done, as I have parental responsibility is now on two occasion's I have contacted the police for a welfare check on my son as I have know idea of how he is, what environment he is in and just how his general welfare is etc etc!! Being a concerned parent you are entitled to do this and will be in your interest to do so, these will be logged showing that you have concern and that you have been making an effort, something else I have been doing is getting good character references together for when it does go to court just in case the [censored] try's it making up stuff to go in favour... All you father's keep a log of everything you do and think before you do anything!!!

Hope some of the thing's I have said help's some of you going through the same thing

take it easy

Ted

I thought this might be helpful and if you scroll down to section 14 on page 15 you will see that the recommendation is to have the first hearing on the 5th week after the application is lodged with the court. This may give you a basis for getting a date before September!

www.familylaw.co.uk/system/uploads/attachments/0008/5097/PD_12B_CAP.pdf

Ted - This sounds like a carbon copy of my situation my ex has acted in exactly the same way I've done the same as you and had my directions hearing last week, Nothing prepares you for the shock of your ex refusing mediation because she says she scared of you does it?

Be prepared that the courts are going to believe your ex's every word and you are going to be on the back foot my ex got separate waiting area and she nearly collapsed in court when she saw me it was honestly worth an oscar I've hardly raised my voice to her and certainly never laid a finger on her but the court and cafcass kept mentioning how I couldn't have contact to see my girls because my ex was so scared of me it was almost comical.

I too reported my concerns about my ex's drinking and her abusing one of the girls to the police, social sevices and NSPCC but that too got used against me it said in the section 2 report from cafcass that I was pushy and basically harassing the police ect it sort of made me out to be controlling so I'd be careful about making to many reports.

My daughter is 6 months and ive not seen her in 4 months is a killer missing out on everything like you say I've heard she's rolling over sitting up now and apparently she's really cute, this is the longest I've not seen her sister in nearly 6 years too but at least once its all sorted the mum shouldn't be able to mess me about at her whim.

If you get any pointers on how to speed things up let us know on here mate 🙂

I have slipped into a real bout of severe depression over the last month or so, may have to take time off work....dont feel I am in the right frame of mind to go to court and i also cant afford the £250.00 fees to make the application. It is so difficult because my partner now controls everything I do and spend so now in a really difficult bind whether walk away from this marriage aswell as i want to be on my own. Women are so nasty and devious and ruin every man to their own ends. It kills me to think my kids could grow up in a world such as this.

Harry Mate,

First and foremost start thinking about yourself man, try and eat well sleep well maybe do some exercise, go and see your doctor tell him how you are feeling, get yourself right before you think about court.

I've been up and down like a yo yo feeling a lot like you are explaining, I've been in some right states over the past 14 months I was in floods of tears most of the day yesterday!

I felt the same and on advice from everyone did't have time off work as thats what keeps the money coming in and I hammered the overtime this year just to take my mind off things, not only did it keep my mind busy it sorted my finances out and they think I'm the golden boy in the office haha.

Seriously though you've got to keep yourself busy else you think about everything and make yourself worse, everyday is still a battle for me I'm sometimes taking every hour as it comes.

keep your chin up mate and keep posting and keep us informed how you are doing.

Slim 🙂

Hey slimothy thanx for your reply, some good advice, its just difficult motivating myself to move forward. Feels like I am in this deep ravine with no means of escape. However, I am going to do everything I can do fight my way out of this because not seeing my littel boy and girl is tearing me apart inside. All I live and work for is them, and not seeing them makes life sometimes seem worthless.

Only other things is I don't have any friends or close people by to turn too. No mates to go for a lads drink and banter. wish i had that, but I lost them all through my ex wife. Don't know where to turn too wish there was some support groups for separated dads.