[Solved] Newbie/About Me

hi,

welcome. All i see is your username daddyup. do not see anything that identifies you personally. feel free to reply here and post your questions/situation....

Hi, I'm a moderator and I've checked - your email address isn't visible to anyone other than admin/moderators on here. Try to keep information vague where you can, and don't mention names or places, and you should be fine.

Hi both, thanks for replying.

So after separating with my wife of 20 years, I was issued with a NMO and OccO (both expired), then convicted of DV (i'm not playing this down, things could have gone either way on a knife edge), a 2 year restraining order on conviction (live) and currently serving a community order (with a requirement to do BBR) I am at the position where through the period of separation I have been seeing the kids (facilitated by both of our parents for the good of the kids who are 11,9 and 7 years old,) both physically and also via recorded video calls (all 3 kids know how to use an ipad to call me etc) and I now need some advice on how to move things forward. I see the kids every 3 to 4 weeks depending on when our parents (children's grandparents) are available to facilitate contact. One of her parents drops the kids off with my mum (my ex has insisted that it is supported contact with my mum always present which we respect considering the circumstances in that I am in no position to challenge). We started with Video calls, the kids then started to ask my ex and her parents that they wanted to see me and were playing up so ex via her parents contacted my mum to arrange contact.

I have no breaches or any attempted breaches of NMO or the Restraining Order due to the situation. I was told categorically that if I breached then or now that it can be arrest and prison (potentially on remand) and to never breach them as the examples can be used against me further down the line. eg totally stop the contact that I do currently have. TBH I have not intention of wanting to contact my ex ever again.

To date I have not made any court applications for custody or resolve the marriage via divorce as I was advised that whilst I was on bail CAFCASS would not consider any contact and now that my case has concluded CAFCASS will not consider any contact until I have completed BBR. So I've had to accept whatever contact and whenever my mum and my ex's parents can arrange contact. (The RO allows for the parents to speak to each other in relation to child contact).

Unfortunately Covid19 has meant that I cannot complete BBR and there is a possibility that my Community Order will be extended until I have completed it. Thus delaying dealing with matters with CAFCASS and the courts.

The matters that I need to deal with and need support on are (my situation is really complex however I've had to come to terms with a lot of things, I've also made a lot of changes in order to be able to move on with my life including not being suicidal etc):

- Child Contact - As I have been seeing the kids both physically and over Skype, do I have to wait to complete BBR even though could be middle of next year before it runs again before applying to the courts for a CAO which gives me unsupported access on a fixed timescale basis? Or will after a period of time things be considered historic and so i can just make an application? Especially if I am currently seeing the kids and just want to rubber stamp the existing contact so that it cannot be withheld in future due to issues resolving CMS/Divorce etc.

- CMS - I was paying to my ex, however lost my job due to conviction and am now unemployed, however my ex is wanting more money as she is unemployed. I'm trying where I can but I can only afford the CMS amount and so pay that or a little bit more.

- Divorce - I can't use any of the reasons to file for divorce I don't think and my ex is not rushing to do so as she wants to live in the FMH as long as possible. FMH may have to be sold etc. What do you think?

- Legal Support - I do have a solicitor that I pay for and therefore keep use to a minimum. I am also aware of exactly how and why a solicitor would charge and therefore ensure that I am not 'played' by them in order to increase fees. Do I need a McKenzie Friend or is it easy enough to be a LIT? I'm thinking to do so until any final hearing and then use a MF? What advice would you give to me?

- Financials - my solicitor has suggested getting the ball rolling by completing Form E, is this sensible? He has suggested they will complete it but I know this will cost and instead I've suggested I will complete it and put together the evidence and then they can exchange with my ex's solicitor. What do you think?

I feel that i could be mired in the Family Courts for the next few years and cannot see a way to resolve things any quicker. My eldest has made it clear to me they want to see me on a regular basis, I don't have a lot of money, I have been homeless, suffered from severe mental health issues over the past 15 years and am struggling financially.

I'm not looking for pity and I know many will judge me. However, I would really appreciate some advice, especially for my 3 kids. Also should I break up my questions into different topics? Or is it fine here?

Thanks

Daddyup

hi,

with your child contact, what is it like? do you spend a day with kids
or they stay overnight with you? sorry but what is BBR?

Hi Bill,

When having contact I usually have the kids from 2 hours upto 6 hours. There are no restrictions on what we can do, i just have to keep in mind my mum getting about (she has to be there). So we go out for meals/cinema/days out to national trust parks/hikes etc I have friends who have kids and I've met up with them and gone to the park etc. I do have to keep in mind cost and usually try to do anything that is free. My kids are of an age where

BBR - Building Better Relationships programme. DV course like DAPP via Cafcass except this is ordered by the court as part of my community order. Takes the same amount of time as DAPP but there is no mid way report so I have to complete it before a report is produced that I can use for Cafcass.

Thanks

Daddyup

PS no overnight stays. I have discussed with my mum however the impression she gets from Ex's parents is that the time isn't right yet. She doesn't want to rock the boat and impact existing contact..

My kids are of an age where they can say what we did and so I have to be mindful of this and plan the day.

Hi Fellow Dads

Can anyone advise on the below?:

- Child Contact - As I have been seeing the kids both physically and over Skype, do I have to wait to complete BBR (DV Course) even though it could be middle of next year before it runs again before applying to the courts for a CAO which gives me unsupported access? Or will after a period of time things be considered historic and so i can just make an application? Especially if I am currently seeing the kids and just want to rubber stamp the existing contact so that it cannot be withheld in future due to issues resolving CMS/Divorce/Financials etc.

Thanks for your help.

hi,

found info on other site, where dads doing those courses. cafcass advised to complete course first, then apply to court for contact:

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-8886-post-42512.html#pid42512

Ah bummer, thanks Bill... Covid19 came at the wrong time as I was on track to complete the course over the next few months, now it could be well into next year. The courses are run in groups in person and there are no plans to run them virtually. Just glad I have some contact which is more than many fathers.

yep its great that your still getting to see your kids, though its not as much as you would like. worst thing that can happen now is if you rock the boat by putting in a c100. ex will likely get more hostile and stop all contact. court could also tell you that you can't see kids until you complete the course.