[Solved] New to the forum, looking for help 🙂

Hi 1989 camaro,

Yes, I did mean a Court Order when I said 'order'. Being on the birth certificate clarifies your Parental responsibility, and your rights to be involved with your child. I did go through a Barrister at court (cost a bit over a grand if I remember correctly), because my self-confidence had completely eroded after years of struggle to have a proper say in my son's life, and I was sure I'd make a hash of it. However, I do know now that there is some excellent support and advice links in this forum about how to self-represent at court, which should keep costs to the minimal. I think the general consensus on this forum is it's best to avoid Fathers for Justice, as (in my understanding) they are a bit 'Cause' heavy, as opposed to being moderate in approach.

A good alternative to look at for extra support is Families Need Fathers. They have on-line support and advice, as well as monthly support groups (though I'm assuming these may be suspended in the current circumstances).

yep I would avoid fathers for justice. there was one member who came on here last year, and gave out funky advice to distressed dads. like if you go to court, you only have 10% chance of seeing kids. lol. they hold odd views like don't go to court. wait till the child is older.

Yeah I haven't heard the best reviews about Fathers for Justice...

Would we have to attend family mediation even if my ex is needing the issue revising quickly so they can get going asap?

I read we would have to attend at least 1 meeting of family mediation but she seems to think different.

I would say yes - you would need to attend mediation. Your ex might want to resolve this quickly, but unless she's open to staying put, or you're okay with her moving (or you're able to find some middle ground acceptable to both parties) then there is no quick resolution. The onus is pretty much on her at the moment, as she's the one who is trying to bring about a substantial change in existing arrangements. If you're on a low income, you should be able to qualify for Legal Aid, in which case Mediation would be free for you. Family Court expects mediation to have been tried before cases are put before it. If agreement can't be reached in mediation, the Mediator will sign it off and the matter can progress on to court.

Thank you Toks, your advice has been really helpful.

🙂

I'm not sure what the effect of lockdown might be currently having on the mediation services, but I do know the ones I went to did use large enough rooms that would've ensured a two metres distance between 3 people.

You can do remote mediation. It was always a thing before the pandemic too - for people over long distances.

Yeah, I did wonder how they are going to push this so quickly especially with the current virus situation we are facing..

I know you said to avoid Fathers for Justice which I think I am going to do but I've been told they offer a £100 phone call, do you think that they would provide me with any new useful information that you guys haven't already given me?

I think I'm going to wait until my ex decides to make the first move, then reply with a prohibited steps order?
Then I assume it would go to court where I would then need to probably find a barrister and fight my case.

Am I on the right tracks here?

Thanks lads

don't waste £100 with fathers for justice. if you think your ex is being honest and will not do a runner before applying to court, then wait for her to start court proceeding. one thing you can try do is talk to police. ask is it possible to send out an alert or bulletin at borders, airports. so if your ex tries to leave with child all of a sudden, they will get stopped.

What the police will do

The police can issue something called a ‘port alert’, which will stop the child being taken out of the country.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/making-agreements-about-your-children/your-ex-partner-is-taking-your-children-without-consent/

Hi again,

It's really up to you to make your own mind up about Fathers For Justice - I've had no dealings with them whatsoever, but having read about them for years, I think their time was probably at the beginning of this century, when they brought to wider public attention how heavily weighted in favour of mothers family law was (and to some extent still is), but I must say a lot of people were put off by tactics used, including myself. My personal opinion is they haven't moved with the times and remain rooted in 2001. As I've said in an earlier post, if you're looking for additional advice / a 2nd opinion, give Families Need Fathers (FNF) a try. When I was going through my court case I used both these forums and found them useful and complementary.

As said earlier also, it boils down to how much you trust your ex as to when you put in for Prohibited Steps. I didn't trust my kid's mum which is why I made the application for this as soon as I was able to. If your ex goes down the proper route, she will have to try mediation with you, which may take 2 or 3 sessions. If the mediation fails, (and she is again following the correct procedures) she will most likely make a paid application to court for this matter to be resolved there. Within your response to her application, I believe you will be able to to request that Prohibited Steps are also included for the duration of the case, to prevent her just moving (I'm not 100% sure that this will be free, as in my case, I was the 'Applicant', whereas in this scenario, you would be the 'Respondent'). I have heard about the use of 'Port Alerts' for flight risks, but I'd say if you get to the point of using this, you might as well be making an application for Prohibited Steps anyway.

You can choose to self-represent at court to save on costs, but you should definitely get advice before doing this. This forum and FNF provide support on this. Some people pay for a Solicitor to do all the pre-court stuff and then self-represent. Some people have a Solicitor do all the pre-court stuff and have a barrister on the day of the hearing. It's up to you and your finances which option you follow.

Thanks again Toks for your in depth reply, your advice has been really helpful I cannot thank you enough.

The same goes for all who took the time to reply to my call for help and advice, I am very grateful for you all and to know you are here for support is very reassuring.

What an amazing forum!
🙂

No worries - we've all been through it / are going through it to varying degrees, and we're all here to share experiences and knowledge, and to support each other.