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Hello
I am new to this site and I very much need some advice please. I have a daughter who is 7, I was in a relationship with her mother, then she left me, but 4 months after we had split up she told me she was 4 months pregnant with my child. We didn't get back together but stayed in touch until the baby was born, living 80 miles away from each other. The baby was born and myself, my mum and my sister went to visit her and I held her only once. The mother after a few weeks decided she didn't want any contact with my family or myself and didn't want any money from me, just nothing! she and her family wouldn't return any emails or phone calls, any gifts we sent would get sent back and she replied only once to my Mother saying that I was just a sperm donor and that was it.
This had been the case for several years, until the mother and my daughter moved near to me and she then got in touch with me saying I had to pay child support . We agreed an amount which to this day I pay by D/D to the mother. I am still not able to see my daughter and any contact is ignored, she refuses any contact from my mother, my daughters grandmother, but is happy to have my money each month. I am about to buy a house with my new partner and she is my driving force to reach out and try to get to know my daughter. Please can someone advise me on my rights...do i just stop paying? and demand to see my daughter ( a total stranger) which will confuse her? does my ex girlfriend have the right to just take my money and blank me? so many questions?
Hi There,
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You do have rights to see your daughter, and hopefully we can help you to get there.
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Firstly though don't stop paying your ex child maintenance, this is a different issue to contact and the two things should never be considered in the same way, you may never see your daughter but you are still liable to pay towards her up bringing.
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The first thing you would need to do would be to try mediation, if you contact a mediator they will ask you to attend and then invite your ex along aswell (seperately) before you start to meet together, if your ex won't attend or if she does and you can't agree then the mediator will sign the court application so that you can submit it, this is the 2nd stage, you have to try mediation before you can apply to court.
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GTTS
Some good advice from GTTS....here's a link to the mediation service
www.nfm.org.uk
Your daughter deserves to have you in her life and you are fortunate to have a partner that is so supportive. Because you haven't been allowed to form any bond with your child, it will take time to get to that point. It's likely that the court will want to take things slowly for your daughters sake and this might take the form of letters only to begin with and then contact in a contact centre.....of course there's alway the hope that the mother will realise that it's not about what either of you as parents want, it's your child's right to have both parents involved in her life.
If you aren't named on the birth certificate you should also apply for Parental Responsibility. We will do all we can to advise and support you and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask away.
All the best
Well thank you for your advice, and no I won't stop paying I know I have too. There is no way my ex will ever go to mediation it really is a absolute no go, I have no contact numbers for her or address i just know she lives in the same town as me now, via my sister who's told me before my ex blocked all my family on fb! She's even blocked my girlfriend so I'm guessing she's always one step ahead. My ex suffers from bipolar and going down any contact path has always been a careful process, but I'm at the stage in my life where I'm settled, I'm not a lad or anything my ex thought I was, I'm buying a house and making a will taking out life cover and all the grown up stuff... And I want to include my daughter in these processes. I'm aware she's a stranger and the letters I have written to her in the beginning via her mother and been torn up and put in the bin. I've tried to reach out but it stresses me out and I find it hard to fight my emotions I don't cry, but inside I'm crying. Will all this cost loads of money? Mediators and courts? I'm scared to do the right or wrong thing? Do I fight for my right? Or let her win and when my daughters finds me she will already have a bad picture in her head?
Hi There,
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If you don't know where your ex lives you can send in a C4 (I think) form with the C100 application form (once mediation has been attempted) the C4 form is a seek and find, and the courts will use the powers they habe to find where your ex lives.
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If you try mediation and your ex won't attend then the mediator will just sign the application form for you, there will be costs involved with this and each charge differently so ensure you ask about costs when you start looking for a suitable mediator.
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The application fee for court is £215 and that is all you would pay if you represented yourself through court which is easier than you would think, many of us have done this and come out the other side with good results.
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GTTS
As GTTS advises, call round a few mediators to get the best price, explain that you can't give them an address as you don't have one but you wish to apply for a C4 Seek and Find order and a C100 Child Arrangements Order at the same time. Explain that your ex has refused to allow any contact whatsoever since your child was born and that in this case mediation would be ineffectual...ask them to sign the C100 form off,there will be a charge for that.
Best of luck
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