New to forum introduction.

Hi all,

i hope you all are well, I'm new here and thought i would start by introducing myself and a bit of my story here. I'm not sure what it is i expect to get from this forum but i am desperate and really beginning to lose all hope and any will to keep on fighting any longer....

My names Nick, i am 36 years old i have 3 beautiful children who i adore more than life itself. i have a son and daughter, 14 and 12, to a previous relationship and a very new and shiny 13 week old son.

Probably needless to say, but the 14 and 12 year old from previous relationship are the issue. Well, they are not actually, they are perfect, their mother is the issue. 

Here we go, forgive me if i go on a bit, i will try to keep it as short as possible and not go into too much detail;

myself and ex-partner separated 5 years ago, i ended the relationship and left the family home, my reasons for this? We clashed, we just did not work in the end. whether this be the stresses of life, work, parenting from a young age I'm not sure, but it resulted in daily arguing, raised voices, nasty things being said and then awkward atmospheres. never any physical violence i may add. i had watched the children witness this and get upset too many times to allow it to continue so i decided to leave for their sake. i did not make this decision lightly and it took me 2 years after making my mind up to actually find the courage to leave. i knew the reaction and behavior that this would lead to in my ex-partner. she is not a very pleasant person.

At first it wasn't too bad, after the initial rage and insults from her, she realised i was serious and was being extra nice to try and get me to come back, but i could not, especially after my, at the time, 9 year old son said to me this is so much better now dad. i knew i had made the right decision. so while she was working towards trying to get me to come home i had the children every weekend. there was no issue, i was temporarily staying at my mothers while paying the mortgage at the family home until i could find somewhere else more permanent, this went on for 2 years by the way. i was paying mortgage and sending her money for the children's needs. this was before she realised i wasn't coming back and she found out about Child maintenance. she had gained the information that; the less i see the children the more money she gets! 

she began to alienate the children from me, i would buy them phones so that i could speak to them as she told me if i turned up at the house or rang her phone she would call the police, i did not want the children witnessing this, but then the phones i would buy would be 'lost' or 'break'. then we had covid and the lock downs. although government guidelines stated that children to separated couples could still travel between homes she decided this was not happening and i did not see or speak to my children for about 3 months. i finally lost patience and turned up at the house for her to call the police on me and the police told me to leave. 

this was the final straw so i sought a court order. i begged, borrowed and sold everything to raise the funds. i asked for 50/50 shared care, once all was done and i was £12,000 out of pocket i was only granted every other weekend and a mid week tea. please bare i mind, i have no criminal record, no history of any violence, have held a respectable stable job since leaving school, aways owned my own home, cars etc, not as much a parking ticket, so absolutely no reason to be denied shared care of my children. my only downfall? a father and not a mother apparently as they seem to do what they like and get away with it.

when i took her to court she could not afford legal representation so was told by somebody that if she claimed domestic violence she would be awarded legal aid for free..... so this is what she did. no proof, no history of any sorts of any violence but she claimed it. she was not questioned on it or asked for any proof just allowed to tarnish my name for her own gain. i questioned the courts and cafcass on this, luckily my job does not involve the care of children or elderly as if it did i fear i may of lost my job, i told them i want to pursue her on the ground of defamation of character or slander, as this was all compete lies. their response?? "is this the best way to spend your energy"!! i was absolutely gob smacked that this would be allowed, tolerated and almost encouraged!! 

Anyway, court order was issued and from day one she has not paid a blind bit of attention to it, luckily my son is older now and he demands he sees me and we have a great relationship but my daughter is younger and her mother uses emotional black mail and bullying to keep her from me. i have not seen my little girl for over a year, and we used to be very very close. a child does not all of a sudden decide that's it i don't want to see my dad anymore, the dad who's always been a constant in my life, the dad who i have always been so close to, without the influence of a sick and twisted individual!

When i try and challenge the court order with CM or any tribunals i am just told to take it back to court. i cannot afford to go back to court and as i have basic morals and principles, i will not lie about domestic abuse for financial gain. 

i am constantly faced with tribunal after tribunal. i have never missed a single payment the CM tell me to pay and always pay the exact amount i am told to. i earn PAYE so they work out the amounts, not me. 

the court order i have isn't worth the paper its written on and nobody at the CM seems to have any common sense and it would appear a mentally unstable mother can do as she pleases regardless of the damage or effect it has on the children. 

me ex partner is clearly mentally unstable, i have never known anybody to behave in this way. she has my daughter in counselling every week for either mental health issues or eating disorders. there always seems to be something, this was never the case when i was in her life. she was such a bubbly, confident and happy little girl, her mother has destroyed her, it pains me to think of how sad she has become. im not sure if the mother uses this to claim for more benefits for having a 'damaged' child?! all i know is my daughter is suffering and the organisations in this country who are supposed to deal with this stuff only care about taking money from me and giving it to her lunatic mother. not one of them seems to have an employee with any common sense or empathy. i had heard all the horror stories but never thought they could all be as bad as they sounded, but now i know!! why are low life mothers encouraged to ruin relationships between fathers and their children and even rewarded for it with money!?

how do i stop all this? the stress is having an impact on my mental and physical health and everybody around me is suffering as i am not much company because i am constantly depressed!!! i have a new born son who i should be enjoying but i cannot stop worrying about my daughter, CM, tribunals, court orders, having enough wages left to pay the mortgage or bills or food shop!! when does it end?! HELP!