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Hi everyone...
I'm new to this...and would love tips...my family and friends are fed up of the disharmony and I think they are board of me asking them.
I'm a dad of three kids - 6, 4 and 2. My wife has been asking to separate for 18 months - I've been fighting it saying we have so much, lets try to work at it. It's resulted in awful things happening now...her parents hate me, she's referred me and our family to social services (they did not take the case on and have said there's no action needed), she's alleged emotional abuse (we've spent ages talking about this - I feel battered - essentially if she says she gets upset about the way we speak to each other, then it is) and last week she told me she wants to start proceedings. She's gone really really hyper and happy - and started contacting all her friends, and some of mine, and I'm feeling really isolated. She's been so horrid for the last 18 months - ignoring me in front of the kids, not taking anything I say on board, not including me, if I say anything or have an opinion I'm controlling - it's like I'm being controlled/thrown out/invisible. It's like I'm this terrible monster.
I've had legal advice.
We live in the same house.
I am the bread winner, she works very part time.
We have a big mortgage, with some equity, and little savings. The house would make a big loss if we sold it.
What do I do? Take out a massive mortgage to try and buy her out but then where will she go? I'd then be left with a bigger loss but the kids would have stability. She's agreed to 50:50 childcare - but I'd need to use after school clubs which our school doesn't have. What do we do in this interim? We're still in the same bed. She wants to parent separetly, but weekends are hard with the three kids and lonely without.
It's rubbish. Why make a commitment then go back on it.
Hi there
I'm really sorry that you're going through this, have you suggested couples counselling? Although I must be honest, her behaviour towards you and the fact that it's beeen going on for so long doesn't look good I'm afraid. However it might help you to come to terms with what's happening, here's a link to Relate who offer telephone consultations, as well as online and face to face support
www.relate.org.uk
At the moment, it's in your best interests not to leave the marital home, perhaps a move into another bedroom might help ease some tension, but don't leave! Get some proper legal advice about your financial position, it doesn't sound like she is in a position to take over the mortgage and if the relationship can't be repaired, then selling would probably be the best solution for you all.
At the moment things must seem bleak, there's little point in dwelling on the unfairness of it all, or indeed worrying about the future; concentrate on the here and now, get advice and try and keep your self strong.
All the best
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