[Solved] New member - Father of 4

Hello there Dads,

It shames me to be powerless against the government's broken maintenance system, created by malformed policy, which has led to such interference in our relationships with our children that causes us to suffer so much pain.

I am not a weak man;I stand up to my problems and solve them as best as I can. I am not one who is easily pushed around and bullied. To that end, the powerlessness I feel in regards to access to my sons and the ease with which the Child Maintenance Service can knowingly and eagerly support a manipulative resident parent with the financial destruction of a new, strong, family unit is utterly damaging.

I am a father of 4 children - I have 2 sons with my ex-wife, aged 7 and 8, and 2 daughters with my current wife, aged 18 months and a step-daughter aged 5. I would very much like to play a part in the upbringing of my sons - I would like to be a strong role model for them, so that they may see an alternative way of living that is different to that of their mother. I want them to recognise the value of hard work and forbearance of small hardships, that they might grow to be well mannered men that I can be proud of. I would hope that they would choose a path in life that leads to happiness and success (particularly in regards to education) and encourage in them a drive to improve their lot.

The reality is that I am a cash point for their mother and of little use, in her opinion, in the life of our children, I am obliged to pay child maintenance, an obligation I do not reject outright, despite the fact that I am pushed below the poverty line and am unable to afford to see my children AND pay maintenance. As they live 200 miles away from me a full weekend of visitation requires an 800 mile total mileage plus the normal living costs associated with 8 year old children.

There appears to be no publicly accessible source of the rules around variations for travel costs available for fathers to fall back on. There's no acknowledgement of the costs of living and no rights afforded to fathers other than the right to pay.
The fact that contact and maintenance are so entirely separated is a fundamental flaw in the system of estranged family management that seems entirely weighted towards resident parents. How on earth am I supposed to tolerate this repeated abuse, the constant manipulation of the system and threats (and the reality) of withdrawn access, with the resident parent fully aware of my limited ability to make use of the costly legal system in seeking redress.

It feels like a man must be punished for 18 years for falling in love with a horrid c*** and then willingly bend over to take the full, brutal girth of the family legal system when he seeks happiness for himself and a better life for his children by ending a broken relationship.

Why is no value afforded to a paternal relationship? Why must we suffer as we do? I have had 8 years of psychological abuse from my ex-wife in regards to the damge she is able to inflict on me through manipulation of the relationship I should have with my sons, with the support of the CSA and the CMS. The bunch of bastards.

Im sorry to have vented so much here, but I only discovered this forum today, and I am amazed to discover that I am not the only father that's suffering.

I must continue to suffer in some form of silence, and submit myself to my own inability to do anything to improve the situation for me and my sons.