[Solved] new guy

Basically we agreed (privately) that I would have the boys 8 times (overnight) in a month, -every wednesday fixed, and as and when on top of this. This has dwindled and I usually only get to see them on the wednesday (pick up from school, take to school in the morning) and this is nowhere near enough. I want to increase my time with them but the mother won't even talk to me. Is going through the courts the only way to formalise things?

Yes we have joint PR. She talks to my mother but is very manipulative and puts doubts in my mums mind. I would rather she didn't speak to my mum. I just need a way to make her stick to what she says. Thanks for the help I'll look up the form c100.

Hi Theodore1 and welcome 🙂

Going to court for contact is usually a last resort when all else has failed. It might be worth trying mediation first, I'll supply a link to their website at the bottom of this post. Mediation is where you both attend a set of meetings at a mediation centre, and with the guidance of a trained mediator talk through all the issues, and hopefully come to an agreement that you are both happy with. There is a fee for this service, unless you are unemployed or on a low wage, in which case the charges will be covered by Legal Aid.

If you apply to the courts for contact without first trying to reach an agreement through mediation, the judge will most likely send you both away for court order mediation anyway, so its better to have ticked that box before asking for the courts intervention.

Perhaps your ex isn't aware of the rights that both parents have, you could remind her that your children have a right to have both parents in their lives. If she realizes how seriously you take your responsibilities and that you are prepared to go to court for a defined order if necassary, she may back down.

Good luck with everything 🙂

www.nfm.org.uk

We have tried mediation when we split 5 yrs ago, we both had a list of things each of us agreed to do and she completely ignorned it after the mediation had finished. I have lost all trust and patience with her. Over time she has proved herself to be duplicitous and simply tell lies. I don't want to go down the legal route but think it may be all she will respond to.

...The only options open to you are mediation or court I'm afraid....However I would say that the bond you have with your children and the fact that you have them overnight once a week is a big plus as far as getting increased contact is concerned. Although theres no set amount for contact, the average is a full weekend every fortnight and a day during the week, every week. Although the agreement between you and your ex was an informal one and not enforcable, you can still present it to the court as something that you both agreed was appropriate at the time.