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hello every on im looking to get some advice
last month me and my partner at the time had a heated argument that lead to her leaving the family home with another guy that at the time she had only said he was a friend anyway after the argument she had left with him and at the time they were both drunk but this still did not stop them getting in the car and driving off.
for a whole week I heard nothing from her and during that week the guy she had run off with had been reported missing this lead to the police coming to the home banging on the door at the time I was not there I was myself in the hospital dealing with my own mental health breakdown.
At that time my neighbour was looking after the flat the police had demanded entry to the flat my neighbour complied to the request were police stated that they were in search of a missing person who was last seen with my ex and was also concerned about our son who is just over one years of age.
They had believed that my son was abandoned and left in the home and was very confused when my neighbour had told the officer that my son was with me his dad they had originally thought that my ex-was a single mother living at home and that my son never had contact with me this had caused a lot of hassle.
For the next week the police had kept banging on the door looking for the guy whom she had run off with when the police finally caught up with me they had done a welfare check on my ex and a recording of the property and had decided that my ex-was not fit to be a parent and that it was too dangerous for my son to be in the home and I was given the choice to either go back to the home and have my son taken away and removed from my care or to stay away and keep him safe I chose the option to keep my son away from the home and away from his mum.
social services are now involved and it has been a very stressful month my ex is a very heavy drinker who during the pregnancy would drink go off for days and do drugs I had tried my hardest in our 3-year relationship to give her all the help I could but ultimately I got no were with her.
during the last year she has constantly been out for day drinking heavily to not hear from her for days at a time where after 3 or 4 days she would turn up late at night just to sleep and then go back out the next day occasionally she would stay home for a week sometimes two.
the guy who she had run off with has already moved into her place and is clearly in a relationship, not even a day had passed when she had finally been told about the situation and already has moved on.
this guy is a heavy drinker himself and a drug user including crack I have expressed to social services that although I would like my son to have contact with his mum I do not what that to happen while she is in contact and in a relationship with people that are a heavy drinker or drug users
I am extremely worried about my ex as she does suffer from mental health and is easily manipulated
I want her to be a huge part of my son's life for as long as she has no contact with people who use drugs and drink
I honestly don't know what to do in this situation my son's safety is of the utmost importance to as well as the relationship between him and his mum
I'm struggling with this whole situation a great deal
and surly social is not going to take a liking to her moving on so fast she has said to police and the health visitor that she is getting help but I fear that while she is getting help and she is going to meetings that its all just a cover to allow people to believe she is trying to do better and that once shes aloud contact again that she will start drinking heavily again
her neighbours have already expressed their concerns to me and have told me that all they can hear is shouting between her and this guy and that she is still heavily drinking and all the bins are filled with empty bottles and cans
I honestly don't know where I stand in this situation and what I should do and like I said previously I want there to be a relationship between my son and his mum
Hi there,
It’s a difficult situation for you and your child, but to be honest, your only priority is your son and his safety and whilst his mother Drinking heavily and possibly taking drugs, she isn’t fit to care for your child.
Has she expressed a wish to have contact with your son? I would follow the advice from Social Services, perhaps in the future, it might be possible to resume contact, but I feel that would need to be supervised in a contact centre and her alcohol consumption would need to be tested before each contact could take place.
It’s still early days, let things settle down and concentrate on your child’s need for now.
All the best
she has expressed a wish to see her son but she has consistently made it difficult I'm following all the advice and recommendations given to me from the police and social services I am told that I am to be present at all times when my sons mum wishes to see to him she has refused to show up on every occasion her excuse is always the same that she doesn't want to see me.
on the odd occasions, she has messaged me asking to see her son but this has always been at a time that she knows is his bedtime keeping my son in a routine is important and no to her and has asked her to start making arrangements earlier in the day
my biggest fear is that she won't ever change her ways and ultimately our son could end up growing up not having contact with his mum
at the moment she is going to add action she has been going to mental health meeting and all of that is great and looks good but still means nothing if she is still doing drugs and drinking between meeting
she also hasn't shown that her son is the top priority to her as she has been away on several trips and events she has also been on dates and she already has this guy living with her within days of all of this started she has stated she is not in a relationship
to myself that doesn't show that she our son her top priority
she has asked if this new guy could be apart of her meetings with social and, to be honest I am hugely against this I do not want my son to have any sort of contact with him or anyone else what so ever I will not allow my son to be around anyone associated around drugs especially people who have a history of crack usage
I think you're doing all that you can, try not to overthink the situation, just concentrate on what is best for your son and don't think too much about the what ifs.
You understand what your son needs and the authorities are behind you, just make sure you are always calm when you are in discussions with them and share your concerns about the new boyfriend.
All the best
Thank you for the advice
I have a social worker coming tomorrow to check on my son and how I'm coping with things
He is then going to see my ex after and she wants her new guy to be apart of the conversation
I am extremely against this and was wondering if I could stop social Services in engaging with him I will not allow my son to go any were near him He is a heavy alcoholic and drug user including crack usage and has on many times been drink driving several occasions has crashed his car with my ex in the passenger seat
My ex is also going down the route of trying to make false accusations of domestic abuse she had already told an officer the bruises she had was from her falling from a tree a few weeks back while she was drunk the officer could see that they was fresh and that I have had no face to face contact with her since this has all started
I really doubt that social services will take any accusation from her seriously, so you need to concentrate on your son's welfare and safety. Don't worry about her having contact - I think that's a long way off, as your ex sounds like her first priority are drink and drugs, and however much you want that to change, it's not a quick process if it ever does happen (I have experience of an alcoholic ex). I also can't see the social services will have too much to do with her boyfriend at the moment, it's going to take them a while to get a handle on the basics of this case, without any added complications.
I believe the lies she will come out with are going to get out off hand I have on several occasions felt like giving up she is making things more and more difficult by the day and is trying to make things more complicated everyday I have been battling with her mental health and domestic violence against me for three years I've had to restrain her multiple times several times have been when she has tried to stab me she had succeeded twice first time I was lucky and graves the blade between my hand resulting in a wound between my fingers the second time I ended in hospital with a hole in my face several of the instances have been loged to the police
Get the police records if you can - it will save time in court. If the police won't give you them (which is possible) then have the case references handy so the court can order a copy of the reports. Always worth making their life easier if possible.
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