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Hi, I am not quite sure how this works as I am new to this. My husband & I need advice.
My husband has 2 Children with 2 separate woman. One is civil & we see the child every week as the child comes to stay with us. My husband has had a great relationship with the child since birth. All is lovely. The other child used to come but as the relationship with the mother is not good the child no longer comes. We know it is not the child's fault but the mother tried to always call the shots, always seemingly jealous of his other child. The mother & my husband had an on off relationship for some year's, living together for only a few weeks. & my husband always made it clear he didn't want any more children especially with someone who he wasn't in a stable relationship with. I guess she tried to trap him. Anyway, the mother used to see my husband before we met but would always leave the child at home. Shortly after we met we started to see the child on a regular basis & as I said above it stopped. The mother wanted to control my husband as she tried to do the whole time they were together & now she can't she doesn't like it. We decided to get married & attempts to break us up were made but failed. She claimed he owed her money & he didn't to which she wouldn't listen & she decided to go to the csa despite my husband on previous occasions offering her money for the child to which she refused. Despite my husband filling in the forms the csa took 13 or so weeks to sort the claim out putting him in arrears. Payments started despite us not being able to afford them. We have ad others got other bills & children to pay for. Anyway that was about a couple of years ago. He has recently contacted the mother asking if they could sort things out between them, him paying direct debit direct to her, he explained he was going to go self employed & didn't know his income yet. He has spent a few weeks working for a couple of people but has not been paid. Anyway she agreed Said she would cancel the csa & let him know what she wanted. Well we have heard nothing from her or the csa until last week, letter from the csa stating he is in arrears by almost £1000. He explained it all to them & their response was that the mother had contacted them 2 days previous stating she is staying with the csa. My husband phoned her again & questioned it, she denied calling the csa & said again she is happy to cancel it, she told him it is not about the money but a debt she believes he owes her. (Which if that was so he has paid it) he did say it was for the child but she is mental.
Anyway, she told Him to let her know what he could afford & she will cancel csa. Well, she has been in touch saying she has decided to stick with csa because he may not pay & if he doesn't the csa have said a new claim would have to be made & she would loose the arrears which have built up. Firstly, arrears have built up because of a verbal agreement made & secondly the csa advised my husband months ago to try & sort things out amicably because of the new charges. How can she get away with playing games, it's our life not a game but the csa are only interested in one side. Also, my husband is trying to make more money to better our life but the more he earns the more they want. you can't win. Basically because my husband met & married me she saw no other way to control him Other than the csa. The child was 7 when we met, he has never really had a relationship with the child so hardly knows her & he was not in a relationship with the mother when we met. It's so unfair. My husband has no problem paying for the child but the arrears & amounts they want are just ridiculous. I get maintenance from my ex for my children which is alot less & I have 3 children. I did not use the csa because they do not play fair. There are 2 sides to the story & they only listen to one!!
Hi
Is this the CSA or is it with the CMS? Unfortunately, the CSA are pretty much a law unto themselves, so you need to make sure that they have all information up to date, and if there is any doubt, put it in writing to them (and send it recorded delivery as proof - keeping a copy of the letter yourself). If it is with the CSA, do you know what the calculation is that they are using, and are they taking into account that he is paying for his other child? If not, then it might be worth opening a CMS case yourself for the other child as this will force them to account for the payments to his other child - the overall calculation will be 16% of his gross income, and this will be split equally between both children, so each will get 8% of income. As for the arrears, it's difficult to fight these, but I would certainly try to come to an agreement to spread the payments - as you are self employed, an attachment of earnings is not something they can use, but you still need to act reasonably so they don't go for enforcement.
Hi, my husband has no problem paying for his children but in this situation he stopped paying through the csa (he only pays for one through the csa as the other mother & him are civil & no need for the csa)
He stopped because he had a verbal agreement with her that she was stopping the csa & he was going to pay her directly. She was going to be in touch with the amount she wanted. In the meantime, she didn't cancel the csa & just because she can gas decided to continue with the csa. Meaning that arrears have built up.
Verbal agreements are in many cases as legally binding as written contracts & can be upheld by a court if someone decides to breach the agreement. Unfortunately for us we have no proof. The woman plays games & likes to be in control. Why doesn't the csa not listen to both sides. I agree that in some cases the csa may be needed but in our case it is not. It's not nice to have your finances governed by outside influence & in many cases parents who are bitter & twisted.
we are over a barrel & have struggled as a result of the csa. The woman is greedy & since my husband has been paying her has bought herself a lovely new car!! It's not for the child & she made that clear to us!!
Verbal agreements can be binding in law, but it does tend to be in contract law only, and it's not going to help with the CSA. I would still recommend that he goes to the CMS to open a case for his other child, as I'm pretty sure that will then close the case with the CSA (he can ask the CMS about this before he opens a case) and force a new case with the CMS for his second child (closing the CSA case, and both children will get an equal share) - there is a £20 application fee, but then going onto direct pay means there will be no other fees as long as he doesn't fall into arrears. I think it's worth speaking to his ex (the one who is civil) to explain why he's doing this.
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