[Solved] My wife has changed history to suit herself

Going through divorce at the moment and I am getting the same.

I sacrificed career progression to be a co-parent: Cooking, cleaning, drop offs/pick ups, bedtimes, financial devotion to upkeep of family, comforting kids through times of illness and sadness, a&e admissions, GP appointments - you name it!

Going to Tescos at 10pm after kids have been put in bed to do family shopping, outings, homework, school activities.

She would even tell her family "he is a great father".

Now I am being portrayed as an uninvolved father. She even had the nerve to tell me in my face that I am "an absent father" - that really hurt.

What keeps me grounded is the love my kids give me. When I get home, they run to me and shout that they missed me. They look at me with love, waiting for me to say "let's play / let's read a book / let's wrestle".

I put my boy to bed, and just as he id drifting off to sleep, he will say "I love you dad". THAT'S THE REALITY!

My family remind me that she can re-hash histroy as much as she likes. I have the love of the kids, loads of physical evidence to show co-parenting [emails, texts, photos, calendars].

Stay strong! Stay grounded!

Yep, my kids mother is the same, convinced she was the ideal mother and I contribute nothing, and still is convinced of that, even though she hasn't done anything in years.

I think they have to look for justification for their actions, because they know they're being unreasonable. It's the blame game and there's no point trying to rationalise it.

There's also the possibility that this is one sure fire way of hurting you, which again is Inextricably linked with making it easier to disentangle themselves emotionally.

I think you're entitled to feel angry too, as long as you don't let it seep out when the kids are around. Splitting up is a bit like bereavement, you're grieving for your loss and there will be stages that you'll go through, before you start to move on... allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions involved in this process is an important part of finding a way through it all. Blocking the anger will only delay having to deal with it at some point. If you google the five stages of grief, I think you'll relate to a lot of it.

All the best

I definitely think it's about justifying their actions and untangling themselves emotionally - as you say - but do you really think they actually know they are being unreasonable? That would be some consolation, at least, to think that some little part of her knows she's shafting me. At the moment the New Version of History states that I'm 100% to blame for everything that was ever wrong. It's like some mad domestic parody of a Stalinist show trial. Every so often she or some witness breaks silence to demand 'do I accept that ...' and I'm supposed to confirm her version of the facts so she can watch me led away to execution with a clear conscience. I say 'watch' but it's more like that old Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom plays all the instruments in a symphony orchestra. In this case it's my wife who is the judge, witnesses, jury and firing squad.

Yep, exactly the same with my Ex. According to her I have done nothing during our past 15 years together and it has all been my fault.

It is a form of dillusion. I think They suffer from selective memory, probably a coping mechanism to help them feel not guilty about the whole thing. And in many cases they keep this dillusion for life. Because subcosiously they know if the didn't do that, the feeling of regret would be even worse.

Dillusion is the word in many cases I fancy, Ex wife still is to this day on events but thank god kids are old enough to see through her. Ex wife tried telling my kids I never did nothing but make it hard for her to seem them when the kids know for a fact I did everything possible. daughter once sat by the phone all day waiting for a call from her that never happened, Ex wife tried telling her that she did but I answered and wouldnt let her talk to her on Daughters Birthday, Even when Daughter told her that she remembers sitting all day by phone she still said she did call..

Think its just away to justify their actions and to come across the victim in it all rather than put their hands up and say they messed up.

I wish I had thought of the moniker 'Can'tBelieveThis'. It says it all. The nearest I got to it was 'Staggered'. Has anybody actually told the other half that a lot of this stuff just doesn't fit the facts? I did but there's so much silence I haven't got a clue what if anything the reaction was. But the next time I hear something it sounds like something else has been made up. To be honest underneath the dignified ice-cool surface she's coming across a little bit bonkers. But I suppose when you're judge, jury, witnesses, hangman and control the press it doesn't matter if you're bonkers or not. How come we don't get to feel 100% right all the time? Seems unfair to me.