[Solved] My son wants to live with me, advice needed

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear that your son is unhappy, where is the mothers mindset that she allows him to be sidelined!

As far as your son living with you, it's important to ascertain if you have Parental Responsibility, were you married to the mother and if not, are you named on your sons birth certificate?

If he was born before December 2003 then you would have to have been married to the mother to have PR. If this is the case, it makes things a little more difficult in as much as you could not keep him with you whilst you applied for a Child Arrangements Order to have him live with you.

Your manager is partly right and at 12 your sons wishes will carry weight with the court when deciding who he should live with, but it won't be the whole picture and they will also consider his bond with his half sister, courts do not like to split siblings.

I think it might be a good idea to try and sort something out without court and as you have a good parenting relationship with the mother I would advise that you discuss this with her and see if you can't come to some arrangement. Even if she won't agree to him living with you full time, perhaps she may agree to him staying with your more....once he's 16 it will be his decision alone where he wants to live anyway and if she prevents him from living with you, or staying with you more he won't thank her for it as he gets older.

Sorry,

I forgot to mention we were married and now divorced and he was born in November 2003. A good example of his feelings are the fact that his mum has booked a 5 star holiday to Egypt around Christmas but my son asked if he could stay with me instead. There is literally never a day when he wouldn't rather be with me.

Yes he loves his sister but that is because he's a loving boy. He would have no hesitation packing up his stuff and leaving if he knew he could. I haven't mentioned to him just yet that it is possible, he still thinks he has to be 16 which makes him extremely sad but I don't want to get his hopes up just in case.
I just wish there was an easier way as I'm getting tired of watching my son be so unhappy when I know he would be the complete opposite if he was with me and he would grow up to be a better person also. I already have him during the week and every weekend then any extra I ask for. I would rather not upset my ex wife as she has been so good and could have made my life [censored]. Surely my sons well being is paramount though?

Would you consider mediation with your ex wife as a safe place to raise the subject? Considering you have so much contact already, perhaps she would be open to him spending more time with you?

If you feel you would like to pursue it further, the only other option is an application to the court and mediation is mandatory before attempting that. It would of course be better for everyone if you could resolve this without the need for litigation. As NJ said, your sons wishes will carry a lot of weight but there are no guarantees, if you google the Welfare Checklist, it will show you everything the courts consider when making a decision. You would have a greater chance at him living with you if his education can continue interrupted as well.

I think my first port of call has to be to talk to her yes but I just think through pride she would say no straight away. Also my son would never dare say that he wanted to live with me whilst she is there he'd be too scared to. He is forever asking me to ask his mum things that any other kid would just ask because he thinks she would always say no.
I suppose the main problem I have is that I wouldn't know how to bring up the idea in the first place. She may be unaware of how unhappy he is and I don't know how she would take it. I just know he would be happier living with me so its scary risking spoiling things as they are now.

He's just on the age where his opinions will carry some weight. In another year or two, if he were to refuse to go back to your ex, then the police (if they are called) would almost certainly just speak to him alone to make sure he's safe and happy, and a court would be more unlikely to return him to his mother against his strong wishes (and risk the chance he'd simply run away of his own accord and back to you).

If you're worried about her reaction then perhaps you could put it to her in a way that she wouldn't find as an attack on her parenting. You could open the conversation with your concerns about him not being himself, that he won't open up about it and you'd like him to stay with you for a while to see if things improve for him. perhaps you could suggest its adolescence and his hormones and that as his Dad you are better placed to help him with this transition. Think of reasons for him to extend his stays with you, just keep pushing the boundaries so that he is with you a little more,then a little more.

As it stands, you do have PR and if the situation worsens for him you could keep hold of him. If she does call the police they are highly unlikely to return him and as actd says will talk to him to make sure he is safe and it is his wish to be with you.

Best of luck